Artismipassion

2012; Unceasing Fruitfulness

2012-01-08T15:01:00.000+08:00

One week have gone by 2012,
and God has been real good to me in this last week of my holidays, and first week of 2012.
I remember my last moment in 2011 and 2012 was spent rather poorly,
drowned in self pity and disappointment.
But God is always good to His daughter:)
He never fails me, and I want to hold this truth close to my heart.
Siying He never fails you even when you feel weak.
This last week of my holiday had been really fun and sweet :)
Far exceeding how I initially expected.

So I have spent quite some time trying to write up a sum up for 2011 and new years resolution for 2012.
But each time I try, I cant help but feel super sad over the turn out of certain events in 2011.
The most major one would be my new school- NTU.
Reading back all my attempts at writing the posts,
it was often the usual frustration and disappointments.
And then God stopped me through my rampage in such dissappointments
He made me realise, how I have not given everything enough chances.

In so many instances in 2011,
I have resorted to running away instead of staying true to what God has given me.
I have more than once convinced myself that I was miserable and lonely.
But even while chances were given to me,
I run. Yes I run.
Just look at how things are with my most beloved Church.
I even ran away from my new cg, just because it feels really unfamiliar.

Daddy God, this is what I want in 2012.
I want to give everything a chance again.
I want to give myself a new chance for adaptation,
I want to live and not just survive.
I dont want to think of the new semester as just another 17 weeks of 'surviving' as a loner.
I wish to be attending cgs and joining my cg again.
It is a lie that I can never be as close to them as I was with JCnorth and the dg:)
It is a lie, and the truth is,
God is with me and He is the one granting me intimacy and favor with His people.

Of course it would not be as easy as I think,
but God is so good to me.
He will not leave me alone in this, and I know He is my supplier through the year.
Unceasingly, His blessings will rain upon me, bearing good fruits.
I know I will come to enjoy His overabundant goodness all throughout the 12 months in 2012.
Now that I've put this down into words, I feel alot more hopeful about school coming week.
Jiayou Siying! Jesus has your back in this :D

Ending and beginnings.

2011-11-27T22:48:00.000+08:00

It's almost the time of the year,

Christmas is around the corner, and soon after that marks the end of 2011.

Just thinking about this year and a tsunami of emotions floods up.

I've been spending much time recently reflecting about the whole of this year,

it has been one heck of a ride, ups and downs,

tears and laughter marked each journey.

But I'm not going to type my entire year's reflection here just yet,

because the year of crowned goodness ain't over yet,

and it is just too early to sum up this year for me.

I believe there is so much more to expect,

I believe and I am sure God has much more in store for me in this last month of the year.

Some random thoughts,

I wonder when is Jesus ever coming back to the world,

I wonder would it be during my lifetime?

Would I live to see Him descend down and call with His loving voice all His beloveds home with Him?

Where would I be when He comes?

What would I be doing, who will I be with?

Maybe it is just me, but with all that has been happening all around me,

I don't know it kind of makes me look forward to Jesus's coming,

Cant wait for the day where I will get called by name

and finally ascend in victory with Him to be home with my most loving Creator:)

But of course I pray from the bottom of my heart,

my entire family would be with me and we will be in unison in faith.

It is funny that the last time I talked about the topic on Jesus's coming

it was at ade's house with the nua clique,

I remember ade's mum was commenting she really feels 2012 would be the year of the coming.

Haha, the epic moment came when I exclaimed "but I haven't found my husband yet!"

That was really quite a brainless comment=.=

Fast forward one month later, here I am with someone dear to me.

Looking back sometimes I still cannot believe it.

Did it really happen?

People always say,

"The greatest feeling you'll ever learn is to truly love and be loved in return."

And here I am having the greatest Love sacrificed for me at the cross,

and having you beside me as, holding my hand,

looking the same direction as me, towards that glorious Cross.

That to me, really is the best feeling in the world.

Life seems so much better with Jesus around.

Holding my life so securely within His hands.

Though it is difficult for me to see that things are secure in Him,

but nonetheless there always comes a point where I know it has to be given to Him.

whatever I face whatever I do, it just has to be given to the perfect lover,Jesus<3
Too many time even if I knew it in my heart that I should not depend on my self effort,
I still cant help but want to meddle and try to grapple my life on my own.
I struggle on for a long time before realising finally the mess I've created.
I cant seem to do anything well on my own, but Jesus can.
How precious that there is always ABUNDANT GRACE for every mistakes I made,
for every inability I experience, GRACE is present to pick me up and deliver me on.

I feel pretty helpless about so many things in this year,
my course, my family, my work, my friends, my relationships.
But when I am helpless, Help came down from Heaven and sacrificed Himself on the cross
so that I always have Him to look to.
I always have You Jesus to hold on to, to believe in.
I give everything and everyone I meet to You.
Even if I think I experience lack in the relationships around me,
I still say Grace is abundant in these relationships.
I still believe, Jesus You're more than enough.

Ah well, this post is sounding more like a EOY kinda post,
but no, let me leave it for much later.
I shall live this last month of 2011 with a confident expectation in Jesus<3
I will trust in You Jesus,
that the best is yet to come,
I will definitely come to see Crowned Goodness and its true meaning:)
in Jesus name, Amen<3

The power of letting go, how it sets me free:)

2011-11-11T01:41:00.000+08:00

This may come just slightly late, but I believe in the concept of beautiful timing.
I feel so loved and amazed at how good a planner God is
Just looking back at how He orchestrate things,
I cant help but feel simply amazed beyond measure.

Its been two years since I've had anyone intimate in my life.
And through these two years, Praise Jesus my walk with Him had been more than fulfilling.
I really thank Him for building me up to be the person I am today:)
I remembered the me back then to be a really emotional girl,
one who had a deep void within
and a sense of insecurity that was so strong it constantly eats me up.
I tried looking to friends to fill the void, it failed,
I tried looking to a relationship to fill this void it failed even harder,
and finally when I have so given up, in He comes rushing into my heart,
filling every holes and void within me
overpaying me with so many folds of blessings for every turmoil I ever felt I endured.
My life becomes so meaningful and bursting with richness because of Jesus.
I felt whole and well again, because He bored every pain and every weakness I ever have on the cross.
Being so whole again, I felt so grateful only to Him.

I remember discussing about the concept of relationship with people before.
But recently I start to realize, finding a good guy seems to be absent in my recent prayers.
I remember telling God and sharing with my family in Christ,
I feel my season is already complete even without a boyfriend.
It was as if the deep bondage that I felt towards the need to have someone intimate in my life was gone.
And truly Jesus was sufficient, more than sufficient in my life.
But it was exactly at this time you came into my life:)

I'm glad that you're a friend I have known back to back for the last 3 years,
and I am really happy to have met you in the house of God:)
Though we've always been going out together as a daregroup,
Somehow God never let sparks flew between us just yet, not until recently.
Now thinking back, I feel God probably was preparing and seasoning us along the way for this past 3 years,
I believe He waited all along and only opened our eyes to each other when we are truly ready:)
All those many times that He has made small accidents along the way,
just so we could have time for each other, and develop feelings for each other <3
Now looking back at all these small accidents,
though at the very moment my first reaction was to grumble to God,
but now I really thank God for them man:0 hehe :D

God truly works in exceptionally mysterious ways,
sometimes I feel its not necessary for me to know why things were planned out that way by God,
but really just giving Him the steering wheel to my life, and just sit back and enjoy this ride with Him.
I thank Him for setting me free from this bondage towards the wanting of a boyfriend.
It is when He really took away that deep obsession for one,
that makes your entering into my life that much sweeter:)

I really cant explain how elated I feel when God made us finally come true to each other:)
Really feel quite excited about our future together,
I know I hope and pray that we will be walking through many happy and lasting seasons together,
But at the same time,
My faith is not established on my prayers,
I still give this future to You, Jesus. And pray let Your will always be done.
I pray always for divine timing, and spirit led living for the both of us,
let us both never depend on worldly or mere man's love for each other,
I pray Your love overflows from us to each other,
and Let Your wisdom always guard this relationship between us:)

We might not be completely perfect for each other yet,
but I pray God fills in the gap and holes between us,
and Let Jesus be the one building us up, and strengthening us with His words,
so that we will always be spiritual blessings to one another :)
Just the choice you made to pu tGod as the center and foundation to our relationship,
already made me so happy and contended:)
In my mind I knew God came true for me:)
He answered my prayers way long time ago-to find a meaningful partner in His house<3

Thank You Jesus, for blessing me with such a wonderful boy:)
I know that You love him till no ends, and each time I see him,
I feel Your love and favor oozing out from him and overflowing out to me<3
This time round there is no heart racing beats, neither is there emotional roller coaster rides,
but now there is something way better between us- that is You Jesus. You:)
Your peace.wisdom,spirit, love, favor that guards us strongly
And that is all that we need, truly Everything we will ever need as a couple is found in You, Jesus<3

3 years and counting:)

2011-10-17T13:55:00.000+08:00

Guess where am I now?
Im in SP at some architect classroom alone, waiting for QUEK YU TING-.-
ok as you can sense seriously I am very bored haha, so let me just blog about somethings on my mind.

This blog is seriously such a old blog, its been like 4 years since I first started posting man,
HAHA, I recently got reminded of how my initial posts are super childish with super CMI english
Its actually quite embarassing to look back at these posts,
but then again, I refuse to delete them, cos they just hold so much memories:)

Tomorrow is 18th october!
Wow how time flies, tmr it will mark my official day where I have been saved for 3 years :D
The journey with Him so far has been really life changing and beautiful,
He gave purpose to everything that happened to me,
the good, and the bad.
And had I walk back to that day,
I would still choose to raise my hand during the call for salvation.
Nothing can ever change this decision:)

Thank God that it is in the bible that says that
For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons,^[a] neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, ³⁹ neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Truly through trials and pain, nothing have seperated us thus far,
and I am convinced He works in my situation all the time
My part is to ONLY BELIEVE, only believe that He is for me and with me:)
How beautiful is that, that I found someone
who can truly love me for who I am and help me where I cannot help myself.

Haha and today marks the day that officially everyone in the dg is busy:(
nobody's in holiday anymore,
We have people in NS, teaching tuition, studying in poly,uni....
Oh man the past few months have been so awesome,
going out every other day with my beloved dgs
haha, my photos on fb increased from by 500 plus within 2-3 months LOL
thats how much we go out man!

Really love going out with these awesome bunch of people,
Thank God for these kingdom friendship that He has blessed me with:)
I mean think about it, had it not been for Him,
how would I a malaysian girl have met this group of singaporean kids?
GRACE GRACE GRACE:)

Anyway coming back to the point, I cant help but feel slightly..sad
now that we're all busy, there would be much less outings :(
But I still pray not la! HAHA, at least we still get to go for guitar lessons every week I guess
Thank God that He holds our relationships together,
and we will never get too busy with life to forget about each other
Amen:)

K THATS ALL FISH IS BACK I NEED MY LUNCH! :D

Let me stop striving, but just be Your favorite daughter in this season:)

2011-09-26T12:55:00.000+08:00

I really like my weekend this week:)

It is not really all hallelujah experiences, but I see God's fingerprint through it all:)

On friday, I was completely broke with not much money left with me,

I tried to withdraw money from the account my dad made for me,

but turned out there was some technical problems thus I cant withdraw money.

I remember feeling super bekchek =.= How was I suppose to go night cycling when Im this broke:(

But somehow I felt God pat my shoulder and told me, He will handle He will provide:)

And everything turned out fine in the end:)

Oh, and night cycling experience was fantastic!

I really love cycling and having the wind run through my hair:)
And I absolutely love ECP, its my favorite beach man!

I had a very very nice dinner together with my beloved dg:)

Satay, stingray, oyster omelette and sugar cane drinks :DD

It was damn shiok man!

After that we started out 'journey' all the way to changi

Haha Mao was damn funny with his random 'meows' and 'pikachu' and his sudden turbo LOL

He will suddenly scream and then go on a 'turbo'!

Really very funny, hahaha, those strangers who saw him along the road must have felt he was on drugs lol

But anw, watching him turbo, I also wanted to go on turbo

but the unfortunate happened :/

While I 'turboe-ed' ade and tan also turbo

and when three riders within close range of each other speed up together,

you can imagine what happened ><

Yeah, I had my first fall since a long time.

It was pretty bad one too, considering I fell with my face landing first!

HAHAHA, I remember when I got up the first thing I asked was " is my face alright!?"

But really thank God there was not even a scratch found on my face!

Just some bruises and scratches and this ugly big patch of blue black on my thigh:)

enough for me to get extra love from my daddy and mummy haha!

It was like God cushioned me when I fell, and I fell right in His loving hands that heals and restores:)

But anyway, night cycling really is a physically exhausting experience

at the end nearing 6, we were on this jet just looking at the sky and the waves

It felt like a inspirational moment, being near to God's magnificent creations.

Looking at the beautiful sun rise, and the wonderful patterns the morning cloud creates,

These are such beautiful creations by Daddy God, and yet, He still has His finger pointed towards me and say

She is the masterpiece among all My creations:)

How precious that is!

After parting with the dg,
I went back to my hostel to shower before getting out again to meet suhail for lunch:D

really miss my abang loads, havent met him since he went inside army T_T

I miss having someone to talk to about politics and religion and relationships and God :)

Really missed having a brother bossing me around and giving me advices,

it felt good to see him again:)

After one night of cycling, I was pretty worn out and was having second thoughts about going to church
But then again, it was pastor daniel preaching!
I cant let myself miss it man! haha, my fav pastor><
And I really thank God that I did go for church in the end,
because had I not went, I would have missed the rhema word He had prepared for me

Remember how I was telling you guys how difficult it is to be in a new environment?
It really is difficult for me, and somehow everything in the new environment intimidates me
I dont know why but I feel so worried and anxious everyday,
I try to calm myself down, I try to be more conscious of Jesus rather than my fears,
but yet, I cant seem to do it.
I remember when I just went to AJC, I felt the same fear of a new environment and a new cg too
Everyday I went to school dreading and despising myself,
I felt I was shortchanged and I was not where I wanted to be,
I kept praying to Jesus to change the situation,
but yet my eyes never left my situation and never really looked to Him
Even while I was overwhelmed by fear then, it did not stop Him from speaking to me
even when I forgot about Him at that moment for nearly half a year,
He still never left me and embraced me with loving hands the minute I fell,
Thats my God, my daddy, I cry Hosanna, and He is immediate in coming to my help,
with loving kindness that never condemns, but is quick to forgive and quick to heal.

I sat beside my senior in arrow,
and I shared with her my concerns and my thoughts about this new season
What she later told me really super blessed me
I told her I dont seem to find myself fitting in the lit course,
I dont seem to be able to find any commando friends or anyone I can call a close friend
I felt weird and pretty lonely, and that bothers me :(
She told me she din have alot of close friends in lit too, but its important to ask yourself,
what are the priorities in this season,
is it friends, studies, walk with God?
And I told her I really hope to find commando friends in this season.
I dont need alot of hi-bye friends, but I really hope to be blessed with quality friendships.
She told me the cg will always be there for me:)
Its a simple gesture, but I really thank her for reminding me for that
I believe God placed me here because He believe it will bless me.
I believe my cg is family to me, no matter how I think I cant blend in yet
But they are God's favorite people, and I believe God holds my relationship with them strongly,
thus we will grow to be family:)

She told me, she had been through what I felt too,
the fears of being in a new environment.
She said but trust God, trust that He is faithful and loves me unendingly,
He placed me in the season not for me to adapt or to change myself just to fit in,
I am there on a receiving end,
Let me striving to achieve, like what pastor says
for All us children of God,
"everything good in life, are FREE!"
I want to learn to let go of all my fears, and just let His goodness take over me.
I want to just be where I am and let His showers of love wash over me.
Thank You Jesus for your gentle reminder, that while I keep praying for close friends,
I always have You to start with for my number one close friend.
You're close to me and knows me by name.
You always have time to have a cup of coffee with me
and spend time to listen to me tell You my troubles and my happiness.
Truly I can always count on You to be there for me:)

I love what weiling shared with me
even while we dont see any signs of comfort zone in the new season,
see His outstretched hands from the season,
and His loving words
"I will walk with you till the very end."
If God You promise to walk with me, then I will take Your hand and put all my faith in You through this walk.
It reminds me of this moment during the night cycling
we came across this stretch of road that was completely dark because all the road lights are off
It looked pretty intimidating since you cant even make out the road without the lights.
But yet I know God has His hands holding us,
and as we cycled through the darkness,
His light shines in us, guarding us and never letting any danger come near us.
Thats my God,
He has everything planned out for my good,
and He is always protecting, always blessing, always loving me.
I cant help, but really love Him really love Jesus,
when I know how good He is to me I really cant help but feel overwhelmed by His loving goodness

Thank You for this wonderful weekend Jesus:)
I am really blessed by Your presence in my life.
Thank You!!!
I know more will be coming! :)

My Giants are my Bread!

2011-09-04T19:07:00.000+08:00

Its been nearly 4 months since I posted! woah!
School's started, my work at Ascenda have ended too.
It was not the most beautiful end I expected, but something about the kids I met there changed me.
Really adore all the beautiful and innocent kids there,
their carefree-ness and their beautiful nature captivated me,
what a inspiration they give to teachers to give their best in each lesson:)

These four months, I felt like I encountered the most changes ever.
Moving on from JC North caregroup to NTU Arts CG...
Moving on from my wonderful 8 months hols to my uni life.
I know God has gone before me, and says to me
"It is good."
But I cant help but feel extremely lost, and at some point, very intimidated.

I dont like changes:( I am pretty much happy with the way things were before,
But if God had called me to this new season, I know I can trust Him that blessings lay before me.
I know I can count on Him for favour, wisdom superexceedingly in throughout this season,
I know at the end of this season, I can hold His hand and agree with Him
That was a beautiful chapter:), just like how I had for my past seasons.

But Daddy, please make it more real for me in my heart,
Let Your word be engraved in my heart,
use my life for all of Your will,
Dont let me slide away, because I know in this life,
nothing else mattered more than You.

I hate it when I only know Your promises in my head,
I cant help it when sometimes, the fear of being in a new season seems much more real,
than the comfort of Your presence and Your love.
I seem to be always repeating to myself ,
God is with you, and nothing can stand againsr Him, no fear no trial will take you down!
But yet, that fear inside stays on, pounding on me, making me feel so little and so insignificant.:(

I am not this way,
I am not made to give in to fear, to run away, to be a loner blah blah.
I am not made to succumb, not made to be hiding away.
And I remember the story of Gideon in the bible.
He was hiding among the field,
He was running away, giving in to fear.
But yet God came looking for him, God remembered him when even he himself looked down on himself.

So this is my prayer now Jesus,
I need Your loving hands to come pick me up whenever I feel too tired and scared to carry on.
Please dont despice me even when I feel like looking down at this coward whose hating to move on.
Jesus, please be there with me and remind me more of Your presence when I feel extremely terrified
Jesus give me favour and wisdom to face any situation.
Jesus give me courage to stay where I am when trials come charging at me
Thank You Jesus, that You are still my strength when I feel this weak and cowardly.
All of my prayers, I pray in Your loving name,
Amen:)

Beautiful May

2011-05-29T19:11:00.000+08:00

May's a tough one.
All the days waiting and waiting for the only two unis I applied to reply mee
waiting, and waiting....
10th may- I thought its alright, no news is good news :)
20th may- erm.... whats taking so long?
23rd may- OMG! deadline's coming up and ntu's appeal has already started! what to doooo!?
25th may- NUS rejected me D: End of my world....
I remember that day feeling so sad, dejected, clouds hovering over me, rain pouring down on meee..
so dramatic hor?? haha,
I was complaining to God on my way home,
telling him how sad I feel, homeless and really rejected )
This is the magical part.
Right at that moment!
Mindy messaged me, telling me I got accepted in NTU!!!!!

Woah!
haha, I was so happy I almost skipped at the spot :DD
So happppyy:) thought Nus is still my dream school, with my dream course- FASS :(
But its alright, Ntu is a nice school too:) with nice campus facilities :DDD
Thank you JESUS! I know its because of Your grace that I got in NTU:)

I'm currently reading a book called Eat pray love!
There is this really special thing about this book that I love:)
I love the personality of liz in the book!
She is so melo-dramatic ! Something I can really relate to haha,
Okay im still at the first part of the book, where she has travelled to Italy to learn Italian and enjoy life there:)

Here's a part of the book that made me really burst out laughing haha!

"To my taste,the men in Rome are ridiculously,hurtfully,stupidly beautiful More beautiful even than Rome women, to be honest. Italian men are beautiful in the same way as French women, which is to say no detail is spared in the quest for perfection. They're like show poodles. Sometimes they look so good I want to applaud. The men here, in their beauty force me to call upon romance raphsodies in order to describe them. They are "devilishly attractive" or "cruelly handsome" or "surprisingly muscular".

HAHA, this book is nice and very honest in some parts :)
I likeeeee!

next up, june's my last month in Ascenda:(
2011 is really flying past meee!
wow, half a year is passing!?

My april.

2011-04-30T18:02:00.001+08:00

April, my most beloved riverside got a silver for syf.
It really broke my heart when I heard the news,
especially when I know how hard how bad they wanted that gold.
And it especially sucks because I didn't get to go down to watch them this year,
because I had to work that morning ):
Even the results was conveyed to me through my friend who saw it on facebook.
there were alot of comforts running through on our facebook group.
but what really ticks me off is some people taking the time to criticise them.
I dont freaking care how good your skills are as a band member,
but seriously i dont appreciate your frankness.
Who are you to speak anyway?
What have you done for the juniors while they prepared for the past 2 syfs?
nothing.
to think that you used to be one of us,
you really make me feel disgusted, disgusted that you used to be a riversidian band member,
and a damn it disgusting band leader.

OK now i got that off my chest, i feel much better:)
I really hate people like this,who have done nothing to help but adds salt on people wound.
you want to be frank? honest? well shut up and go away.
you dont have the right and you're not even good enough musically to speak that much.
ok now i really feel better to let it go now:)

OK! april has really been eventful for me,
I have a really interesting supervisor at work,
who absolutely LOVES playing pranks!
and somehow I ALWAYS fall for them ):
i think she played as much as five pranks on me all through this month -.-
just yesterday, she was not around when I turn up for work.
I thought shit, there goes my pay for this month D:
and monday is labour day, so I've gotta wait till tuesssss )):
my supply's been running low recently)):
My colleague even came in to confirm the news with me,
My supervisor has to postpone our payday till tuesss><
piang goes my heart! haha!
then later on, my supervisor gave me a phone call,
she apologised that she really cannot come back to pass me the money,
she sounded so sincere so I told her its ok:) My mummy and daddy can back my expenses up for the moment :)
then came the question.
"What is today's date?"
"29th april, why?"
and then the punchline- APRIL FOOLS!
Waaaaaaa i got stunned for awhile.
deng! whatttt, haiiii what a interesting april, getting fooled over and over again ><

In April came one of the most meaningful in the Christian diary too.
Good Friday, the day God demonstrated His greatest love for mankind,
even though none deserved it, He came down, stoop low,
to be spat at, maligned, whipped, stripped of all His glory and honor,
and there He hung on the cross, the bold demonstration of my Father's love for me.
Jesus came for ME, yes me, siying, because He knew I needed Him :)
I really thank God, He had a plan for me, and His plan is the best plan,
He had Jesus for me.
Thank You Jesus, this gratitude I hold for you lasts for the eternity you have given me :)
Because of You and only You, Heaven today knows my name :)

ok,Another thing happened on april!
THE ROYAL WEDDING! YAYYYY:)

Its really a fairytale come true :)
they're sooo sweeeet :) prince charming meets girl next door:)
and I really feel if princess Dianne is still around,
she would have watched their wedding with happy tears swimming in her eyes :)
I'm so happy for them, but look at this picture, the girl at the bottom left corner, looks pretty grumpy yeah?
anyways, they're perfect, and I really hope they stay together till death do them part :)

Also just yesterday, in the second last day of may,
in American Idol season ten, my absolute favorite contestant Casey Abrams got kicked out:(
I feel so devastated man! He is such a talented singer, I cant believe America would let someone as awesome as him leave American Idol stage :(
SOBSSSS!

this song totally made me fell in love with him!
He is so unique and talented, nothing like American Idol have EVER seen!
man, I wish he'll release a album FASTTTT,
I'm gonna buy it and treasure it soooo much! :D

Thats about it, work in Ascenda continues to be a journey for me,
I learn alot about social skills, about life, about forgiveness and education there :)
but time is running out for me there,
I really dread the day when I have to leave the centre :(

Upcoming tmr is MAY!!!
YAYYYY, my favorite month of the year:)
dont know why, but may feels really special to me:)
I look forward to it, knowing greater things lie ahead! Amen:)

My kids:)

2011-04-01T10:14:00.001+08:00

Ok disregard the previous post k?
It was a rash post...
I still Love my job really alot:)
Just sometimes it gets really tough because of some kids :(
But I believe they are not completely out of reach!
Haha, but there are certain joys that you can get from these kids:)
when they improved alot after the tuition with you,
that feeling of accomplishment is just >< HALLELUJAH!
But recently I got this extra piece of joy from picking out certain punching bags :P
hehe!
OK, picking out certain punching bags means I love making some kids cry :P
hahaha! so evil!

Ok here is case one! - primary five, a boy nicknamed marshmallow.
Marshmallow is a very smart boy who is used to getting excellent results for all his subjects.
But marshmallow is also a very playful and sometimes rather rude boy in my class!
this was untill I found out about his soft spot.. hehehehe!

Last month, I decided to give all my p5 a mock test on chinese.
But this marshmallow was getting really distracted in class,
either daydreaming halfway through the paper, or talking to his friends!
So I told all my kids, for the weaker kids, their aim is to get 70,.
while for the better ones, like marshmallow, they are supposed to get 80 for me.
those who fail to meet my expectation, i will TEAR their paper!
evil right? haha but of course this is just a empty threat :P
So our friend marshmallow got worried after this,
and I picked him to mark his paper first!

when I marked his paper, I made him stand beside me,
I realise he is really nervous cos he kept wiping his sweaty hands on his pants!
haha, I marked and enjoyed the suspense,
occasionally throwing him a stare when I crossed out some answers.
Finally the moment of truth came out,
he scored 77 upon 100,
I showed him his percentage mark reflected on my calculator,
I asked him, is this eighty and above?
at this moment, tears streamed down his face like free flow man!
and he shaked his head and say no...

Oh man, i never saw that naughty boy cry before!
one part of me wanted to laugh, another part of me softened up.
I told him ok la, he scored a close mark to 80 so good job!
I wont tear his paper :D but he was not convinced but kept on crying...

hahaha! ever since that day, I tried to grab every chance to add pressure on him:P
hehe! just to see his soft side!
haha, but he really is still a very nice boy,
just too bad he is my punching bag :P

Case two- Primary one boy- xavier a.k.a hu die (butterfly)
Ok you notice both cases are boys?
because I realise the ones crying in our centre are normally boys!
lol the girls are real tough around here :D

Ok hu die is one SUPER NAUGHTY boy.
He never can sit down properly in class,
and he always like to touch other people things and disturb the rest!
I always had alot of trouble taming this hu die,

OH YA! his nicknamed came about during one lesson,
I was going through the different hanyu pinyin of different animals and insect.
and all my p1s got so excited to associate themselves to certain animals!
most say they are monkeys, some are tigers and lions.
and there he is repeating this sentence over and over again
我是蝴蝶，我是蝴蝶！
the other kids all "EEEEE, you girl girl."
an he keep reassuring them I am a butterfly :D

Ok back to the subject.
I learned from my colleague recently that last year during the dec hols,
hu die's mother came late,
both my colleague and him waited for her outside the centre till 730,
and that time hu die was totally freaking out,
he was so scared of being left behind he wailed and wailed.
so from then on, whenever we threaten him we're calling your mummy to ask her not to fetch you!
he will totally freak out!

haha, so here comes my chance,
yesterday I was sending the kids from his school to school,
and hu die happily ran infront of us and refuse to walk in the line,
I knew it this is the time to use the threat!
I called his name and he turned around to look at me,
then I took out my phone,
"hu die I saved your mum's number inside, I am going to call her now!"
I pretended to make a few dials, and then suddenly he rushed to my side,
"dont want , I dont want, please I dooont want."
I looked at him and said
"no! you wanted me to call right?
because you purposely ran and dont want to walk beside us!
its ok I will call now,"
he kept pulling at my shirt,
"No no, xavier will be a good boy, xavier walk now, I walk I wont run.."
I look at him and told him,
"you must walk beside me, once you are not walking beside me,
i will call! you understand me?"
He looked at me with those puppy eyes and nodded,
HAHAHAHAH! the whole process, i was dying not to laugh man ><

once we reach the school,
I let the other kids go first and stayed back to talk to him,
I told him I dont want him to run, because he might fall down,
and when he walked with us, its safer cos I can protect all of them.
He nodded with his teary eye.
But I still could not let him go without one last threat.
I'll be standing outside the school gate,
once I see you run inside, I will still call ok?
He nodded, and walked really steadily inside,
after five steps he turned to check if im there,
then another five steps he turned again.
haha, I kept a straight face till he is out of sight :D

OK after all these I bet you guys find me evillll
but I still really really love them alot:)
just in different ways :D
ok thats all for now!
tata!~

So much to learn!

2011-03-21T11:02:00.000+08:00

Sidenote-

I just went for AJ band's concert! WOAH sooo nice :D
They played vogelhandler in the beginning of the concert:)
A piece really close to my heart, seeing that it is a piece that brought my beloved rss to great heights too:)
Their slow parts are SOOOO nice!
my hair stand man:)
and Clarinet's ensemble was awesome man!
BASS CLARINET FOR THE WAY! Brian's bass clar tone super nice ><
I got to meet the lower woodwinds section this year too:)
oh dear, they need help ):
Mr alvin says their moral are pretty low...
Jiayou darlings! you'll make it through victoriously I believe!
Hang in there k:)
Watching band performance always makes me feel nostalgic ..
Haha, I imagine how it would feel like to be playing with them,
haha, not sure if I can make it, but then again,
I have long decided I wont step into band's scene again..
Still this band performance sure is enjoyable:)

Ok, back to the main topic of this post...
Lol sounds like some lecture notes haha!
I am not sure if you guys are getting bored of my constant rant over my life as a childcare teacher..
but bear with me k, 70% of my time is all spent there nowadays..
if not spent physically there, I am mentally there too=.=
its all I think about nowadays- my kids:(

I have to admit to this, 3-4 months in this job,
I am beginning to experience the not so nice part of this job :(
Man, its so easy to befriend a child, so easy to play and spoil them..
but it is SO DIFFICULT to educate a child...
Whats allowed? to what extend should I allow them to be who they are-kids,
and how do I deal with the fact that, no matter how much I give to them,
I cant expect it to come back that same portion...

Before a lesson starts, I set down my standards.
I want you kids to understand there is a time to study and a time to play.
Since they are already bound to spend 2 hours worth of tuition with me,
I hope they can make the best out of it,
learn what they can best do so in 2 hours and cooperate with me in terms of class order.
I dont want anyone to divert my lesson,
I dont want anyone to talk,
I dont want anyone to be daydreaming or giving me rubbish work=.=
I made my kids promise me so that they will follow these standards and make the best out of the tuition.

And so, the ball starts rolling.
the lesson started, but my kids have already forgotten what we talked about earlier on.
ALL my effort spent on reasoning out with them gone down the drain.
BECAUSE THEY STILL TALK=.=
So, I have to keep telling them,
keep quiet, stop doing that, blah blah blah...
Even I find myself irritating.
Finally I gave them the last warning=.=
the next person to disrupt my class gets punished!

Ok here is the thing about punishment,
usually, a good ten minutes of facing the wall does the trick perfectly well.
but there is this very special kid who just does not take punishments seriously.
no matter how I do it, he will not learn the lesson=.=
I try to reason out with him, he disregards it,
I try to make him stand and do his work without a table, he makes a fool out of it=.=
I try all I can and nothing works!
Finally I consulted my colleague, and she told me
I have to instill pain into his punishment for him to take it seriously...
So this is what she tells me will work on him...
make him stand and hold his stool way above his head...
that will tire him out, and he can hardly make a fool out of this><

Ok, believe me, I DONT WANT TO DO IT.
But he totally pushed the limit too far=.=
talking, disrupting, making funny voices, yada yada
I gave him one chance, and then another, and then the last one!
He finally made me so mad I sent him out with his stool.
I made him stand for fifteen minutes,

When he came back in, woah he is so furious man.
He gave me the angry stare,
threw the book at me when I asked for his assignment.
and there I saw that the effect of this punishment had not worked..
I wanted him to learn that lesson time really is meant for studying,
And it just aint fair that lessons gets disrupted by his constant disruption=.=
But instead of learning this, I earn myself a furious kid who HATES ME now..

So you see? IT DOES NOT WORK!
When you're nice to the kids they take advantage of you
and totally disregard you during lesson time
When you're fierce and punishes them,
wham! you just earn yourself more names to the
'I hate this teacher' name list ):

Its pretty sad sometimes when I really put in effort for them,
I drill the weaker kids harder, just to help them get better in their subjects
Then they feel I am picking on them ):
Whatever people say about teaching being the most rewarding job, i beg to differ):
Plus theres so much students that I have to cater to,
sometimes I just dont have enough time or attention to really help my kids enough..
I want to do alot more for them,
but they dont want to work that hard..
even when they come to me showing that they failed their CA,
I dont even see disappointment in their face..
GOSH! How do I help them?

Ok this post is so long and rant-y boring to the max, I shall stop posting!
Jesus help me be a better teacher and please grant me wisdom and favor><

Yesterday at work.

2011-03-08T23:32:00.000+08:00

Yesterday at work, my p6 boy came in with bad news that he failed his maths CA1 D:
Following this bad piece of news was a frantic and worried mother,
who came all the way to our childcare centre to have a talk with me, his maths teacher and my boss.
This mother left a very strong impression on me.

I walked inside the classroom with my boss feeling super worried
GOSH! Why did my boy fail after all that Ive done D:
We all sat down, my boy, his mother, my boss and I
and then the discussion kicked off.

At one point, the mother was bombarding us with all her worried thoughts
why is my son not improving??
Is he not having enough homework?
Is he playing too much?
Sometimes she will push the son by the shoulder in acts of desperation,
Sometimes she will start stroking his head to show her love and care.

I expressed that sometimes he came in after school too tired to be focused in lesson,
then she will give him that look that says :"Poor boyy."
Then she starts popping up with all sorts of ideas- shall i prepare more coffee for him?
Why dont i buy him some sour plum to freshen him up in class?
In the end we settled for ten mins of power nap for him when he is tired.

Finally after settling down with extra ideas how to bombard the boy in his studies,
she finally left with lesser worries in her mind.
I helped her close the door before she left,
even on the way out, she was still shooting me questions.

"My boy is not stupid right?"
"No no, he is definitely not stupid. He just needs more practice over common questions in the syllabus."

I feel really touched by the amount of concern this mother gives to his son.
It is not just all concerning his studies, but I can tell she really cares alot for his whole well-being.
We all know she is really strict with him, but at the same time she loves him so much!
haha, I remember when I was p6, if I failed my studies,
my mum would not have gone to the effort of looking after my teachers,
she would just whack me real hard!
Its her firm believe that you spare the rod, and you spoil the child :X

As of now, I sometimes get pretty stressed out just thinking about my kids=.=
HOW TO HELP THEM GET As????
I tried all I can man):
I always catch the weaker kids after class and go slow with them.
I would let them read chinese text for me to improve their skills in recognising chinese words.
I bought all my p6 a nice motivational notebook,
and taught them step by step all the ways to tackle very common maths questions.

Any smarty pants out there?
PLEASE TELL ME HOW ELSE DO I HELP THEM MOREEE???
)):

My testimony

2011-03-06T13:58:00.000+08:00

Remember that day I got my prelims results slip?
I got only two H1 passes (2 Es)
and the rest of my H2s were 2S and 1 U.
I remember the despair, the hopelessness I felt so strong.
Why? I asked You why?
I need You so much, but why are You so far away Daddy):
I toiled in the bed, crying,
I felt so disappointed at that moment, I didn't even want to go to church.
I dont want to sing songs, clap and be happy,
I want to wallow in my own misery, I want to cry and blame everyone.
That moment, I probably broke Your heart so bad.

Even when I disappointed You, Your loving heart stands greater than my trial.
With a gentle nudge, You encouraged with that still voice to go for arrow service.
You told me,
"My beloved Siying, dont be despaired by what you see now, your future is still in My hands."
You told me to go for that arrow service the next day,
much as I was so unwilling to go, I took the chance and went ahead.

That service, Pastor Joe talked about " Walk by faith and not by sight."
I remember feeling disappointed, I felt I ALREADY knew that man...
But what I din realise was I knew this phrase only by my brain, but not by my actions.
Looking at the results before me,
it had such a huge impact, I stopped my walk with You momentarily.
What a huge realisation for me that night, when Ireen spoke to me.

That night Your Godly words and wisdom picked me up where I fell,
You brushed off the dust on my shoulders,
smiled at me and told me these words.
:"I still love you."

These words are that powerful for me.
I felt so sorry when I came to my realisation that
how much I had been walking by sight instead of faith.
Your love is so great, that you never never let go.
But mine is so pathetic, that I actually let go when things go wrong.
But even then, You did not let me go, not even in for a split of a second.

With that Love You gave to me,
I ran with it through A levels.
I look to it, I tasted it, I adored it, I simply enjoyed all your showers of heavenly love.
Your love, when You gave me wonderful family members,
that cares and takes great care of me throughout the period.
Your love that sends me loving wonderful close brothers and sisters in Christ
to pray for me, lay hands on me, and to speak GOOD words over my life.
Your love that always preserve, always protect, always gives out to my run.
Your love that sent Jesus, Your one and ONLY Son, Your best
down to lowly Earth, to die for someone as undeserving as me.

All through this period of trials,
You are the constant,
You are my God, my Father, my Saviour, my Protector, my wisdom.
You gave me life, and happiness when people toiled with stress and depression.
Not any words can describe my gratitude to You Jesus.
I really understand these words now
"When I am weak, You make me strong."

Thank You for Your faithfulness,
that came through at this finished line,
that I trust opens up the doors to my bright future.
Thank You, Jesus,
You have not left me at the end of the road,
You carried me and brought me results that I know was established at the cross.

I really love You Jesus,
not because of what You've done for me,
but because of who You are to me all through this while:)

Deuteronomy 33:12
"Let the beloved of the LORD rest secure in him, for he shields him all day long, and the one the LORD loves rests between his shoulders."

Mum, I really miss you.

2011-01-30T00:14:00.000+08:00

This whole month has been such a blessing with me.
Time past really fast in the childcare with all my lovely kids(:
Each day something sweet, something funny happens,
Each day here is a new lesson for me, a new experience.
Just stepping into the place, the ground I step I say its favored ground(:
This place really takes away my worries and my pain.
Thank you Jesus, that you know me so well
that you blessed me with the job that you know I would love(:

But Jesus, something keeps bothering me all this month..
its been almost one month since my mum stopped talking to me..
I seriously tried all that my courage could bring me to do.
I tried to talk to her, she asked me to go away.
I tried to sms her, she delete my messages.
I tried to write her letters, she ignored it.
till this point, I feel so distant, its almost she is a stranger now...

actually it really hurts,
Jesus, if you can restore a loving relationship with daddy God,
can you help me in my family too?
Please help me, help me with my mum.
I cant do anything anymore, all I have left is my faith in you.
Please help me, help me make the restoration easy and show me a new revelation in all of this.
I really dont want to lose my communication with my mum):
we use to be so close, now I dont even dare spend time with her...

hais.. Jesus, next week is cny already!
an I am going on a family vacation all the way to Japan.
Please, help me restore my relationship with her, and let us never never quarrel again ><
If this goes on, I rather miss the trip than spend it over there, sulking over a mum who acts like I am invinsible...):

Blessed:)

2011-01-12T01:13:00.000+08:00

Sorry if I bore you with all my kids story, but they are really a big part of my life now,
considering I spent all my week at the center nowadays(:

I know it with all my heart that this job is a gift from Daddy God for me(:
Just two weeks there and this job has taught me so much more than what I have taught the kids.
After saturday's service, I talked to Alena about this job,
and what she shared about her experience there when she ended her A levels really resonates in my experience here too(:

I learnt that Love is not soft, it is not always about giving in.
When I love my kids, I do what is the best for them.
It is easy to pamper them, and oversee every wrong they did.
That is easy for me to do so, because I love them so much.
But this is not real true love.
Love is not all about giving in, now I learnt.
I love them, and I want them to grow up to good bright and wonderful children.
Thats why when they make a mistake,
I scold them, I warn them sternly, and sometimes I even punish them.
It does not mean I dont love them anymore,'
Many times I need to muster alot of will power to scold them and punish them sternly,
to see that little body stand alone in a corner facing the wall for making trouble in the class,
I dont feel joy inside me, but it hurts!
But I know this is what I want them to learn, the correct behavior, to grow up with the correct teachings.
I am still learning how to balance between being firm yet gentle:)
But I will look to Jesus and behold His magnifence, trusting that He will transform me to be the best teacher for my kids.

I want to teach them chinese, science, maths and english.
But most importantly I want to teach and show them life.
Life in their studies and family, and play.(:
Life that is beautiful and wonderful:D

Really look forward to each day here:)
Each day, something new holds there for me,
And I see God in His magnificence there,
Shining in each of those little faces,
when they laugh and cry with no restraint,
when they do not give a care about that missing tooth in their mouth or that messy hair dangling
but just smile to their heart's content at me.
It is Innocence, and these are Jesus's beloved lambs,
in whom He loves with all of His heart, without any restraint:)
Amen!

Good days!

2011-01-08T00:51:00.000+08:00

I cant tell you how much I love my job,
HAHA! I really love the job that I have in this childcare centre(:
When I spend my time here, these little ones seem to have the magic
to take away all my worries and sorrows(:
they totally make my day so happy(:

Yesterday I sent a group of primary 1 and 3 admiralty primary school kids to school
we were all rushing for time because the school gate is going to close ><
The kids were frantic, so am I,
Just as we were going to reach the school, one of the girl's trolley bag broke down
the handle on the bag broke, and we all had to stop to wait for her trying to fix her handle.
Out of desperation, I got her to push the handle down
and piggy back her bag instead,
finally we all half ran and made it in time in school(:

Just as I was heaving a sign of relief, I felt something tight on my right leg,
and I saw one of my girl hugging me tightly
"Bye bye teacher Jocelyn! Thank you so much!"
awwwwww my heart melt(:
they all waved goodbye to me before running back to their school.
I felt something warm in my heart,
Felt like a mother, watching my precious kids go into school,
hoping they will have fun and learn alot of things in school(:

Today lessons were much more manageable than yesterday(:
my class is alot quieter and well behaved:D
haha, and I managed to do alot of work with each of them(:
BUT! Today while resting, my P4s talked to me
they told me I looked like a teacher who use to teach them in the centre.
Actually everybody says I look like this teacher call Charlene.
this is what my p4s said.

"Teacher Jocelyn's hair look like Teacher Charlene."
I replied," hmm mmmh"

"Teacher Jocelyn's spectacles look like Teacher Charlene."
I replied "Hmmm mmmh."

"Teacher's 肥肉looks like Teacher Charlene."
I replied " WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!"

And for the record, Teacher Charlene was pregnant at that time=.=
*faints*
)): They even made me squeeze my stomach to show them-.-
fine! I am going to go on a diet and lose all those excess baba ness!
hehe, but these kids are honest and sincere when they talk, hais I guess I have to accept it!

after class, I went to pick up my p1 and 2s from greenwood primary.
along the way, the boys, Keehon and riyo kept singing (:
I sang along with them on their weird song,
then they started to tell me they were hungry,
so when we went back to Ascenda,
I brought them to the kitchen for some biscuits.
The funny thing is, I only meant to give the 3 kids I picked up biscuits,
but once the biscuit was out,
all the other kids who were at the hallway playing computer
all gathered and queued up automatically for the biscuit!
HAHAHA! its as though they could smell the biscuit across the hallway(:

Haha, just now on my way home,
I kept thinking of the moments I spent this week in Ascenda with all these darlings,
Sometimes the memories are so funny I cant help but burst out laughing on the bus!
I bet the people around me dont know whats wrong with me ><
But I really love my job(:

Tmr I dont have to go for work, but I will sure miss it!
ah well, but I have something even better tmr(:
FIRST ARROW SERVICE OF THE YEAR!
so excited about it :DDD
WOHOOOO! LIFE IS GOOD NOW(:
Thank You Jesus(: for blessing me with all these little kids(:

Hello, you can call me teacher Jocelyn(:

2011-01-05T23:58:00.000+08:00

WOW! First post for 2011(:

Feels weird that I havent written a post about my new year resolution,
about last year's awesome Christmas party
or about my end of year genting trip/adventure with my dearest daregroup(:

Haha, Life sure is hectic for me now,
boy I am so busy, each day I get so tired at the end of the day><
but I am so glad that I have found a really fulfilling job(:
thanks to Alena, who introduced me to this job-childcare centre teacher in Ascenda childcare(:
I really love children, and I am glad that my job is all about these beautiful blooming creation of God(:

My job requires me teach p1-6 chinese,
p6 -mathematics and p4 maths,science and chinese(:
During the morning shifts, I will have two hours of lessons with these kids,
then they will all get ready to bathe before school,
bathe, have their lunch,
after lunch, each of them will show the teachers (including me) their empty bowl before washing
after washing, I will inspect that their bowls are completely clean,
thereafter, I will get the children on duty to clean the floor, wipe the table and clear the rubbish bin.
After that I will send these children all to school (: before going for lunch.

After lunch, another batch morning session student returns, and they bathe and eat again!
I will then go out and fetch the p3 children back from school.
2 hours of lesson with them before their tea break,
after that, they will continue with their work,
some student that end earlier may go out to the playground
meanwhile I will head out to the primary school nearby to fetch my p1 students(:

Look at my job scope, haha I feel like a mother to all these kids man!
but I really love taking care of them(:
the downside is I dont know how to exercise my authority YET...
I mean, I cant bring myself to scold these kids...
When they get noisy in my class, often my colleague would step in and scold them all for me><
gosh, I want to know how to carry this authority well ... firm but yet gentle..
Truly only Jesus is all together lovely,
being strong and yet not too harsh,
gentle but yet firm...
Ah well! I shall trust that God will annoint me to be wise enough to be a perfect teacher for these kids(:

Let me share with you something that warmed my heart today(:
Today at six o'clock,
I went out of the childcare on time to pick up the children from evergreen primary.
Since it was raining, I had to go to their classroom to pick the kids up,
so I went to find the primary 2 students first,
and then moved to the hall to pick up 2 of my primary 1 kids- Sri ya and Ri yo.
Sriya got released first and after I picked her up, we went to wait for Riyo.

From far I saw Ri yo half kneeling on his little knees, frantically searching for me,
I thought he was worried that I have forgotten about him
so I shout out to him my so he will know my location amidst the parents waiting.
When Riyo saw me, he broke into such a big wide smile(:
then he started pointing to me, stood up, jumped happily,
shouting to his friend next class that I am his childcare teacher :DDD
That moment, I just felt so swelling with happiness,
It felt like he was genuinely glad that I was there to pick him up,
and he was so proud of a teacher like me(:
haha Riyo ran to me dragging his bag behind him after that,
even before his class was dismissed!
that got him scoldings from his form teacher :P

On the way back to Ascenda, the kids keep ranting on with me about their day in school,
their classmates, their teacher, the lesson, the games, recess....
"Teacher Jocelyn we had mother tongue today!"
"Teacher Jocelyn teacher, today my friend's birthday!!!"

I really love each of them,
I love the noisy ones, those that are always fighting to answer quesrions in class.
I love the nonsensical kids, those who loves to talk rubbish and random things in class
I love the quiet kids, those who needs more encouragement to speak up in class(:
I love the blur kids, those that needs me to repeat instructions a million times to them!
I love all the kids here, I love their innocence
and the way they are sincere in treating people,without pretense(:

They all call me Teacher Jocelyn,
some pronounce it as Josalin!
haha, this is the rare times anyone called me Jocelyn,
after all I dont use this name much(:
but I am getting used to it, and it feels great to have these kids call me
Teacher Jocelyn :D

I really love this job that God has given me.
Jesus in the bible love the young ones too.
To peter, He asked him to
"Feed my lambs."
before feeding His sheeps.
I believe, He placed me in this job, all to bless me with all these jobs.
I will labour joyously in this work He has given me through Grace(:
and I believe He has supplied me with enough wisdom and skills to face the job(:
Amen!

This is so beautiful(:

2010-12-16T00:13:00.000+08:00

How deep the Father's love for us,
How vast beyond all measure.
That He should give His only Son,
to make a wretch His treasure.

How great the searing loss,
The Father turn His face away.
As wounds which mar the Chosen One,
bring many sons to glory.

Behold the Man upon the cross,
My Sin upon His shoulders.
Ashamed to hear my mocking voice,
call out to all the scoffers.

It was my sins that kept Him there,
untill it was accomplished.
His dying breath has brought me Life,
I know that it is finished.

I will not boast in anything,
No gifts, no power, no wisdom.
But I will boast in Jesus Christ.
His death and resurrection.

Why should I gain from His reward?
I cannot give an answer.
But this I know with all my heart,
His wounds have paid my ransom.

This song is so beautiful beyond measures(:
So beautiful, just read the lyrics, wow.
Jesus, why should a wretch like me deserve a Saviour like you?
What have I done to deserve Your death for me?
I have no answer, I know I have not done a single thing worthy for Your sacrifice.

He did not come as a teacher,
He did not come as a ruler,
He did not come as a judge,
He came as a saviour, our Heavenly Brother.

I remember that service before As.
Pastor shared the story of the Apostle Paul in the bible.
Paul used to be a persecuter of the church of Jesus Christ before He met Jesus,
A person who sinned heavily.
But when Jesus appeared to him,
Paul shouted "Who are you Lord?"
Jesus did not go "I am Lord Jesus, the Son of God, the Almighty one........."
He went up to paul, and gently told Him, "I am Jesus."
How beautiful the picture of Jesus,
that He would not hate you because of your sin,
that He loved you still the same and would lift you up away from your sins,
and build you up to be a blessing(:

My little heaven on earth(:

2010-12-11T20:06:00.000+08:00

A-W-E-S-O-M-E-! B-R-A-V-O!

haha! Yesterday's riverside concert was just indescribably beautiful(:
I love it I love it! :D
So many memories, so many miracles(:
I stand at the ava area, and look at each one of you and I just swell with so much pride(:
My darlings, you guys have grown so much(:
And I cant help but feel so so so proud of you guys(:

I saw the doraemon song!
haha, Ive played it before, many batches of RSSB had all played it before,
but you know what, you guys sound the BEST! :D
it was so nice, and I saw little girls by the side of the band dancing to the song(:

Green sleeves was so beautiful my hair stood!
I remember Jiahuan nudged me gently by the elbow and told me
" They sound really good."
(: smiles, I agree!

So many of you little juniors have grown, from glory to glory(:
How I see you guys shine individually, and as a band.
So gloriously growing to be better!

The percussion ensemble was so 帅!
damn zai! haha, though there were small hiccups but still it was awesome!
haha, HAKIM WAFFLE MAN! you were so handsome!
how you were just a little kid back then when we went to beijing,
but now I see you're a true leader and a senior to your section(:
You let so many of your juniors play the more important instrument didn't you?
the timpanny, the snare drum you stepped aside and allowed them to take on these instrument(:
I feel so proud of you, that even while you were just standing in the percussion section area
clapping your hands to the beat of the ensemble during "Beat it!"
You were still a glorious and awesome shining percussionist(:
That's a true spirit of a band member, never to despice any small instrument,
you told the audience with your smile that you were enjoying that moment on stage(:

OHOH!
"Nobody nobody but you! :D"
That was so cool too! hehe
we seniors were dancing and singing up at the ava area:D
I love that song!
haha and really good dancing from the percussion :D
How I wish there was a encore song! :D
haha, we were all screaming mad for a encore, and mr tan just shook his head)):

I really enjoyed the trip back to RSSB(:
my little heaven on earth, somewhere really close to my heart.
I know why seniors like libing always return even though she graduated ages and ages before,
its because no matter how long its been,
there is this part of you that will remain, that memory, that identity and that belonging that you found in RSSB(:
I really do love you guys. And I mean it(:

December will be the best month yet!

2010-12-06T12:41:00.003+08:00

YES! exams are over, and holidays are as real as can beee! :D
But there is this part of me that I am so frustrated with,
I can never seem to be happy with what I have-.-
I dont know whyyy... But I dont feel as happy as I should be):

Ive been out for alot of outings,
I have been meeting long lost connection friends,
I have gotten myself busy and on-going,
but instead of returning home happpy and singing,
I just get home late at night tired):
gosh, is this a spiritual attack?

WHAT IS MISSING??
haiii):

anyway, some goooood news! :D
I got myself a guitar! wohoo! my babyyy (:
cost me a bomb >< but I am happy with it(:
my mom at first agreed to sponsor it, but she last minute backed out,
and I had to pay with my own moneyyy...
but its alright, makes me treasure my baby more(:
now I just gotta confirm guitar lesson schedules from my dg friends(:
YAYYYYY!

Soon I will be play so many worship songs at home:D
I wanna learn My King(:
its one of my favorite songs(:

Ah well, theres nothing much anymore going in my life,
going to visit my beloved RSS tomorrow with jiahuan! :D
yay! I miss them so much!
their annual concert is coming up! hahaha! will update you guys more on the concert!
hope to see you there! :D

I really pray that this gloominess will disappear soon,
I mean things are getting on in life,
I really want to go through it with a happy spirit that can truly enjoy everything God has prepared for me!
Yes! December will be the best month yet!
and I believe there is still time left this year for God to fulfill the wishes I made for 2010(:

Back to where I am(:

2010-11-24T15:11:00.000+08:00

From a far, I saw your sideview and my heart almost stopped.
Its feels so magical to see you on a day like this!
I got on the bus, and without thinking, I took the empty seat beside you,
all the while my heartbeat racing like mad!

With all the courage I can muster, I looked at you and asked you.
"Do you remember me?"
Even if you did not, I wont forget you.
Its been so long, twelve years!
I remember, those days when you tower over me,
I use to be so afraid of you,
I still remember those days, lining up in a queue,
waiting to be pinched on the ear by your extremely long fingernails
Or waiting to be drawn on the face by your marker...

No offence, but back then, to a 7 year old girl,
you are really terrifying, and I honestly use to think you're a witch! :X
Your voice always ring through the whole classroom,
and nobody, nobody at all would dare defy your 'orders'

I think you hated me back then,
the messy, out of this world girl, who always gets into troubles.
I remember back then, my nanny always love to tie complicated plaits for me,
but somehow, after a day of running and chasing around with my friends,
the plaits always fall off...
there was one day, I was trying so hard to "mend" my broken plaits in the class
while we were sitting down on the floor to listen to your story.
And then you took one look at me,the 'messy' girl
and you pointed me out, telling all the girls to never follow my example of hairstyles...
because I looked like a lunatic... it broke my heart haha
I never got out of that fear you gave me,
and I still remember all those days you made me stand outside the corridor during recess...

It was as if you read my mind when you asked me softly,
'was I a scary teacher back then?'
I quietly nodded, and you let out a short laugh
you told me, it was all part of your hope to shape a character out of a person,
part of your believe in strict discipline to create a good future for the little face you saw.
Maybe you're right, or not.
But it took a big part of my life back then, and it certainly shaped me in a way...

Yesterday, the woman that I saw sitting beside me,was no longer that "witch" back then,
your voice no longer hold that strength through the class,
in fact, I could hardly hear your whispers right beside me,
on the face, I saw fragility that replaced the once menacing terror you build.
When I mentioned some of those friends, I knew back then in my batch,
I saw your face lit up, at the mention of your glorious students.
And following that smile, was then a reflection of bitterness...
I saw tiredness when you told me you're retiring soon,
I just saw a woman done with a career for the past decade.

It feels really awesome to meet you, Mdm Asna,
on the last day of my JC life, and I really wish you find rest soon, in your retired life.(:

再别安德逊

2010-11-23T00:07:00.000+08:00

轻轻的我走了，正如我轻轻的来；
我轻轻的招手，作别西天的云彩。

Tomorrow is DI-DAY!
HAHA! I am really so excited,
bubbles of excitement are just bubbling in my stomach:D
hehe! I CANT WAIT!
have got so many many plans that I HAVE GOTTA FULFILL! :)
Haha, but in this time of happiness,
I still feel slightly sad):
Tomorrow I am really leaving Anderson for good):

There are people I know I will stay in contact:)
Like my church friends in school(: they are siblings to me for life! :D
My secondary school mate from 4/4 in Anderson will still be in contact with me through class outings(:
My beloved 3809 will also be staying in contact with me through our annual class outings(:
I still remember kelly demanding that I bring my kids next time to our outings hehe!
Oh and my band friends like Vanessa and Clarise(:
they will be with me when we go back to AJC band concerts(:

But what about you, random friend in AJ?
What about the friends I met in my other subjects?
My chinese class friends,
My econs class friends,
My h1 mathematics friends
or the people whom I knew through my friends?
you who always smile at me when you see by the corridors or in the library
or you random friend whom I met somehow in school.

haha,maybe we wont meet up.. cos we are not that close,
but I sure will miss the friends I made in AJ,
I will miss my teachers too
I really favour Mr Tan! haha He is like the most patient teacher ever!
I sure will miss his lame jokes after I left(:
I will miss Miss Ng and all her dramatic and sacarstic lessons(:
I will miss my chinese teachers who always look out for me,
and encourages me to strive hard in chinese literature..
I will miss Mrs Ho, and her kind and awesome ppt slides
haha I love your fashion sense mrs ho(:

Point is, I will really miss AJ, once I have left )):
Boy I will miss times stuck in that classroom with all of you
tocking our heads away to the rthym of the slides,
wishing lessons end faster so that we can go grab a bite to calm that growling stomach!
I sure will miss moving along pathways, and spotting a friend my way
smiling and waving to the person(:
can you smile at me next time if you see by the streets?
please?
haha, that sure will make my day!

AJC, I found real happy life in this school(:
I remember rejoicing so happily that day when the message came to tell me I got in AJ
I remember being so thankful that I have entered a school like AJ(:
and till today, I still am happy and thankful over this choice
Thank you to everyone in AJ, who has made these two years so beautiful for me(:

Oh what a mixture of feelings!
HAPPY and SAD
Happy over the end of As tomorrow,
Sad over the end of AJC life tomorrow..
ah well(: life goes on to bring me new adventures ahead(:

悄悄的我走了，正如我悄悄的来；
我挥一挥衣袖，不带走一片云彩。

Spark Unplugged – 30 October 2010

2010-11-21T07:23:00.000+08:00

Spark Unplugged – 30 October 2010
This is so beautiful it makes me tear(:

Hello there(:

2010-11-21T05:07:00.001+08:00

Haha, one month it has been, and so much happened in one month.
I have spent some time in the wilderness,
I have cried through several nights,
and I have experienced some really strong and fierce yet tender love from my Faithful saviour
and after all those drama of being lost and depressed,
He has redeemed me in time,
and now I sit here typing these words with a happy and peaceful heart
haha, this is definately one of the most happening months ever!

Remember two months ago?
Two months ago, I went through prelims with such a happy heart
each examination, I experience fresh grace and happiness (:
and I feel His love so strong in every paper,
I felt nothing could go wrong when He is with me!
but yet when my papers came back,
it hit me so bad that i only passed ONE GP...
it hit me so hard, my world shook.
and my faith suddenly did not seem so strong anymore.

I remember starting to pray prayers for Him to show me signs
I wanted a outward direction guidance,
my prayers went like this
" Daddy God, if You are with me, please show me a sign by letting a blue man come my way."
I felt it was not too much to ask,
but yet without me knowing,
woah,
I was walking by sight instead of by faith.
so when the blue man didnt come my way, I fell...
I really felt so disappointed, I din know what to expect.
I prayed for buses to come faster while I was stuck in a long queues in the custom,
but the bus never come, and only come when I have given up on praying
I felt so disappointed in God, I let lose of that grip onto His love.

I thought this is a dead end for me,
I dont know how to move on?
I even refused to pray one night,afraid of disappointment, angry and feeling left out by God.
what was going on????

you know sometimes it seems as if we are the one holding on to God,
but actually, it is the other way round,
He is the one holding on to me,
when I feel so helpless and I have no strength and willpower at all to hold Him,
He never lets go,
I felt so sure He would be angry at me for my lack of faith,
but yet, He never let His anger reach me.
My beautiful creator, He has such a big heart with such deep depths of love and grace.
with such a beautiful heart for me, He embraced me strongly(:

that following week, even though my initial plans was to skip arrow service,
that night, He gently nudge me and told me to trust Him
trust Him, even in the midst of trouble,
and that His answer for all these situation would be found in the service.
and I trusted Him, weary and lost, He led me with love to service,
and there I fell down again,
but this time, I know, He caught me, I am not face down,
but He catches me with His love.

We have always known about speaking forth what we believe
this is the hallmark of pastor's preaching.
But that day I learnt,
Speaking forth is so much deeper than just speaking for things to happen the way I like. It is so deep, that it actually it asks of us to take on God's perspective,
To let Him first fill you with His understanding and love,
and finally, out of that abundance of LOVE , we then speak forth His words.
The same words in genesis, when He said
"Let there be light" and there was light(:
so blue man or no blue man, bus or no bus
these things are temporary, and they may change anytime.
One thing remains from the beginning to the end,
before Christ came and after Christ died for us,
BEFORE YOU WERE BORN,
One thing remains constant, and you better believe me
the thing that remains constant is,
He loves you no matter what happen(:

The bible says so in
Romans8 :38-39
38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life,
nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come,
39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing,
shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

Haha, on the eve of my first paper
He put this in my heart, and it really touched me so much.

"My beloved Siying, My presence with you through the preliminary examinations period have been true and real. Dont let your results rob you of that joy I have planted in you through that period of time. I will use your results and turn them around for your good, and you will come to experience my faithfulness and my promise will come true in your A levels (:"

I feel so loved, so loved.
And this period of preparation towards A levels,
there is this paticular group of people that I want to thank so much.
These people that writes prayer cards to me,
that never fails to encourage me when they see me,
a simple pat on the back to wish me all the best,
a simple smile of understanding when I complained over the piles work ahead,
a message from the phone to remind me to look towards Jesus.
These people have made me feel so loved,
loved not by man's love, but by God's love(:
Thank you, for letting me experience a touch from God when you guys are with me.
I thank this lovely people,
Caregroup JCNORTH.

God really loves you guys so much,
and it all overflows into my heart(:
<3

Sometimes I am grateful A levels are here.

2010-10-15T17:53:00.000+08:00

When you're rushing for time in this last 20 plus days,
You rush through revisions and you get so busy it blocks out all trash thoughts inside you.

I have finally graduated from AJC,
But now that I think about it,
I sure will miss every part about it)):
The morning rides from woodlands to yio chu kang,
watching the beautiful morning skies stretch across the YCK lake(:
ahhhh God You are such a awesome artist(:
Having breakfast with bobby in the morning and talking trash haha
or sitting down for meals with my beloved 3809s as we discussed about everything we know about life(:
or the train trips home with suhail, zak, chunhong,and khai (:
the tough PE lessons, where we 3809 girls pulled through together(:
oh I really will miss AJC):
truly...

Like mindy said, this two years in AJC,
Thank You abba, that you had filled my JC experience with Your fingerprints
A Godly experience You have prepared for your children(:
You've called me out of my comfort zone and blessed me with extra new and beautiful experiences
You have filled my life with new and awesome friends, that I believe and wish to keep for life
You have saved some of my friends, and allowed our family in Christ to rejoice over new siblings in Christ.
You have made my JC life truly meaningful.

Now it is the last lap to Alevels,
I will put my trust in You.
And this is my prayers to all the A level students
I pray You will bless all of our revision to increase in quality and quantity(:
I pray You will calm every stressed and worried heart, and bless them with a restful and calm heart.
I pray You will increase the wisdom on every student, and allow them to approach A level with a confident and stress free mindset.
I pray You will cause Your wonderful favour to rain over all our scripts an let them be glorious with Your mightiness before the examiner's eyes(:
Lastly I pray You will bless all of us with the top results.
All this I boldy ask, for I know Jesus said in luke
" What is impossible with man, is all possible with our Heavenly Father" (:
I know my God, and I know His love for us(:
All this I pray in Jesus's most beautiful name
Amen!

Time!

2010-10-10T15:06:00.000+08:00

We all know time does not wait for anybody,
Yet the way we spend our time leaves memories,
memories that take so long for us to forget or to arrange in a manner that it may 'rest in peace' in our heart and our mind(:

Its down to these few days before As end officially,
It is no use sulking or worrying over lousy prelim results..
Might as well spend all my time mugging like mad!
I'll do whatever I can (: so at least there wont be any regret that I havent give it my all.
Siying jiayou!

Oh random thoughts!

2010-10-04T20:57:00.000+08:00

I have decided! First thing after my As end, I want to arrange for a trip on my own.
I think it is time to give myself some time,
to get away from all the city hustle and bustle.
time to give myself some time, to cool down.

I remember those days, when I was still renting a room at singapore,
the sister who shared room with me use to share with me her trips overseas when she was young,
oh how beautiful the pictures are(:
I really hope to go on a trip too,
get some fresh air and really clear my head of all the swimming confusion ><
grrrr...
I dont know what am I typing anymore,
later guanyan correct my english in the tagboard again -,-

I want to go on alot of trips!
haha, lowerwoodwinds section are already brewing a trip to genting this year end,
but before that, I hope to go out on a short trip on my own.
A train trip down the countryside of malaysia I think.
Maybe I can go visit my grandparents by the kampong,
or go see my cousins(: they live by the sea
and the scenery there is just so serene<3

Haiii I dont know what I saying la,
I feel pretty confused,
this are just random rubbish rantss....

A complete goodbye.

2010-10-03T00:06:00.003+08:00

No regrets, no more looking behind,
I am going to remove my tent from the past.

Life-a gift from above

2010-09-26T16:12:00.000+08:00

When only love could make a way
You gave your life in a beautiful exchange
When only love could break these chains
You gave your life in a beautiful exchange

When you are 18, when you are in the prime time of your life,
You think alot about life.
Your future, your friends, your life partner.
But it never really occur to me, to really think about death.
Just when you're all used to life in its best,
death looms around the corner, and catch you by surprise.

What would I have known about death?
The scare of it all.
One moment, in this world, someone named Siying was around,
thinks like siying, acts like siying, has the whole idealogy of siying.
Then next moment, she is gone,
gone in the fire, or buried down under.
your phone wont ring with her number anymore,
her facebook wall remains empty forever.
It seems so weird.
Its like you still expect her to be there.
You still expect to find her in the usual corners,
to see her around, but...
She is just gone.

What is most scary, I guess...
is the emptiness of it all.
Before I was a believer, I use to shiver with fear, just thinking about death.
When wacky passed away, the whole process of builiding strength, just to accept his departure,
was horrible...
that brings me to another realisation.

"Lost love is still love. It takes a different form, that's all. You can't see their smile or bring them food or tousle their hair or move them around a dance floor. But when those senses weaken another heightens. Memory. Memory becomes your partner. You nurture it. You hold it. You dance with it.

--Eddie's Wife"
Memory is all you have, maybe it is not enough, but it is still something you can celebrate over.
There used to be happy moments, there used to be this and that.
Yet even so, God implanted a new word into my life.
He is telling me, I am holding too tightly over the bitterness, or even the happy past.

Isaiah 43

18 "Forget the former things;

do not dwell on the past.

19 See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?
I am making a way in the desert
and streams in the wasteland.

During caregroup on friday, I asked what is it to let go?
Even though I see new things, and miracles constantly popping up in my life,
I cant seem to forget the past,
when I am alone, before I sleep,
flashbacks robs me of my peace,
I cant help it, but I feel weak with bitter emotions...

Then my caregroup mates shared.
Whats important is the first step, the first step that we take to trust God.
Trust Him and depend on a intimate relationship with Him.
Its not what you can reason out with logic or reasons,
but He will help you in the end,
He will be there with you in every step of your life.

Isaiah 43 19 says
He is always doing new things in our life,
New and wonderful things,
While death scares us, should we not celebrate life to its fullest?
I know it sounds cliche.
but to live our days like its the last one, that teaches us about treasuring it does it not?
People you love, they may not be there forever, they may be gone before you knew it.
Would you not regret it if you had let them past,
before you had treasured them enough.like they deserved to be?

Here is a song called We live.its pretty meaningful (:

There's a cross on the side of the road

Where a mother lost her son
How could she know that the morning he left
Would be the last time she'd trade with him for a little more time
(so she could say she loved him one last time)
And hold him tight
But with life we never know when we're coming up to the end of the road
So what do we do then
With tragedy around the bend

We live, we love, we forgive and never give up
Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above
And today we remember to live and to love
We live, we love, we forgive and never give up
Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above
And today we remember to live and to love

There's a man who waits for the tests to
See if the cancer had spread yet
And now he asks why did I wait to live 'til it was time to die
If I could have the time back, how I'd live
Life is such a gift
So how does the story end?
Well, this is your story and it all depends
So don't let it become true
Get out and do what we were meant to do

We live, we love, we forgive and never give up
Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above
And today we remember to live and to love
We live, we love, we forgive and never give up
Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above
And today we remember to live and to love

Waking up to another dark morning
People are mourning
The weather in life outside is storming
But what would it take for the clouds to break
For us to realize each day
Is a gift somehow, someway
And get our heads up out of this darkness
And spark this new mindset and start on with life cuz it ain't gone yet
And tragedy's a reminder to take off the blinders and wake up
(to live the life)
We're supposed to take up
(moving forward)
With all our heads up
Cuz life is worth living

We live, we love, we forgive and never give up
Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above
And today we remember to live and to love
We live, we love, we forgive and never give up
Cuz the days we are given are gifts from above
And today we remember to live and to love

Stop sulking about how life is not fair to you,
treat yourself fairly then, because only two type of people arise from trials
A champion or a loser.
its your choice.

BY THE WAY!
My computer is all broke down )):
will be uncontactable online, or in facebook...
AND~
my phone number somehow got terminated..
I am not sure why...
Cant receive any calls or message too... )):
GOSH I AM TOTALLY UNCONTACTABLE!
HAHA!
k, when i get a new number, I will contact you guys again :DD
gtg now!
:D

Oh the night

2010-09-20T16:13:00.000+08:00

ok, I know it looks abit lame...HA HA HA!
Lol, anyway last night I was bored of history,
and I ran through my mum's collection of pirated movies and found this!
I doubt any of you heard of it before, it has a lame name- Kiss me Kill me.
but I kind of feel its a good movie haha..

This guy has been a killer all his life,
his mother is a drunkard, and raised him up singled handedly.
The fortune tellers told her, he really had not much of thoughts going on in his head,
just a simple minded man, living life as it is.
Some who knows his proffesion as a killer asked him
" What is going through your mind when you kill a person?"

And he never knew the answer,
because for a proffesional killer, it is said you must have the thrill to kill,
any other second thoughts of sympathy are not permissible...
the story started off when he got one of the easiest job in the world.
To kill a sleeping man- a man who is always sleeping in his apartment.

When he reached the apartment, he found the body covered in a blanket,
before he shot, he pulled off the blanket and found a lady hidden under the bed!
turns out the lady had actually hired the killer to help her commit suicide.
She did not want to kill herself with the conventional pills or by hanging herself,
instead she wanted to go off with a bang!

The killer was blown off his mind when he realised what this girl was doing.
He was so used to having his targets fight for their life with him,
that he never thought anyone would have hired him to kill themselves!?
Bewildered, he left the apartment in a angry fit, puzzled about the woman.

From then on, the killer find himself having a constant headache,
and it affects how he carry out his work.
He didnt understand why, and the doctors told him that it was because he was going through some phsycological changes...
the truth is, since he met that lady, he has been really affected by a sudden change in his job.
He could not understand the lady... and it leaves him headache just thinking about her...

the movie ends off with a very interesting ending..
haha it feels like a comedy, but at the same time it has very deep meanings to it too...
ah well, I really enjoyed it, even though i felt it was so lame at first...
haha, the actors are not all famous and good looking, but its worth watching :D

Here is one of the funniest part of the movie! :D

Letting-----go.

2010-09-18T23:47:00.000+08:00

There was a little boy I know, who loves watching eagles soar. He would love to sit on top of a mountain with his binoculars,and look at the majestic bird soar through altitudes.

One day, as usual, the boy went on his routine and got on a mountain. He took out his binoculars and started streaming through the skies for a eagle. Maybe it was due to the cold weather, the boy sat there for hours and could not find any eagles!

After enduring a four hours search which was futile, he was about to pack his things up and go home when from afar he spoted something moving through the valleys! Excited, he took his binoculars and followed every movement of the eagle.

Oh how beautiful that majestic creature move, once it takes off from the mountains, it gently flaps its beautiful wings, beforing spreading them out to soar through the sky. Suddenly the eagle took a deep dive to the ground! The boy that meant the eagle must have spotted a prey, and sure enough, effortlessly the eagle caught a weasel firm within its claw.

The boy expected the eagle to take the flight back to its nest, and probably feed its prey to its family. But! To his surprise, the eagle took another deep dive!? The boy was puzzled how a eagle could catch hold of two preys in one go, so he followed the bird with his binoculars, only to find the bird crash hard into the mountain right beside his mountain!

The boy was so shocked, he made his way as quickly as he can afford, and climbed up the mountain to look for the eagle. He desperately wanted to help it get up from the crash, but when he reached the eagle, the eagle had already died. The weasel in its claw, had actually climbed up to the eagle's chest and bit his heart off while the eagle was flying.

The eagle died, because he simply could not let go of his prey.

Pastor shared this story with us.
He told us about God's word about letting go.
and I really feel so encouraged, that He pays so much attention to my life.
Letting go- a constant, on going struggle I have to face everyday.

I need to let go, to let God make a way for me.
but you know what?
God says, Let God, to let go.
Let Him step in, and fill that empty vessel in my heart, and then I will let go.
I can let go physically,
for all you know I am moving on and happy in life.
but emotionally and physcologically, it is a struggle.
and He knows it, how difficult it can get...

I press on toward the goal, I reach for the prize
That I may know You more, fulfill Your call on my life
I forget what’s behind me, and look straight ahead
Let Your hand always guide me, guide me to the very end<3

Somtime I need to really deal with this,
I need to stop looking backwards, and really anticipate my future.
not to look back, is not to look back at the GOOD AND THE BAD.
no matter how glorious it is in the past, He is saying look forward.
He is preparing me for greater things, and it is just not for me to look back.

haha, today's service really refreshed me so much,
I feel I cannot fully articulate it out for you,
I wish to encourage you out there, who finds it so tough to let-go.
try letting Him come in first, before you let go...
:)

Hey there, I miss you (:

2010-09-17T15:25:00.000+08:00

I miss you blogger,
you're not as new or exciting as tumblr, but you are mine (:
every post here, 413 of them, are mine
man, I miss you so much, but I cant bring myself to post here...
haha I stored so much drafts already.
I hope this wont be a draft again haha

Prelims are almost ending for me(:
left with two papers and I am done! WOHOO!
this prelims had been a really Grace filled one (:

I never felt so assured ever, each paper, outside the exam venue,
I look around all my school mates trying to stuff the last bit of their notes down their brain,
but I just feel so assured(:
While I do my revisions, it just seems so different now,
I use to memorise and eat every word that my teachers print,
but now, I dont have to do so, somehow He makes it so easy
that I can remember them simply(:

this verse means so much to me in this period
Psalms 37:23-24

23 The steps of a good man are ordered by the LORD,
And He delights in his way.
24 Though he fall, he shall not be utterly cast down;
For the Lord upholds him with His hand.

You know, A lvls are tough, real tough.
It is nothing like any exams I ever face,
and if I were never a believer, I may have just died in this process.
But I know my steps are ordered by God, and He holds me by the hand every step of the way.
It gives me a assurance, that hey!
My life aint gonna be determined by an exam!
:D no matter what, I am going with His Grace and I know He is leading me in the brightest path
No matter what, I am going to realise my dreams!
not through hard self efforts, but through a Grace inspired life <3

He really takes His children out of the world and set them on high,
My siblings in Christ also reflected that they feel really at peace despite the storms of exams
It is now, september, 9 months through this year,
I feel so grateful for the word that had rang through this year for me

REST.

~~How is it possible to rest in a year of A lvls?~~
~~How can I rest and slow down when everybody is running in this race?~~
~~I must not lose out.~~

He took these thoughts of destruction out of me,
He replace with four letters- REST.
He took away my fears of failing and showed me that
If I had done nothing to receive Grace and the wonderful champion life He gave me,
I will do NOTHING, to lose it(:

Romans 8:15

^{For you did not receive a spirit that makes you a slave again to fear,
but you received the Spirit of sonship.
And by him we cry, Abba, Father.

Thank You, You have been so faithful and good in my life <3}

I HAVE A TUMBLR

2010-09-01T10:39:00.002+08:00

I have a tumblr blog, and maybe I want to move on,
haha, it is fun there, and there are alot of nice pictures,
maybe I will stop posting here, maybe I wont,
in any case you can check out my tumblr from facebook,
(: bye

Love is undeniable.

2010-08-29T11:48:00.001+08:00

Yesterday's musical was so awesome man!
HAHA, i felt like I was taken back to the first day I accepted Christ (:
And thank You Jesus, my cry out to you,
on friday, was heard and I know you answered my call for help on saturday (:

Saturday, our church had a musical, and we were encouraged to bring along some friends,
as the Lord had a message for them (:
but unfortunately.. I didn't bring along any friends...
I told the lord I felt sad that nobody responded to my invitation...
but the Lord told me
"Its alright, what is more important is that you turn up."

Sometimes I use to think, that Jesus is a saviour because He saved me from death in the hellfire.
but you know what?
Yesterday's musical came back to me that,
Jesus is a saviour in every aspect of my life, throughout all my life, He saves.
this depressed cycle that I am feeling, He is holding onto my hand in this darkness.
And faithful is He that He does not despice my dirtied hand,
that He does not let go even when I am so weak and I just cannot move on anymore.
that He would be so willing to let me rely on His strength every step of the way in the dark tunnel.
Yesterday so many new souls are touched, and saved.
and I know that my soul is saved too,
a touch from His loving hands and I am lifted up from the depression that has been pressing on to me for days.

After the musical,
the CG hanged out for dinner.
haha, dont know why but yesterday felt so special.
under the great big sky, a guitar in your arms, playing and singing and laughing with one another.
I feel like I am in paradise already (:

"Indescribable, undeniable, You place the stars in the skies and You call them by name,
You are amazing God."

"Jesus, lover of my soul. Jesus, I will never let you go. You've taken me from the miry clay, You've set my feet upon the rock, and now I know."

"Love is undeniable, You took my hands and held on to me. There is HOPE in this broken reality."

I.WANT.TO.BREAK.FREE!

2010-08-27T23:41:00.000+08:00

I am afraid to admit this, but I really am afraid of being unhappy.
I know what makes me unhappy, and I will do anything to avoid, to escape, to runaway.
I know what makes me happy too, and I hold on to them, like a straw in the stormy sea
yea I admit, I.am.a.COWARD.

Its not that everyday is a :D day,
but I take notice to remember :D rather than D:
but it gets overwhelming, when it gets into a cycle.
I am tired of this emotional battle, really.

Jesus has always been my pillar of strength.
Somehow He knows me so well, He knows what exactly I need.
He knows I really need company, that is why He never leaves me alone for too long,
He surrounds me with people who loves me, and people who I love.
He steps in, in time to paint a smile on my face, and to fill me with another happy memory (:
He helps me, through a group of caring, dedicated, beloved, and close really close, friends.

But I know He wants me to take a lesson too.
Some point in time, I may not have my loving group of family and friends around me.
Some point in time, I may find myself standing alone, with faith as my only shield.
It seems distant, and fear seems nearer than i can bear.
It seems so difficult, so difficult,
to force yourself out of the cycle and instead look unto Him instead,
After all He is my saviour,
where I cannot, He can.
but what do I do, when faith seems much more further away than the pain and the fear?

I know the solution perfectly,
in the back of my head,
I know
Jesus is my solution,
but I know this battle has not stopped yet.
I need to get out of this cycle,
this depressed vicious cycle...

Birthdays.

2010-08-24T18:19:00.001+08:00

Before I start my post,
I want to thank my mama, thank you that 18 years ago, in that little room,
you pushed your best and brought little siying into the world.
Thank you that you have been bringing me up in your own unique way these 18 years.
I know I have been really stubborn and stupid at times,
But mum, I really love you. And you should know that (:

Thank you yuting and huiyi (:
Thank you for spending my last day being 17 years old with me.
Thank you for being willing to take the time off,
and eat that freaking awesome expensive buffet (:
KUISHIN BO! <3
we had a really good time yesterday din we (:
I am so glad that, time has not killed our friendship <3
fish please take care of 霹雳闪电蘑菇头!
HAHA, i'll upload all the picture on facebook soon (:
and soon I'll go over your house to visit "头"

You know birthdays are special, it always gives me a shock on my birthday,
when I look at the calendar, and it is 24.AUGUST.
Its so glaringly there, like you cant belive today is so specially yours.
One day when your phone will not stop ringing from messages from people wishing you
"HAPPY BLESSED BIRTHDAY."
you walk around,and people start passing you gifts and wishing you happy birthday.
you get a awesome chocolate delicious cake <3
you get back home and your facebook wall is flooded
with everybody who could ever possibly wish you happy birthday
Even people you never ever thought of before.

Today I am really blessed, with the many gifts that I receive from belove friends,
even those who specially arranged to meet me outside school to pass her gift to me (:
But I mean it with my heart when I say I dont need any gifts at all,
even if you only came up to wish me happy birthday, I feel really happy already.
I was reading the birthday cards,
I love receiving cards, it beats any other gifts haha,
I read the cards, and they really touch my heart with wat was written inside.
thanks guys (:

You know my day din start off good though..
I arranged today and reserved it for my mom,
we are supposed to have a girl's day out!
But she woke up and told me she din want to go out anymore...
It sort of crushed my heart.. because she dont see how important today is to me..
But when I read the messages my family in Christ sent me,
I feel so blessed.

That my Heavenly Father would be the one who celebrates my birthday in heaven for me,
He would be the one who tells me He promise to make today every bit My day.
He the one who fearfully and wonderfully created me,
is throwing a party and blowing trumpets to celebrate Siying's birthday (:
And He made today's sun to shine upon my face,
and surround me with all the warmth I can get (:
That gave me so much comfort (:

Anyway, it does not need to be confined within today i guess,
I'll have a make up day out with her next time :D

That wraps up my first day being 18,
simple, but I feel really loved today.
That so many people cared about my birthday and are willing to ask me out to make it special for me,
It really serves as a reminder to me that there are so many reason to celebrate my life.
that I am so loved by so many,
and that there is simply NO REASON why I should sulk over spilled water at all (:

最好的我

2010-08-23T23:36:00.000+08:00

You dont have to be a lover, or a brother or a family member to love them.
You can just be a friend.
The best kind, the best kind of friend to love them the way you want.
You dont need a status,
after all love is about giving, and not about crying, over what he/she cannot give you anymore.
Smile. Because you never know who is falling in love with your smile (:

Siying's last half hour being 17,
I am going to have a blissful 18 birthday.

The gift of giving.

2010-08-19T22:58:00.001+08:00

I believe the life of a volunteer is much more happy than that of a tax collector.
When I think of what life cannot give me, it can really make me sad..
But when I start giving in my life, it sets me free,
happiness grows and blooms in my heart.
Take it as a selfish form of happiness from me ba,
You can say I have a vested interest of making myself feel good to give.
But i cannot deny it either, giving makes me happy (:

I want to reminded of this feeling,
sometimes i forget, sometimes i only focus on demanding from life,
but now I want to know, giving gives more pleasure to this world,
and to me. Siying.

Let me give you my eyes today.

Sunrise is better than sunset,
A dark sky at 6 am feels better than if it was at 12 am.
Raining days are alot better than sunny days,
People who care too much are way better than people who dont care,
A smile at all cost, is better than a frown or a tear or anything.
Sandwhiches at the canteen snacks stores, are the best when it is mixed between tuna and egg.
Not to forget cold milo (:
A happy song beats a sad song,
A sadistic thought can be countered with a word from Him.
History class are much more fun than maths class, though I love Mr Tan alot (:
Meals without hot hot soup are )):
All meat taste the same to me, be it fried, steamed, braised... etc.
Afraid of gaining weight, but just cant be bothered to eat less (:
Has a hidden ego, something you cannot see from the outside, but I can feel pressing in my heart.
Loves chili.
Likes to bake.
Keeps long meaningful messages.
Strongly believes I do not tear easily, just that there are alot of things that touches my life
Feels uncomfortable being alone, I believe I will get use to it soon enough
Cares for you, but I just feel helpless sometimes.
Feels ashamed of alot of things, but greater than that, I believe in a bigger God.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

So random right?
My eyes are random.
And that is a sneak peek. into just an average kind of girl's life.

shhhhhh....

2010-08-15T11:15:00.002+08:00

Cooking a meal takes one hour,

but eating it takes five minutes.

Constructing a building takes six months,
but blowing it up takes 30 seconds.

Earning 10,000 takes 30 days,
but paying the cashier for a 8,000 product only takes two seconds.

However, it's pretty much amazing that

a one-second kiss on the cheek can make your day;
a five-second glimpse of your crush can make your week; and
a 10-second hug can take away your one year of pain.

Band farewell
I guess somethings just dont last forever, at the very last moment,
pictures and videos and speeches just grips my heart in the most breatheless way.
I wish I can stand in the different beautiful moments of life,
and get soaked by that momentary happiness and bliss.
But no, reality is time past by, and not even memory is enough for a exhausted heart.

Its funny how I desperately wish even after years, I can still believe what I believe.
But truth is, what I believe a year ago, about many things, are just not the same now.
Not even my faith stays the same,
because each time I know Jesus more and more,
I love Him more and more.
But somethings, unfortunately change in the bad way...
I stopped believing in so many beauties in this world, already.

I stopped believing in some people I do in the past,
I wish I can love and accept, but then disappointment just rips my heart.
I wish I can look them in the eye,
and perhaps provide them with a little bit more acceptance than condemnation.
But my eyes are so limited,
not being able to see past their spikes.

I hope less changes take place
I hope that I am only surrounded with people I love,
and not to look at people who holds weapons to destruct my life now.
I hope every challenge I see ahead,
I can be assured, I am well prepared to face them and overcome them.

I
Just
Want
To
Be
H.A.P.P.Y

haha, in the end, this post has nothing to do with the farewell,
just some coped up emotions...

Something this world cannot offer to your tired soul.

2010-08-14T13:52:00.000+08:00

This videos and alot more, speaks a thousand words.
But one name speaks it all
Jesus.
It makes me tear, that Heaven should be my home to call,
God should be my Father to love,
Jesus can be my saviour in my life of mess.

haha, I am so blessed.
So blessed, when true love is revealed in all the smallest ways He showers in my life.
I really love my God, with every second of my life.

You never let go.

2010-08-10T13:35:00.003+08:00

Even though I walk through the valley
Of the shadow of death
Your perfect love is casting out fear
And even when I'm caught in the middle
Of the storms of this life
I won't turn back, I know You are near

And I will fear no evil
For my God is with me
And if my God is with me
Whom then shall I fear?
Whom then shall I fear?

Oh no, You never let go
Through the calm and through the storm
Oh no, You never let go
In every high and every low
Oh no, You never let go
Lord, You never let go of me

And I can see a light that is coming
For the heart that holds on
A glorious light beyond all compare
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes
We'll live to know You here on the earth

Yes, I can see a light that is coming
For the heart that holds on
And there will be an end to these troubles
But until that day comes

Still I will praise You
Still I will praise You

This is a really nice song (:
HAHA oh gosh 5 days pass so fast )):
Tmr, no more sunshine for me when I open my eyes to a brand new day =.=

So how was my 5 days?
Surprisingly, I spent most of them at home.
I skipped school on friday for more rest(:
But mum locked me up at home and made me miss airbender with cg later on):
Mum continues to lock me up at home on saturday, and I missed ARROW!
but I know I am not shortchanged (:
Sunday was another at home day(: watched boring movies with my mum(:
and yesterday I went out with cg!
HAHA we were SUPPOSED to catch the fireworks,
unfortunately... for these babies, we missed the fireworks haha

OK maybe it seems abit lame, HAHA
but we had so much fun :D
look how adorable we are! HAHAHAHA
credits to Daddy God for creating each of us to be so wonderfully pretty (ahem!)
and ADE and me for decorating the picture :D look at the random alien in the picture!
HAHA so cute (:
Its been SOOOOO LONG since i was on a neoprint
LOL feels like I am in sec 1 all over again(:

HAHA, siying have been studying hard these few days!
APPLAUSE FOR MYSELF!
siying go go go! ALL THE WAY I RUN FOR HIS GLORY :D
JIAYOU!

thats all folks! babye!

海角七号，第四封情书

2010-08-07T13:26:00.001+08:00

友子：
傍晚，已經進入了日本海
白天我頭痛欲裂
可恨的濃霧
阻擋了我一整個白天的視線
而現在的星光真美

記得你才是中學一年級小女生時
就膽敢以天狗食月的農村傳說
來挑戰我月蝕的天文理論嗎？
再說一件不怕你挑戰的理論
你知道我們現在所看到的星光
是自幾億光年遠的星球上
所發射過來的嗎？

哇，幾億光年發射出來的光
我們現在才看到
幾億光年的台灣島和日本島
又是什麼樣子呢？
山還是山，海還是海
卻不見了人

我想再多看幾眼星空
在這什麼都善變的人世間裡
我想看一下永恆

遇見了要往台灣避冬的烏魚群
我把對你的相思寄放在其中的一隻
希望你的漁人父親可以捕獲
友子，儘管他的氣味辛酸
你也一定要嚐一口
你會明白
我不是拋棄你，我是捨不得你
我在眾人熟睡的甲板上反覆低喃
我不是拋棄你，我是捨不得你

天亮了，但又有何關係
反正日光總是帶來濃霧
黎明前的一段恍惚
我見到了日後的你韶華已逝
日後的我髮禿眼垂
晨霧如飄雪，覆蓋了我額上的皺紋
驕陽如烈焰，焚枯了你秀髮的烏黑
你我心中最後一點餘熱完全冷卻

友子
請原諒我這身無用的軀體

每一次重看，都给我重新的感动。
世界上，我也好想遇见这样的爱情(:

Its ok for some different emotions once in awhile.

2010-08-06T21:56:00.002+08:00

Yup! Its ok that not every day in my life is happy and joyful
Its ok that once in awhile things happen and I have no control over them
But what's important is, every single day of my life is hopeful.
God does not want me to depend on how many days are there in my life,
But to depend on the life in my days (:
Jesus is the tree of life, and while i rest under His nourishment,
hope turns into reality and gives birth to miracles in my life (:
Here are some beautiful miracles from Daddy God (:

what a beautiful double rainbow(:

Do you know why there are rainbows after storms?
No! NOT because of the bending of light bla bla bla.(even the light came from God)
The bible says

"I do set my bow in the cloud, and it shall be for a token of a covenant between me and the earth. And it shall come to pass, when I bring a cloud over the earth, that the bow shall be seen in the cloud: And I will remember my covenant, which [is] between me and you and every living creature of all flesh; and the waters shall no more become a flood to destroy all flesh. And the bow shall be in the cloud; and I will look upon it, that I may remember the everlasting covenant between God and every living creature of all flesh that [is] upon the earth. " (Genesis 9:13-16, KJV)

The rainbow is a symbol of God's faithfulness.
It is His reminder that He has signed a covenant with Abraham
and that He shall never send a drought or cause mishap to anybody ever again.
Especially after each storms in our life,
we may be reminded of His faithfulness as He sets a rainbow, and builds in happiness in our life!
"And he that sat was to look upon like a jasper and a sardine stone: and [there was] a rainbow round about the throne, in sight like unto an emerald. " (Revelation 4:3, KJV)
Even at the climatic of Jesus's return to Earth, a Raibow was set (:
That shows us how God's promise is fulfilled by His son,
and that we may be glad that He never ever forgets about His love for us <3

The next miracle will be YOU

Your life started off as a champion when you beat every other sperm
and made it to the egg in time and still alive.
Its a miracle you came into this world,
Its a miracle that God chose YOU and only YOU
You're a blessing(: so precious and dont you undervalue yourself a single bit!
out of all the other life which could have took your place now.

Dont you feel sometimes we like to carry a magnifying glass
and MAGNIFY every little unhappy incidents in our life?
Why dont we turn around the magnifying glass and start magnifying the colours of life?

Life could be so wonderful (:
A colorful life, a color to signify every moment, every memory, every person in your life.
I remember seeing this chinese movie before,
A guy born color blind, and one day he met the girl of his life,
that was the first time he ever saw the color pink.
haha, isnt that sweet? A nice pink for a first love <3

Sometimes, we just CANT stop complaining over life.
oh man there are extra lessons AGAIN,
oh man there are so much work to do! these exams are driving me crazy .....
Its almost instinctive for each of us to complain,
but let me share with you a secret weapon thats much more powerful than complains
Prayer
Turn your complains into prayers (:
It helps you turn the lemons into lemonade in life (;
When He is in charge, a mourn turns into a cry of joy! (:

This is such a random post,
haha but when I think about this things, and i post it down here in my own blog,
involuntarily i learn the word
Appreciate.
I really appreciate this life that I have, appreciate you,you,you and you in my life (:
Its a blessing to be living, and you dont need to be dying to know this fact.

Albert einstein has a quote
-There are two ways to live your life- one, as though nothing is a miracle, the other is as though everything is a miracle.

I rather the other one (:

I have got a video here to share with you too.
Its not just a motivational speech i have to share.
Its not just something that you feel for a moment, and later on forget all about it.
There is a very important lesson here that I feel we should take away,
and not spend decades before we arrive at this same conclusion I am going to show you.
This is a last lecture by a man who is going to die in months time after the video was taken.

Motivated! Not stress!

2010-07-27T23:33:00.000+08:00

I got addicted to pixar ( as usual) after Missleong's motivating speech.
Alot of the videos made me cry, especially this little kiwi.

A little kiwi, willing to go to such heights for her dream.
What about you?
What have you done about your dream?

ok, this is a official note to you "faithful" readers out there
(if there is any)
That this blog shall be less active from now on
Because I have gotta start studying in depth!
Less active= less than 1 per week,
hahaha, so it wont be dead, but just I will update less (:

God bless you A level muggers! (;

Appreciating the littlest things

2010-07-25T20:42:00.000+08:00

Haha, I did not mention on my last post, one of the happiest this week,
was when I met the DG, for chocolate fondue (:
<3 the choc fondue at Bishan! <3
I love hanging out with my dg(:

Today my dearest lizhen accepted Christ today(:
I love this feeling, knowing God touched another soul,
knowing her life is going to tranform from glory to glory,
i feel so happy for her (:
It reminds me of my own day, around two years ago<3
My life was changed for the better forever (:

Oh this post is abit random
I was doing my ASEAN sbq, and on-ed my blog, to let the music player play the songs

when anyone of you pop by my blog, do you automatically mute my music player?
Haha, you should really try listening to them some time (:
I really love those songs,
I dont know why I am so drawn to mayday,
but their songs remind me alot of life,
They can bring me through happy times,
and when I get emo occasionally,
it understands and relates to me as well.

haha, simple lyrics, but they speak great things.

So many things to say (:

2010-07-24T21:26:00.003+08:00

There are so many things to tell I just dont know where to start from :D

This week started really bad ):
Bad day bad day bad day...
But now that it is ending, i say this week is GOOOOOD!

let's forget about the bad stuff and let me tell you all the awesome stuff (:

1) RSSB GOLD!!!!!

I am so damn happy, and proud of you guys (:
The feeling i got when i finally got to know the news was...
indescribable (:
Nobody will understand what's with all the hu ha over a gold?
But i know, i know just how hard you little ones work (:
I know just how much you little ones love the band, love the music(:
I know on stage, no longer are you in a competition,
you guys are just there to show how beautiful RSSB's music is (:
I feel so so so proud of each of you (: To continue our legacy
Thank you RSSB that you guys always never fail to bring me new lessons each time
That you guys never fail to teach me how passion feels
that deep strong patriotic feel for our band (:
I really am so proud of you guys!
even without the title gold,
YOU GUYS ARE A GOLD WITH HONORS, WORLD CLASS BAND TO ME!

haha! i can go on and on and on forever over the most awesome band on earth man <3
I miss you guys so much!
YEAR END CONCERT see you guys! :DDDDD

2) CAREGROUP!

Yesterday caregroup's message liberated me again
because saturday's message confused me in the week..
Saturday talked about, how God shows His love by correcting you
He loves you as you are, but loves you too much to leave you the way you are
But i find correction so painful )):
My flesh resist correction to my ways, but I know God's heart wish me to correct
)): There i found a dilemma-
correct myself, because God wishes me to, or go through the painful correction?

But yesterday, cg, we went deeper into the message.
in John 15:18

"I am the true vine, and my Father is the gardener. 2He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes[a] so that it will be even more fruitful. 3You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. 4Remain in me, and I will remain in you. No branch can bear fruit by itself; it must remain in the vine. Neither can you bear fruit unless you remain in me."

Jesus is the vine, while Daddy God is the gardener.
I am a branch in Jesus, and even when i bear fruit,
Daddy God prunes me so that I may be even more fruitful in life
He prunes me through correction in my life,
because He sees great potential in my life,
and wants me to constantly be corrected to be a better person

Have you gone through corrections yourself?
Take this scenario

I am doing my revision at home,
My mum came home from work, and started bossing me around
requiring me to do all the household chores.
I get angry and frustrated, and started throwing a tantrum
this ends with a quarrel with my mum.

God tells me, that every authority in my life- teachers, family, schools etc.
are placed and authorised by Him, so these are areas where correction happens in my life.
But when correction gets painful, what do we do???

1 PETER 5
Likewise you younger people, submit yourselves to your elders. Yes, all of you be submissive to one another, and be clothed with humility, for

“ God resists the proud, But gives grace to the humble.”[b]

6 Therefore humble yourselves under the mighty hand of God, that He may exalt you in due time, 7 casting all your care upon Him, for He cares for you.

All you have to do, is cast your cares upon Him (:

so the same scenario-

I am doing my revision,
my mum came home after work and nagged at me to do some household chores.
I pray, and then I went over to help my mum.
I realise afterwards, that God wanted me to see from my mum's point of view
to understand that she is really tired after work, and needed my help in household chores
I could actually help relief her stress by helping her.

Notice here?
this time, I decided to cast my pain from correction to Him,
I prayed, and accepted the correction.
In the end, the correction allowed me to understand my mum's stand
It also allowed me to learn something valuable from the Lord (:

Correction given to me by the lord, is His way of loving me
If I were not important, He would have left me the way I am
But because He sees alot more potential in me,
He corrected my ways, in the light of seeing me grow as a person in my character (:

I feel like shouting praises to Him!
Thank you Lord, thank You that You never leave me confused by Your works,
You always teach me to understand and see Your heart for me (:

3) Jimmy's farewell! :( + :D

Though I have only been under your leadership for less than 2 years,
I really am blessed so much by your contributions to the caregroup(:
Whatever I wanted to say,I wrote on my page in your book already :D
Thanks jimmy for helping me in one way and another in my walk with the Lord,
the caregroup will definately miss you once you leave for poland this coming month
May the Lord bless you and keep you save and happy over there! :D

4) Today i went and had a near 3 hour lesson on guitar!

Cool man, guitar really is so fun :D
but its abit painful for my fingers...
LOL!
i wanna learn more more more!
and play more worship and mayday songs :D
haha!

5) TOMORROW

I AM GOING FOR SERVICE

WITH WONG LI ZHEN!

This week, something amazing happened.
Lizhen came up to me on tuesday, and told me she wants to accept Christ!
WOAH! this is mind blowing!
HAHAHA i am so happy so happy!
That God called upon you now, and you're going to be my beloved sister soon!
This sunday!
I really cannot wait ><
Lizhen, it is going to be the best day of your life,
just as mine had been the best day of my life (:
your life shall shine brighter and brighter! Amen! :DDD
thank You Jesus!!!

Thank You Lord,
that you never leave me when I am in my lowest mood during the bad monday this week
You lift me up, and You taught me how to overcome my fear of correction (:
Thank You so much that I am not to lose hope when You are the source of my hope! :DDD

岁月记忆有上帝

2010-07-18T18:26:00.000+08:00

往事，缠绊，美丽着，却又时时悄然遗漏。瑟瑟的晚风拂动着檐下的风铃，生命一杯酿着辛酸与甘甜的烈酒，是那么无法婉拒的一醉啊！

光阴有另外一个美丽的名字，叫岁月。不愿意忘怀的温馨片段，但最终也如溪水，汇入永不回流的大海。我不在茫然失措地站在岁月的渡口，等候着，在下一个不知是怎样的日子里仓皇的漂流；我也无法潇洒地伸出，那企盼牵住季节的手，就在林林总总的记忆里，品位年少是那份无缝的自由。

这是终将落幕的舞台，一出孤单的剧幕里，我捻着青春的发角，恋恋的回首，就把一次次的擦肩相遇，演绎成缤纷的春与落花的秋。多情的是这岁月，让我们体会上帝赋予生命的万千感受；偏偏无情的仍是这岁月，让所有不舍的日子，都不能停下脚步，就只有一次次绚丽的梦里，回到青春的时候，看那淡淡的云彩轻轻地游。

像是风中的花瓣啊，最美的刹那，却是凋落的尽头。我不遗余力的想握住飞扬的四季，只想阻拦他那匆匆的脚步，再也不轻易放手！

我只是这地球中匆匆经过的一介过客，拢着欢喜或是哀愁，最终悄悄地来，又悄悄地走。只等着将这百年的心事，凝成一次永恒的聚首。

我走进想象中的时光隧道，希望捕捉那毫不停留，风风雨雨的四季。我感恩，抬头望天，我始终还是看见上帝的一双怜爱的眼睛.....
.他告诉我“这些年来，我一直在你身边我不会放弃。”

假如说人向前走是拍电影的话，那么回忆就是看电影，每个人都是自己生命的演员，也是生命的主角，上帝你就是导演；因为你主导我们度过悠悠岁月长河，留下斑斓的刻骨铭心。

剪辑曾经的点点滴滴，我在荒盲地世界寻秋一丝真挚，用感动的泪光洗褪心中的点点尘埃，或以一个旁观者身份去重视捡视过往的岁月......多少次，上帝你用爱呼唤我，失败时，你曾经鼓励，成功时，你警戒我，不要自满，难过时，你一双手环抱我。想起你，回忆生命车站，我要说
:“亲爱的主，谢谢你”

-A really beautiful passage written from a heart that sees Grace (:

WEIRD dream

2010-07-17T22:35:00.000+08:00

The guard pushes me violently into the room.
All around me, are buff and smelly men smoking and glaring at me.
I beg the guards to let me out,
"You guys got the wrong person? I never commit any crime!?"
But they refuse to let me out.

One of the criminal came up and start hitting me,
It was so painful! ><
I was terrified, but angry,
I wanna fight back! But the others pulled me out,
I am so scared, why am I here? What have I done to deserve this???
I saw a phone lying around, suddenly a number appears in my head
I wanna call that number and ask for help,

After that, I woke up, and felt tears on my face.
Phew what a scary and weird dream-.-
Haha, is that the repercussion from the "blood pledge" movie on friday night?
but the movie not scary at all!?
HAHA, speaking of movies, I really love watching horror movies with beloveds in Christs!
The horror movie seems like comedy when I watch with you guys (:
Lets go for another one soooon! YAY!

Anyway there was service today, and the message was awesome (:
I will share with you all tmr (:
Here is a really nice video to share with you guys!
SHALOM!

Not a saint.

2010-07-12T21:03:00.000+08:00

I am not a saint, though I know God is changing me for the better each time.
I cant hold my temper at times,
I am the type who dont flare up easily, but once i do, I get super super super overboard..

Today..
I met ANOTHER scammer taxi driver,
who went extra extra miles and uturns while i accidentally fell asleep...
I was so so so angry, I asked him to let me off by the road,
cos I rather walk home!
And this time i dont care, I scolded him,
"Please operate with integrity next time"
And then i got off, starting to walk along the streets.
This man, did not let things off after his horrible actions
He droved beside me, and spammed all sorts of vulgarities at me
finally he scolded the most insulting c word to woman
and I gave him the finger without thinking.

I gave him a finger!?
WHAT THE HELL!
what was i thinking man?
I just lowered myself to his standards, and now i am no better.
A finger from me!
siying gave a finger -.-
I hate myself now.

Gotta jian tao, gotta reflect )):
God please help me through..

In the hospital.

2010-07-08T22:40:00.001+08:00

Your courage touched me,and I am really so proud of you.
I cant understand fully what you're going through,
Even when I imagined what it would be like to be in your shoes,
I cant imagine myself with the same courage you had... I might have given up on life.
But you were so strong, not a tear, and you accepted it
but I know you still yearn for hope and miracles right?

I know from your eyes, you still earn for a miracle
I know from your eyes, you still hope for all of these to never have taken place.
Dont let hope die, dont think it is fruitless
Because heaven is praying for you, He is watching over you.
I say your hope is more than fulfilled, it is blessed (:

you dont know this,
but you gave me more interaction with my heavenly Father
I asked Him what is His plan for you
He told me
"Victory"

You are victorious indeed.
With that courage and a hope in the heart, the battle is half won(:
Dont give up, for the Lord is in this with you,
He lifts your head up, and with His own hands, He washes you clean.
He says that no disease shall have dominion over the body He created.
And the biggest hope you can take comfort is,
He loves you so much, He will not let you suffer more in that disease.

Let me stand in faith with you.
In Jesus name, I declare you're already Healed physcally and mentally.
In Jesus name, I declare this encounter with Him will change your life for the better.
His plan shall fall upon your life, and you will definately be victorious in every area of your life (:
you're really so blessed,
that God of the most high is so concerned and focusing so much of His love on you

Friend(: thank you,
thank you through I got to see more of His glory and His tender love
We are so priviledged to have Him in every moment of our life,
through bitter and sweet (:

To dwell in the most beautiful thing on Earth,Heaven and Hell:)

2010-07-05T22:57:00.000+08:00

你是巨大的海洋　我是雨下在你身上
我失去了自己的形狀　我看到遠方　愛情的模樣

曾經孤單的徬徨　曾經相信曾經失望
你穿過了重重的迷惘　那愛的慌張　終於要解放

你是誰　叫我狂戀　教我勇敢的挑戰全世界
在一樣的身體裡面　一樣有愛與被愛的感覺
我愛誰　已無所謂　沒有誰能將愛情劃界限
在一樣的身體裡面　謎樣的魔力卻是更強烈
星星在夜空中閃亮　星空下我不停流浪
此生我無知的奔忙　因為你眼光　都化成了光亮

這世界全部的漂亮　不過你的可愛模樣
你讓我舉雙手投降　跨出了城牆　長出了翅膀

Its probably lame to you, that I always repeat over and over again,
how I get mesmorized by the greatest creation by God.
Love.

When the world is changing everyday, when everything is moving in a rapid space
who gives a shit about God's love,
they look through corners of their life,
they peek through crackholes,
They frantically search through everypage of their life,
Finally they give up, and find fate in a life without the warmth of love.
Nothing, they hold, can hold up to what I have in my life,
the root of every happiness in this eternity,
His love (:

At the confrontation of love,people fall weak,letting emotions be their motivations.
They would go to lengths to show how great their love can be,
But someday, their emotions may wear off,
no emotions can motivate them anymore, and love dies in that second ):

But the day when You let me into Your embrace,
Ive broke free from emotions, and instead now I am led by Your very hands (:
No matter how things change,
no matter what happens, Our love is the same!

Yesterday's arrow service was so awesome (:
Its talks about the love of God (:
The love of God is not changed because of our situation,
even if I prayed for no rain today, and it rained,
it DOES NOT mean God loves me no more,
Trials in life do not exhibit a lack of His love (:
for the bible promises that these trials can be turned over for my good because He loves me

Even if it rained today, I take heart blessings are raining down on earth,
without an umbrella?
Who cares, Ive got a shield that prevents me from being sick,
at the same time lets me enjoy every drop of blessing that falls on my skin (:

Today I went out on another movie trip :D
this time, with beloved 3809.
We watched a boring movie, called letters to juliet.
Honestly, Ive forgotten since when have I started to find romance a bore.
Its so typical, even before the ending, you would have guessed what would happen..
The movie promotes true love,
love that lasts, love that calls the most beautiful revival in a heart that has given up
Love that never dies,
and brings people across the ocean just to be with the one true love of their life.

One day, when God reveals to me a special person whom He has prepared for me,
I'll truly understand how true love from heaven flows between me and my loved ones (:

Miracles

2010-07-02T09:58:00.002+08:00

Do you believe in miracles?
The condition for miracles are difficulties,
when you're facing difficulties, can you still trust for miracles?

This mid years common test, I have witnessed just how faithful God is (:
I hardly have enough time for revision in the hols..
But He tells me, His wisdom is sufficient (:
Whatever portion of revision I have made, He will multiply it for me!
so that when I look at my exam papers, I see Grace shining brightly at me :D

Miracle 1 in mdyrs:

I was late ten minutes for econs paper! D:

But God tells me, He will provide the time for me, since He is the creator of time (:

He tells me, I have nothing to fear, and that His spirit will lead me in the paper

Guess what? I finished the paper in time,

and I felt damn good about the answers I gave :D

Miracle 2 in mdyrs:

We all know CLL is the worst subject for siying right?

Being a dreaded subject, I just dont like to revise it at all ):

One night before CLL exam, I was damn stress,

trying to squeeze the entire syllabus inside my brain ><

In the end I only managed to study... 30 % of everything

Let me give you a brief hint of how much I studied

Out of 15 poems, I studied 2, and I only briefly touched two..

Out of 3 short passages, I only studied one,

and I only touched on one 艺术特色, together with some思想内容

Out of three drama scenes in 茶馆,

I only touched on the 思想内容of the first scene:X

Out of every other aspects of 雪山飞狐

I only studied three艺术特色 ><

And you know what, God tells me, He is in control (:

In the exam paper, the two poems i studied came out!

for the short passage, the question tested EXACTLY on the

only 艺术特色and 思想内容 I studied!

For 茶馆,the question only test on first scene's historical events! which I studied! :O

Finally, for 雪山飞狐，

teacher tested on 2 艺术特色which I studied out of the three! :D

These are the major miracles :D
and I really wanna thank You Abba Father, that You NEVER fail me (:
Because of You, I understand that there is no coincidence or accidents in my life,
Miracles happen not because of luck, but because of You! (:
Thank You that when I am weak, You make me strong(:

猪是的念来过倒不！

2010-07-01T20:49:00.003+08:00

HAHA! Have you figured out my title for this post?:P

Here's something for you :D

1)《猛鬼电话》
以前打电话号码不像现在用按的，是用手指插进一个有洞的圆盘播的。
话说，从前从前......

小明的电话号码是 444-4444话打进来......
某天午夜12点的时候，电话响了，小明拿起话筒，
电话那头用凄惨的声音说：“请问这里是 444-4444 吗？请帮我打110，我好惨啊!...."
小明：“你去找别人帮你，不要来找我！”
那人：“我只能打电话到 444-4444."
小明吓死了，赶快挂上电话，只能打到 444-4444？难道是鬼！？
一会儿电话又响了，小明不敢接，但是电话一直响......小明只好接起来。

那人：“请问这里是 444-4444 吗？可以帮我打11-报警吗？我好惨啊！
我的手指卡在电话播孔里了！T_T"

2)《推销》
一天我在宿舍看书，一个推销的进来向我推销袜子。我嫌麻烦就买了几双，等那人走了，我仔细一看差点乐晕：上面写着“made in deguo "

3)《爆笑口误》

i）大学时，一同学和我争论问题，一处于夏风，情急中一拍起身大叫
：“你胡说！我又不是不傻！”

ii）我一个朋友给另一个朋友打电话，对方的爷爷接的。那朋友不知是在想什么，一张口就说
：“爷爷，我是奶奶.....’
突然觉得不对，呕一下就把电话挂了......

3)《一只兔子在公司的遭遇》

*第一家公司老板：兔兔，今天工作忙不忙？
兔兔：不忙。
下班时老板对兔兔说：你明天不用来了。
兔兔：为什么？
老板：因为你不能多为公司干事，所以才会不忙，公司要你何用？

*第二家公司老板：兔兔，今天工作忙不忙？
兔兔：很忙。
下班时老板对兔兔说：你明天不用来了。
兔兔：为什么？
老板：因为你做事没有条理性，所以才会整天忙，公司要你何用？

*第三家公司
老板：兔兔，今天工作忙不忙？
兔兔：还行。
下班时老板对兔兔说：你明天不用来了。
兔兔：为什么？
老板：因为你做事不理性，所以才会有什么"还行"不"还行"的，公司要你何用？

*第四家公司
老板：兔兔，今天工作忙不忙？
兔兔：刚忙完。
下班时老板对兔兔说：你明天不用来了。
兔兔：为什么？
老板：因为你做事效率太低，做完就不能检查一下么？公司要你何用？

*第五家公司
老板：兔兔，今天工作忙不忙？
兔兔：有些做完了，也检查过了，现在在做其他事。下班时老板对兔兔说：你明天不用来了。
兔兔：为什么？
老板：因为你做事缺乏系统性，有些事不会一起做么？公司要你何用？

*第六家公司
老板：兔兔，今天工作忙不忙？
兔兔：我的工作都做完了，正在帮别人做。下班时老板对兔兔说：你明天不用来了。
兔兔：为什么？
老板：因为你做事没有打算，你不会自己规划一下明天要做的事么？公司要你何用？

*第七家公司
老板：兔兔，今天工作忙不忙？
兔兔：今天的工作做完了，明天的工作也了。下班时老板对兔兔说：你明天不用来了。
兔兔：为什么？
老板：因为你做事不考虑整体，你不会帮同事分忧解劳吗？公司要你何用？

*第八家公司
老板：兔兔，今天工作忙不忙？
兔兔：今天的和明天的工作都做完了，现在在帮同事的忙。
下班时老板对兔兔说：你明天不用来了。
兔兔：为什么？
老板：因为你太爱出风头，你的帮忙很可能造成其他人的懒惰或压力，公司要你何用？

*第九家公司
老板：兔兔，今天工作忙不忙？
兔兔：等一下，我思考一下再回答你。
下班时老板对兔兔说：你明天不用来了。
兔兔：为什么？
老板：你目中无人，我问你话竟然一再搪塞我，公司要你何用？

*第十家公司
老板：兔兔，今天工作忙不忙？
兔兔：我......我......不、不知道......该、该怎么、回答你。
下班时老板对兔兔说：你明天不用来了。
兔兔：为什么？
老板：因为你连做事忙不忙都不知道，公司要你何用？

*第十一家公司
老板：兔兔，今天工作忙不忙？
兔兔：去你的，老子辞职了~~~~~~~~~~
老板：嘿！有个性，我们公司就不放你走!

Few days ago, I was frantically looking through my cupboard for my J1 chinese lit book,
and I found this book "猪是的念来过倒不"
Its a precious book given to me by my darling anata Julianaaaa :D
The book is filled with laughter, and I really wish to share it here with you!
Even though my blog has a low reader-count :P
Its so damn funny, that I just had to type it all out for you!(:

Hope it brings a smile and a laughter to your life
even for a few seconds!
Because a smile is the best makeup for a face (:
I love it when someone smiles at me! :DDD
haha! in case you havent figure out my title, read it backwards! :D

SIDENOTE: mid years are OVER! :D
10 weeks to prelim, and I aint sweating :P

Sometimes its just so hard to believe.

2010-06-26T10:47:00.000+08:00

Sometimes its just so hard to believe how good my God is (:
Of all the church He could have placed me in, He placed me in the BEST one.
He gave me the best gift no one else could have given me, He gave me Himself.
I would not have understood just how awesome He is, if not for my church.
I would not have understood Grace in such depth, if not for my church.
I would not have seen the most beautiful truth in Jesus, if not for my church.
I really honestly thank God, that before I return to His kingdom , where I truly belong,
I found an awesome temporary home in New creation church :)

I really love the feeling after Ive been through a service,
or after Ive been through another caregroup session,
or after a awesome outing with the caregroup,
or just simply meeting the caregroup, even for studies (:
You plant so many happy and strong seeds in my life,
just so I can lead the life you desire for me-blessed, loved,joyful one (:

When I find no value in myself at all,
You showed me through the cross that I mean so much to You,
You died for me.

You so willingly took away all my sickness and disease,
all my sins and tearful past, you embraced it when You bore the 39 stripes for me.
and now, instead of sickness and disease, I receive Your healing
instead of depression and oppression, I receive Your joy and favor (:
Sometimes, just by understanding this fact, I am awed beyond words already.
Its just so hard to believe sometime, how blessed I am..

Yesterday's caregroup, everyone was sharing about the History Maker camp
AWESOME man!
We're gonna be such mighty man and woman of Christ, we are gonna live out His legacy!

Through the caregroup session, I was again washed off by His so amazing love.
I am so thankful that He actually set me apart from people,
and breathed life into my life of sins.
He gave me Himself when I receive His holy spirit,
that my life is not just any life,
my life is a spirit led one, that He in me ,
is guiding and teaching me every moment of my life.

This joy that I feel, how I wish everybody can understand and feel it too
It gives me strength even in the worst situation,
It gives me hope, hope for supernatual miracles, that is given through the hands of love.

Thank You lord, I cannot paint your love just through these words.
Your love is for each spirit out there to experience themselves (:

Awesome healing service (:

2010-06-24T13:00:00.002+08:00

Yesterday's praise and worship was so annointed!
One song really touched my heart, so I posted it here to share :D

What beautiful lyrics :)

Could we with ink the ocean fill,

And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade;
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky.

Because it really tells you just how measureless and strong God's love is (:
My dearest caregroup mates are all back from history maker camp
haha, from all the pictures and comments on facebook, I can really tell it was AWESOME!
Cant wait for caregroup this friday, I'm sure they have loads and loads to share with us (:
man Jesus I wanna be there next year!
I believe I'll be there next year! Amen! :D

Yesterday, I met part of the caregroup to study before midweek service
And man, yesterday's service was so special.
First time I hear pastor lawrence preach (:
He likes to repeat
" Our God is a GOOD God "
haha Agrees!

Yesterday pastor asked
"Have you reached the rock bottom of your life?"
"Have you lost all hopes in yourself"
Thats GOOD. yes, its GOOD.
That is good, you know why?
Because it is EXACTLY at this moment you can allow Jesus to enter into your life :)

I feel so loved, and touched by God yesterday,
when I understand how very willing and able He is to heal my friend.
I really cant wait for the miracle He has in store for you, friend :)
Miracle in healing dont just happen in some random email, or hearsays,
it can happen in my life, in the people I care for,
because as I love them this much, God loves them EVEN MORE !

Thank You Jesus, for the beautiful entrance You've made in his situation!
I belive I belive he is healed completely physically and mentally as I speak this words :)
because he is Healed by Your almighty hands :)

Amen.

A message from Mrs Leonard

2010-06-23T12:46:00.001+08:00

     I grew up knowing I was different, and I hated it. I was born with a cleft palate, and when I started to go to school, my classmates-who were constantly teasing- made it clear to me how I must look to others: a little girl with a misshapen lip, crooked nose, lopsided teeth, and hollow and somewhat garbled speech. I couldn't even blow up a balloon without holding my nose, and when I bent to drink from a fountain, the water spilled out of my nose.

   When my schoolmates asked, "What happened to your lip?" I'd tell them that I'd fallen as a baby and cut it on a piece of glass. Somehow it seemed more acceptable to have suffered an accident than to have been born different. By the age of seven I was convinced that no one outside my own family could ever love me. Or even like me.

    And then I entered the second grade, and Mrs. Leonard's class. I never knew what her first name was -- just Mrs. Leonard. She was round and pretty and fragrant, with chubby arms and shining brown hair and warm dark eyes that smiled even on the rare occasions when her mouth didn't. Everyone adored her. But no one came to love her more than I did. And for a special reason.

    The time came for the annual "hearing tests" given at our school. I was barely able to hear anything out of one ear, and was not about to reveal yet another problem that would single me out as different. And so I cheated. I had learned to watch other children and raised my hand when they did during group testing. The "whisper test" however, required a different kind of deception: Each child would go to the door of the classroom, turn sideways, close one ear with a finger, and the teacher would whisper something from her desk, which the child would repeat. Then the same thing was done for the other ear. I had discovered in kindergarten that nobody checked to see how tightly the untested ear was being covered, so I merely pretended to block mine.

    As usual, I was last, but all through the testing I wondered what Mrs. Leonard might say to me. I knew from previous years that she whispered things like "The sky is blue" or "Do you have new shoes?"

    My turn came up. I turned my bad ear to her plugging up the other solidly with my finger, then gently backed my finger out enough to be able to hear. I waited and then the words that God had surely put into her mouth, seven words that changed my life forever.

Mrs. Leonard, the pretty, fragrant teacher I adored, said softly, "I wish you were my little girl."

Love heals. A small expression of love goes a long way.

Sing spirit sing (:

2010-06-22T01:40:00.001+08:00

I've got a post about my cousin's marriage brewing, but I really cant wait to post this up.

You know this holiday, I have been having consistent sleeping problems..
from my previous previous previous post you should know this already right?
I dont know why its so dificult to sleep for me..
But insomia is a pretty bad experience ):
I lay in bed with all my confusing thoughts.
as time drags on, the thoughts drift futher,
and as much as I would like to control, it sometimes make me sad ):

I dont like this feeling.. neither are these thoughts what God has given me.
To be thinking in the flesh, and to dwell in unhappy incidents..
It was a torture to add on to insomia...
But as I slowly get into my dreams after a long time,
I wake up and forget about the insomia
But this cycle goes on...
And God does not want this for me.

Yesterday night, a harmless topic with Joshua,
and it became another revelation for me (:
Praise God for the work He is doing in your life Joshua! :D
so happy God found you (:
Joshua has this problem of being unable to sleep too..
He told Alvin and got a revelation himself, so he shared it with me (:

Dont pray like you're begging for sleep.
Dont pray and lose peace...
but instead really spend time and talk to Jesus(:
You know what's the most beautiful thing about talking to Jesus?
You can look into His eyes, and see yourself smiling back in His beautiful eyes.
That's Jesus, who see you as the apple of His eye (:
After that Joshua sent me songs from this album called still water by ncc..
I was so touched by the song, i cried..

You wont understand how beautiful the feeling is,
to listen to your spirit sing a beautiful anthem of his love.
So much peace and joy these songs send to me,
I feel so silly to even consider all the unhappy incidents while i am having insomia (:
Thank you Jesus, yesterday night I had really awesome sleep without a single dream to disturb me (:

I sent these songs to someone who needs them even more than i do today.
I pray that it will bless you abundantly.
I pray it gives you hope, strength, peace and joy.

How priviledged I feel (: to be loved so much,
that He would pay so much attention to the little things in my life
that He would care if I have been sleeping well (:
That He will care for the people around me, because I care for them too (:

And thank God, for guiding me so far.
I know you're working something powerful in my friends' situation,
this coming midweek! I will find answers and revelations in the sermon (:
Healing is a DEFINATE promise in the bible!
Amen!
:D

Tearful, but so beautiful.

2010-06-16T13:01:00.001+08:00

I did not understand at first,
I thought you guys were blinded and tired out by too many problems.
I felt it was too much to lose to let the other party go because of a recurring issue
If there is a big problem existing, well then, love is much bigger than that.
If you feel tired out trying to solve all the impossibilities.
Stop and rest in each other.
I felt sorry that something so beautiful and rare shared between two person should be given up
I really hoped you guys can really take your eyes off the great big lump of problem ahead.
But both of you are so similar.
And it all adds up to a very beautiful picture I come to see.

So insistent on letting go,
I see that its not only because of that problem,
Both of you see the other better off without yourself.
You see the relationship being so hard and cruel to the other party,
so you insist on letting go, hoping it will be a relief to the other party.
Can you believe it? this thought is unison between both of you.
In the end, the pain you're enduring in silence, is in exchange for his/her pain too ):
because both of you are tooooooo selfless.
Your only hope is for his/her long term happiness, after the relationship ends ):

But how can you be sure?
How do you know in long term what will happen?
Its a big bet you're taking.
I feel so sad, when I understood one part of the recurring issue.

So familiar this story, I'm sure God is tearing up there to know this ):
His love, His most wonderful love, separated two loving hearts ):
This is not His heart for us.
He created man and woman, to love each other.
I'm sure there is a very divine reason why He had planted this fate in you guys' life
For you to have met each other, there is a very significant reason.
And dont even blame yourself for making this relationship so painfully beautiful.
I'm so proud of you guys, to have understood love in such depth at such a young age.

I dont know why I am so kaypo ><
But i feel really so sorry my sister like friend should go through all of this.
It pains me when I see you so jolly in school, but I know how much pain you're swallowing inside.
Dont torture yourself so much,dont take it up all on yourself,
know what? I'm here for you (: definately.
Even though I dont know how to solve a difficult problem in a relationship..

I am left awed and helpless at the end of yesterday night.
Your love is much more beautiful than what meets the eyes,
even the ending, is a tearful but beautiful one.

Daddy God listen to me please,
Such a rare and beautiful love, i bring it into your hands,
While we can only work with the situation,
we are helpless, but You the creator and the lover,
You can change the situation over for them.
Let a wonderful miracle happen for them, and as they take charge of their decision,
ease their pain, dry their tears, let their walk away or towards each other be a easy and trial free one.
I believe You are working for them, build in the missing links, and Guide them always,
Guide them with Your marvelous plan, let them be happy, always,
In Jesus name
Amen.

But this I believe, you are each other's biggest happiness.

Qualifications.

2010-06-13T16:56:00.000+08:00

Warning! Long post ahead, I hope you have the patience to read and absorb every word (:

Yesterday started in one of the worst yet familiar way for me.
I was two hours late for econs class,
and when I went inside the lecture hall, alot of people turned to look at the latecomer,
I felt really small, felt really lousy, and felt really bad ):
I am ALWAYS late for everything, every single thing..
Yesterday I tried very hard to be early, i woke up extra early,
got ready, went out before the sky lit up,
and then i reached the custom,
I forgot to bring my passport!?
At that time something very very ridiculous flashed through my mind,
"Siying the day you die, you're gonna die of blurness -.- "

Haha, see how it is sooo easy to fall into condemnations?
But thank God, I have awesome defacto-brother, Suhail
who helped me after class,
and went through what mrs ho has gone through before i got to class

And i really wish to thank God that He can turn the worst of days around for my good (:
Yesterday was a surprise, cause Juliana suddenly sms-ed me to ask me out to celebrate xiaoqi's birthday
And i have got to confessed again, I thought her birthday was on 14th june!?
er I cant remember, but 14th June feels like a very important date?
haha is someone's birthday on 14th??
Anyway, it was really good to see them (:
caught up, ate till we wanna puke over the chao ta steamboat (:
and that stupid xiao qi keep calling me shi ya!
what the hell, how can mix up my name!? ):
anyway after that came the best part of the day,

Caregroup!

There's so much takeaway from the caregroup yesterday man!
I just cannot help but feel His love for me, takine me off the feet and washing me all over!
Yesterday we were talking about the subject
which matters very much in this point of life for each and single one of us..
Qualifications, what qualifies us for success?

Do you sometimes feel disqualified for a success?
I was asked, have I ever felt sometimes that something in me disqualifies me for my success?
What a surprise, right at the heart of the issue I was thinking about in the morning!
God prepared a answer for me that day in caregroup(:

I feel I am too blur, and too careless, and that's what disqualifies me for my success.
I feel very irresponsible ): I cannot even take care of myself well enough,
I always make my parents worry alot alot for me, because I am way TOOOO BLUR ):
I feel so condemned, I actually thought I will die of my blurness!?
But God see things so different from the way I see it.

Through the caregroup, He told me He qualified me fore EVERYTHING,
He qualified me for my success despite my blurness.
Because, He sent His darling son down,
and now Jesus is my qualifications (:
I am not qualified for successes in life because of my talents, or because of my beauty (ahem!)
I am not qualified because of how sociable I am or am not,
I am not qualified because of how hard I strive for my own excellence
I am qualified, solely, because of Jesus (:

You know the feeling if you're a graduate with honors degrees from Havard, or Oxford?
You feel so honored, and that any firm will hire you because of your qualifications.
Guess what's even better?
Having Jesus as your qualifications beats everything else man! (:

There's a worship song that always touches my heart during service,
"Jesus, when I see You, all my fears they fade away."
What's blurness? The grace of God is much mightier!
He will overpower my blur traits! He will change me from the inside(:
Amen!
I dont have to fear, I dont have to worry, because my sucess is blood paid,
Its written, and promised, and It will definately come true (:

Through the session, I got to hear the different stories from my caregroup mates
and after I have heard their different areas of struggles in life,
I am surprised how strong each of them are,
to go through such big trials, yet still remain cheerful and happy everyday!
Its not what the world term as "putting on a strong front"
And we do not resort to teenagers' emo-ness too!

Its because we submit our situation to Him,
who willingly takes it, and turns it all around for our own good (:
Thank God that you've never let them remain defeated in the trials,
Instead you lift them up,
you fill them with revelations,
and you lead them to the fertile and fruitful path you have prepared for them!

At the end of the caregroup, we celebrated mindy's birthday!
Beloved Baybeh!
HAPPY AND BLESSED BIRTHDAY! :DDD
as Alena said, As we celebrate your birthday on earth,
Trumpets are sounding, and angels are dancing,
for Daddy God is celebrating your birth years ago!
He delights sooo much in you and loves you so deeply! (:

The whole session is annointed to the max, and I feel so different from the way I felt at the start of the day
CONDEMNED---->FREE! LIBERATED AND QUALIFIED FOR SUCCESS! :D
Thank God, thank you so much,
I cant imagine life without Your love,
as pastor says

Grace is the ever abundant supply
Love is giving you grace!
and Faith is receive (:

I will receive more more more!
(: You fill with so much joy, and that no PMS can take it away Amen! (:

I never said this, but i miss you guys so much ):

2010-06-07T23:52:00.000+08:00

June holidays are up,
but I just dont seem to have enough time to meet up with who i should meet up with..
Caught up with my history essays and revisions ):
I sometimes get paranoid if I am going out too much?
I gotta study man!!!!!
But besides studying.. I cant kick away the guilt I have towards these bunch of people..
Jiahuan,
Juliana,
munpheng,
weikuan
xingyi
and yuting

After going for Dearest JU-LI-A-NAAA's concert that friday,
I realised its been Jesus knows when since I saw Tan Jia Huan!
and wei kuan and munpheng!
oh my gosh ): I have been such a bad friend..
You know what!?
I actually missed out Jiahuan's birthday!
I feel so ashamed with myself ):
And I havent even spent a good time to celebrate munpheng's and Juliana..
I'm terrible.. really terrible..

I have been so caught up with my own busy schedule.. I hardly saw them since..
dont know when ):
Last year, I pangseh them for outings again and again,
For exams, for band, for other outings..
this year, I forgot their birthdays!?
Man.. I deserve a slap really ):

I really missed hanging out with you guys,
especially those times we had in riverside band :D
So fun! So crazy, haha!
This June, 22nd yeah?
Lets go out, and Lord bless me with time and a sincere heart :D
I really wanna make it up to you guys man..

Although I sometimes left you guys at the back of my mind,
you guys never forget me still ><
You guys stood by my side, and walked with me through my trials in life (:
I really miss you guys, really really really miss
mao mao chong family!
Wo zhen de hao xiang ni men...

I cant see!?

2010-06-03T21:35:00.000+08:00

Do you sleep with your lights on?
I dont :) everynight, before sleeping,
it always irritates me that I have to get out of bed, walk 7 steps, off the light,
and then walk 7 steps back to my comfy bed=.=

Last night, after getting really frustrated over my Indo Pakistan conflict essay,
I decided maybe I should sleep instead of figuring how to argue the development of the conflict!
I off the light, went back to my bed, and said my night prayers.

If you studied bio before in O lvl or now in A lvl,
you would know it takes time for the eye to get use to sudden darkness,
I forgot about all the theory I learnt in bio back in sec 4 already :P
Anyway, based on this theory,
you will take a few second before you recover your eyesight after you off the lights.
Yesterday after I off the lights,
I said my prayers,
I open my eyes, and I see darkness.
Complete darkness.
No matter how I squint my eyes or how I stretch open my eyes,
I cant make out my room's cupboard or the study table.

You guys probably find me lame =.= DUH! I off the lights
duh! I cant see at first =.= ding dong=.=
But its different yesterday,
I waited for 5 seconds, and then 10 seconds and then for a long long time
I cant see a single thing except darkness.
I waited and waited, I stretched out my hands,and explored the darkness that loomed before me.
Its a very perculiar feeling, so this is how blind people feel...

In the darkness, your senses become extra sensitive
you begin to hear better, and if you listen intently, you might hear your own heartbeat.
I lay on my left side, with my hand under my pillow,
and heard my own pulse in those pumping veins.
Just as I was getting abit afraid of the darkness, that stayed too long with me,
My phone rang,
the light coming out from the screen blinded me,
It shone straight in my eyes, and It sent enormous warmth and comfort to my heart.

After this I cant sleep, and decided to take out my bible,
And I see this verse, where Jesus repeats again and again to remind His disciple,
John 12 :46
"I have come into this world as a light, so that no one who believes me should stay in darkness."

After this I begin to get a revelation over this verse
It is not God's heart for us to be blinded by the world's desires
It is not His plan for us to be caught up with worries, or grieviances in the world.
He is your loving Father, what He wants for you is simple (:
Peace, Hope, Joy and Love.

Siying is 18 this year, and It will not be long before she has to enter the working world.
Mr bell says that once youngsters leave the education system, and enter the working world
they will be caught up in the "bad" value system within the society,
hedonism, greed, jealousy,etc.
That's darkness clouding people's spirit.
I dont want to enter into such profficiencies.
I want to work in the light industry (:

What's the light industry?
Ok look at the perfect example, pastor prince and pastor benjahmin
their sermons and their preaching, are words that bring people into the light of the world
Jesus!
thats the most direct form of light industry (:

I want to be in the light industry, and I know this is His calling in me
I want to be a prison counsellor.
I want to love people who goes through the worse tortures of the world-condemnations.
I want to love them like God loves me.
And not because i want to convert them
I am done with evangelistic ideas, I only want to do spirit led work and not self effort works.

My love for people around me arent as perfect as Jesus.
But I am still learning(:
I pray for wisdom and for a hearing heart.
That one day because of the overflowing love in my heart from Christ,
I can pour it onto people who never got the chance to encounter the cure to condemnations before (:

最遗憾的幸福

2010-06-02T22:02:00.001+08:00

yesterday watched 败犬女王, oh my gosh,
Cry untill my mama bei wo xia dao!
Haha actually i never really follow the episodes, only a few episodes,
but yesterday's episode really left a print in my mind.

Have you been through
最遗憾的幸福？
The words that you never said,
the things that you never did enough,
the hand that you never hold tight enough.
and then the chance you missed.

Time never waits, opportunity never come twice,
Stop searching high and low for what you dont have,
what you need is right infront of you!
Treasure them (:
You dont need a big disaster, or something big to happen,
before you learn how to appreciate or to treasure!
最简单的幸福就是他的陪伴，不是吗？

Dont fall into the traps of losing the happiness that could have been yours!

On the last day of my favorite month(:

2010-05-31T14:40:00.000+08:00

31stmay,
Today is the last day of my favorite month ><
May is my favorite month (:
because number 5 is the number of grace(:

The past month has been awesome!
I've attended SO MANY concerts, that Im rather tired of them now -.-
ACJC band,
AJC choir,
YJC, performing arts
AJCO,
AJC guitar ensemble
CJC band,
and finally NYJC band (: ( to watch my darling JU-LI-A-NAAA!)
There is a upcoming "compulsory concert" that all band members must attend..
ACJC annual concert (again) at a price of 20 dollars!?
erm... not very willing heart here....

besides just alot alot of concerts,
May is the month i passed my napfa on the first time!
I never did pass my napfa before because of my super duper lousy standing broadjump -.-
Last year i finally passed napfa at the zillion time retesting in jumping!
but it was just a just nice pass.
This year,I took a step of faith, and attempted standing broadjump in my first station
I prayed and placed my hope on Him.
AND THEN I JUMPEEEED!
normally i can only reach 140 plus
guess what?
I JUMPED 168 that day!
Praise God to the max! :DDDDDD
thank You daddy (:
You love me soooo much!
not only because You allowed me to pass my napfa
but also because You never leave me, through times of trials or peaceful times (:

I really want to thank Daddy God for the month of may (:
Its really a transition month for me,
a month that I find freedom from the past
Haha, thats me going through grace and superabouding favors in my life!

Thank You Jesus, that because of Your sacrifice,
I now enjoy a life completely set free from condemnation and worldy sadness.
Thank You Jesus, that everytime i turn my eyes upon the wooden cross,
I am reminded of reasons to be happy in my everyday life,
and I see no point in sadness and worrying at all!
You've become the supply in my everyday life!
Such that I do not have to look at the demands in life and get freaked out
but instead I look to you and your overflowing supply!
Its amazing how each time i face trials, even the smallest ones,
Once i bring You into the picture,
everything works out for my good because of You (:

thanks!
I enjoy my everyday life with Your presence in my life!
may I will miss you!
see you again next year :D

X- country 2010!

2010-05-28T13:29:00.001+08:00

haha, even though I look rather funny and retarded in this photo, i still place this EXTRA LARGE, AND CENTRED!
i love my class :D

Yesterday was totally fun man!
My day started off real good, when my class leader passed me two letters from interact!
super touched T_T
It totally made my day!
HAHA, I really love getting letters and cards, did i tell you that before?
feel super loved!

After that we went on for X country!
Brinda had to go back to malaysia for Vesak day,
Suhail and Zak are emcees for the day, so they could not join us for the run or class lunch ):
Aijia was running in competitive sector, so she could not join us for the run too.
Khai was sick, and Kelly was still on mc because
SO! that leaves us to Chun hong, Weu zhong, Chrislyn, Yichun, Becky and me! :D
Ah, well even though our numbers are small, i really did enjoy the whole run and the journey there (:

I really love my class (:
even though there are instances when the muggerness of the class really freaks me out,
but I love the interaction in our class (:
Recently our class has been moving away from religious talks,
Thank God for that (:
I think we've come to consensus, that religious debates are really no point ><
No matter how you debate, you cant come to a conclusion, you cant prove the truth.
all you can compete upon, is who has better debating skills ..
Which is totally, no point...
Ah well, I respect all faiths!
:D and I'm sure that i will stay rooted in mine, and enjoy Daddy's love forever! :D

3809, recently has been hit by a huge and powerful wave by the name of
Love, or infactuation, or eye candy-nism(ok bad english :P)
I will like to dedicate one song to everyone of them affected by the wave :)

Have some courage! :D
even though i cant say the same thing for myself,
but guys have some courage, you'll never know how wonderful that feeling can be till you've given it a try :)
stop holding back! 勇敢！
haha!
:D
I'll be so glad, when you guys can secure the one your heart truly calls out for,
and love them with every inch of your heart :)
Its a really beautiful thing! :)

Thats all! :D
thanks 3809 for a wonderful time each day,
yesterday could have been a very bad day at pasir ris park,
had you guys not been there, I might have sunk into bad memories,
So dont underestimate the power you guys have in my heart! :D
<3!

如烟

2010-05-22T22:19:00.000+08:00

I really like this song and its MV.
it leaves me alot to think about after watching it.
A man's life story.
Its not a bad story ain't it?
haha songs are alot better, when they have a rich and full story to tell.

haha, maybe my life story is still at its first few chapters,
yet each pages of these chapters have been soaked with tears of joy and grief,
also sounds of laughter rings in each page too.
Sometimes i imagine ten or twenty years down the road,
how much things would change for me?
and which are the things that remains constant in my life?

I'm really small a character in my life,
I dont control much of the things happening around me.
i cant avoid rapid changes taking place, and yet i cant change certain old habits myself.
I cant see whats up ahead, I dont know what to anticipate,
all i know is, my author, is my Father,
who sets his pen down to write me a story of victory and honor.
He has a plan for me,
that is for me to be happy,and for my life to shine with His honor (:

Yet often i deviate away from His plan,
I stray away, i fall down, and i go crying back to Him.
He never never gets angry with me for not listening to Him,
He just silently, accept me yet again back in His embrace.
That's love at its best, love for someone as undeserving as me.

My chapters as a band member came to an end,
next stop, A levels.
JC life sure is short, and not at all sweet.
they past by so fast, sometimes i forget to catch my breathe..
and yet parallel experience goes through in this two years, but different emotions.
I think ive grown (:
and maybe I'm learning to control my emotions much better now..
maybe not -.-

I'm learning and growing all along the way,
learning to adapt and to work with people from different backgrounds,
Sometimes i am afraid of losing myself while i learn to adapt to changes over and over again,
but at least I have something to fall back on when I'm lost
Jesus.
He's my light and my directions (:
Thank God that I am safe and sound when He provides the security in my life (;

haha..what a random post..
oh ya, spammers please leave my blog 10 more spammers
and i remove my tagboard -.-
ha! OK BYE PEOPLE.

study!

2010-05-18T21:51:00.000+08:00

I need to get back on track, get back to my books
Life is great recently :D Love the weather, love my classmates, loving life!
But lets not get to diverted yea?
I shall start resisting facebook and blogger >< and all the online movies!
BOOKS! here i come :D

I am in the world but not of the world, let's pray that even while studying,
I may enjoy the process, and find it effortlessly fruitful! :D

谢谢你的美好

2010-05-16T19:34:00.003+08:00

谢谢你的美好，我真的不会忘掉
虽然那滋味，慢慢地，慢慢地淡掉。

Sometimes memories hit people in waves.
and when it does, you get new realisations each time.
you wonder, is this feeling that you realise now real and true,
or was the person back then feeling the "right" stuff.

I wont be abstract in this post.
I know this is rather personal for me to write here.
but tomorrow is 17th of may.

I know i should probably have forgotten about this date.
I am almost 100% succesful in forgetting all about every 23rd or 17th of each month.
But since you left me, ive been thinking about 17th may.

7 months ago i lost you.
you told me
"I guess i still love you, but i love being single more, it gives me more freedom."
i feel suffocated by you,why do we need to always message each other?
why cant we not meet for a few days?
I asked you what about those days where you would go all that extra miles to meet me?
you said"Im sorry, I'm not willing to do it for you anymore."
"Don't let me be your whole world, someday your prince charming will come your way, and I am not him."

Because i believe you'll be happier this way,
I promised to let you go.
17th of may 2009, was one of the happiest day of my life.
I thought i saw eternity,
but just 5 months later, you threw my hands away,
you left me there, face down, defeated with grief.

this is NOT a post to accuse you.
But its just eveybody face decisions in life,its the choice we make that builds up our life.
this is what you've chosen, I dont despise it.
you left me for her, and I believe its God's will.

我把祝福全都写在纸上了，
把它折成纸飞机，让它借着风的力量在空中翱翔。
可是我没勇气看它自由翱翔，我只希望，祈祷，纸飞机永远都能幸福美满。

Memories when they come back to me after all these times,
Its so much less bitter already.
in fact i sometimes only remember how you've been really good to me.
even when i remember how you chose to left me,
Ive understood how to
let go,let God.

Thank you for being wonderful in one way or another during the five months.
thank you for the times when you had been there before,
but these feelings will slowly fade away.
Maybe we're meant to be friends?
that day will come i believe, when we're mature enough to be hard core friends (:

5 months of memories, an eternity to forget, but i know i have eternity in my hands.
I cant completely kill my feelings for you yet,
but 7 months, my heart is still healing.

I found space, space enough for another person already.
wont you make a paper aeroplane for me too?

I can fly.

2010-05-11T23:44:00.000+08:00

I can fly, i truly can fly.

Dont tie me up with that invisible strong thread.
Dont let me sink in your careless actions.
Dont entice me with imaginations.
Dont block my light and kill my ego.

If you love me,
believe in me,
dont doubt my developing wings,
because one day you'll see me fly.

I wont turn back, I wont cry,
that day I'll be smiling, that one day, for you, I'll smile.
remember me like that,
I am free, and happy in the sky,
even though, you're not the one by my side.

Your spirit sets us free (:

2010-05-08T12:00:00.001+08:00

Recently there are some things that keeps bugging me.
And i really thank God for awesome caregroup mates
who I can talk to and ease my heart at the same time (:

Sometimes i do stupid things, like erm.. not going for school
or being extremely late for band practises..
then i remember, pastor said before Jesus is a compassionate man, at the same time He is ruddy and tough.
I sometimes wonder, after doing wrong things over AND over again,
would Jesus feel disappointed and angry at me?
would He think
"Siying oh siying, when would you ever learn to finally be good?? Havent you learnt anything since you accepted me?"

This troubles me alot, and before i knew it,
I sink into the vulgar word in God's dictionary- condemnation.
So on thursday, i went out to study with dearest cg (:
on the way home i was talking to xuan yi about this and his reply really gave me a great revelation
I must share man!

He told me surely, hey Jesus is a compassionate God and no He does not judge me(:
Why? Because when He died 2000 years ago,
He already knew ALL the sins i would ever commit,
and He had willingly been punised and persecuted for all my sins.

But still there are still something God wants us to avoid doing
Do you know why ?
Its not because its His law given to us.
But rather its because He knows, it would hurt us if we did what he does not want us to do.
Thats why He sent Jesus down for us,
not to follow His example, but to follow the road he prepared for us.
do you see the difference?
Here is an analogy for you.

You're in a forest with Jesus, and you're surrounded with tall grasses and trees,
Jesus does not need you to stand beside Him
and follow His example to cut the tress and grasses with Him in order to open up a path for yourself.
Instead all youve got to do,
is to stand behind Him, let Him open up a path for you,
you dont have to labour, because you have a wonderful God that loves you so much,
He has prepared a path up for you (:

In the same way, when you're drowning in the deep blue sea,
you dont need Jesus to be there to teach you how to swim at that moment!
but rather, you need Him to jump in straight and save you!
Thats my savious (:
Who is always immediately there for me, and even while i do stupid things,
He does not as much point and condemn me,
He embraces me even more with His loving heart (:

That really sets me free (:

During caregroup yesterday
(side note: Hurray! i can finally go for caregroup! :D)
We were meditating on this verse
2corintians 3:16 -18
16 Nevertheless when one turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.
17 Now the Lord is the Spirit; and where the Spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty.
18 But we all, with unveiled face, beholding as in a mirror the glory of the Lord, are being transformed into the same image from glory to glory, just as by the Spirit of the Lord.

Look at verse 18
what does it mean to behold in a mirror the glory of the lord.
I received the revelation yesterday, that beholding Jesus's glory,
which can mean partaking the holy communion, praying and worshipping etc.
I behold His work and its glory and magnificence (:
And the anology of the mirror here, meant something awesome.

Because Jesus has taken our place as a sinner at the cross,
we now walk in His glory!
so when you dont know yourself well,
read the bible! Get to know Jesus,
wow He is so loving and powerful, and you know what?
That is you too! Because as He is, so are you (:

What awesome revelation you gave me daddy (:
Thank You so much!
Let me always confess Your words forward.
Thank You, for your unwavering love and attention in my life !
Devil you better stay away! I am so strong with His glory now! :D

I will miss you.

2010-05-05T12:40:00.000+08:00

I will miss you, I will miss you band (:
Its been so long, and at the end of it, you still fill me with joy,
I will miss all of it.

This last two years of band in AJCSB, made me grow alot
really it made me grow so much,
Ive never ever worked so hard for band before,
not even in riverside,
you've pushed me so far, to the limit i can ever contribute,
you know i grumble alot? And sometimes i get so sick of all the shouting and disciplines.
But yet I am really proud of you guys,
One after another one after another period of hardship but we always emerge victorious.
SYF, and then Presentation Night, and then tune in, and then Hobart yamaha competition,
finally, Limelight.

I know there are screw ups here and there,
but you know what, even screw ups are part and parcel of the wholeconcert (:
Ive enjoyed it so much that I cannot sleep at all last night.
The whole experience, was just awesome.
Awesome beyond anything here can describe.

Remember last year?
after the seniors left, and the band was given a very very long period of rest for promos.
After promos, one after another people left the band,
the whole band came back to band with morale at its new low.
How every practise we were screamed again and again?
The day that things changed,
we sat down in a large circle,
we talked our heart out,
Band dinner one after another, slowly our morale came back (:
I start to find band practise more bearable,
I slowly take my eyes off the past, and focus on my main motivation in band.

Its been almost half a year since that day (:
And all these 6 months, We still get scoldings, but we've been through miracles yet again.
Would the audience have known behind the scenes, how hard each of us have worked?
I still wanna take this chance to thank this person in band

Jonathan Foo Biao Chun.
hey student conductor, although you can be really mean sometimes.
but you have really given so much so much to this band
the gimmicks the plans you made for the band,
the practises you took us through,
the long msgs you sent us.
Thanks so much, the band would not have been where we are if not because of you.

Thank you jon (: I know I wont say this in your face,
but you've been such a blessing to the band

And thank you Father (:
Youve blessed my journey so much so much,
I wont ever forget this learning journey,
I will bring it to my beloved riverside symphonic band,
And thank You for loving the band so much,
that You show Your smiling face each and every time we face trials (:

Bye band bye,
bye band bye ..

Rubbish rants

2010-05-02T11:17:00.001+08:00

I think its been awhile since i rant over here.
And hor, though its abit late, haha
my blog's birthday had just past over a month.
ok, almost 2 months already (:
march 10th 2007 was my first post,
how time really flies yea?
Its been 3 years already!!!!!!!!!
Haha, if you ask me how have i changed over the three years, i would say the most significant change is ...
I've grown prettier! (and dont you deny it :P)

Another late event is, on 1st april, was my dear wacky's anniversary.
5th year.
Wacky over the years i have grown out of your shadows,
but no, i have not forgottten you (:
You'll always always have that very special place in my heart,
its fixed and reserved specially for you, one day i go to heaven,
I'll be able to see you again (:

So that all aside!
what's been going through my life?
Band and nothing else -.-
haha, band recently is so hiong!
but its alright la, for the concert, I am willing (:
I really cant wait you know!
Its gonna be a night of miracles manzxzxzxz!

Oh and i went for a few concert these few weeks,
ACJC-Muse a night to remember
YJC- Will-o-the-Wisp
AJchoir-VoyAJe ( BRAVO)
The spamming of concerts made me had a nightmare on my own concert
-.-
I dreamt I overslept on concert night, and
MISSED ALL THE SONG BEFORE INTERMISSION.
and so, my lovely lovely junior played my solo!?
ohmygosh -.-
and when i finally reached, I did not bring my concert attire!?
had to wrap a towel around myself O.0
Ohmygosh thats the most realistic and scary dream
EVER!

HAHA,
that all aside, here's a peice of good news (:
836 of the tickets are sold out
plus mr alvin's side of around 200 plus
that leaves us around 400 more tics to sell!
Actually not bad already (:
very very happy (:

BUT i would still like to take this oppurtunity to call out to fellow friends
beloved friends
do contact me if you want more tics yea?
Im going to go down to sistic on monday to get more tics :D

ONE LAST THING TO RANT!
People, ive recently developed an infactuation !?
And i gotta deal with it!
AHHHH i am a softie for cute smiles><
so dont smile at me anymore T_T
ARGH! DEAL WITH IT SIYING,
DEALWITH IT!

Thats it!
bye bye :D

The giving tree.

2010-04-22T17:23:00.002+08:00

Miss Giri shared this during civics today
The giving tree.

I admire the tree- she never complained, she was always giving,
and she felt happy even though she was losing herself for the one she loved.
even though the one she loves does not understand the value of her sacrifice.
She was just happy,that he was happy.
How simple and great that love is.

I envy the tree- she was able to even give something in exchange of his happiness,
at least there was something that can bring him happiness,
at least she found value in her own sacrifice.

Giving can be painful, but she saw joy in it more than pain.

Do you have a giving tree in your life?
Have you let them down?
Have you seen their disappointment? Have you seen them struggle to deal with what you have done to them?

Would you ever be able to be another person's giving tree?
Or would you rather be that little boy?

Hard Goodbye.

2010-04-06T11:23:00.004+08:00

如果我不曾走过这一遍
生命中还有多少苦和甜美
那风中的歌声孤单哽咽的声音是谁
回忆中那个少年为何依然不停的追
想要征服的世界始终都没有改变
那地上无声蒸发我的泪
黑暗中期待光线生命有一种绝对
等待我请等待我
直到约定融化成笑颜
那生命灿烂烟火般上演
你和我最后都要回归地平线

I am always bad with goodbyes.
Even though that was beautiful back in hobart, i still cannot find the right words to you.
Bye band, bye.
But you're one constant in my life.
You gave me a identity, I'm a band member (:
Im a band member who loves band alot, who loves the music that our band speaks to people.
Thank you for giving me this identity,
I'll hold it so close to my heart.

This trip to hobart, is so filled with special memories (:
The time we stood in the middle of melbourne airport
and sang our harmony chord at the top of our lungs
haha, till someone came to scold us :X
Or the late night practises in the hostel lounge!
thanks hostel keepers for being so kind to us.
And that night we partied along the bar after the results were release
misato was awesome! ( I'll miss you so much in the band ): )
And the night when LWW and perc and dearest C gathered for some "friendly talk"
HAHAHA!
And the visiting of beautiful sceneries like the devil's kitchen,
port arthur,
kangaroo feeding
This trip is awesome inside out,
even the late night bathing in HOT and COLD water was awesome (:

I ever read my old posts in this blog,
and I wrote this down back in sec 3.

Our music is the international language.
without lyrics that caters to a paticular race.
The only way for your part of communication, is to feel, is to hear the story underneath that music.

How i forgot this till recently.
Mr alvin reminded the band about feelings.

Romantic interlude in Inn of sixth happiness.
That sombre bitter longing for love.
I do feel it.
I do feel it, and i do wish to tell the audience through my music.
How i wish i can tell the whole world even.
What our music is telling.
How i wish...

And i want to come to the part that matters most in this last bit of my journey.
Thank you lord.
Your presence made so sound on that concert hall
with everyone of us.
How you hold our music and blew life into it.
I enjoyed myself in the music so much.
You've covered us with your love and grace.
I felt it so strong, i teared in Amazing grace.

Why did i tear so much when we won the competition?
Not so much about the winning.
But rather your love, has made the impossible possible.
Thank you lord.

And then i thought about the goodbye that has to come.
I had a surprise.
This goodbye hurts, this goodbye hurts so much,
so much so i realised that siying back in RSSB has not died yet.
She had been here in AJCSB.
Actually, I do love AJCSB.
Even while keeping my bass clarinet for that time,
i felt a serious connection with it,
I am serious when I'm going to type whatever comes after this line.

I am going to miss band so much after AJCSB,
I am going to miss my bass clarinet.

如果我不曾走过这一遍
生命中还有多少苦和甜美
Band made my boring life full of colors.
You made me go through emotions, that all pieced up beautifully.
So beautifully in the life of siying.

回忆中那个少年为何依然不停的追
想要征服的世界始终都没有改变
Siying has not died yet,
what a relief to know.
(: that band spirit does still live in me, in my heart, close and warm there.

等待我请等待我
直到约定融化成笑颜
那生命灿烂烟火般上演
你和我最后都要回归地平线
I cant wait to tell you a whole series of stories in our band pieces.
Give me a chance to fulfill one last part of band life,
at the concert hall of esplanade.
till the sparks come along in that hall,
till I stand up in pride for my last journey in band life.
Then do you stop me and let me let go of band life.
Then do I finally kiss you goodbye.
Then do I finally bury you in my heart.
but.

Band is the reality in my life,
We'll probably never say Goodbye

等待我　请等待我　靠近我　再拥抱我

不要走　请不要走　直到约定融化成笑颜
直到我看见生命的绝对

A journey to be remembered.

2010-03-21T15:54:00.003+08:00

In exactly ten days time. I'm leaving for Hobart competition.
In exactly 13 days time, I'll be in the last band competition of my life.

This journey, lasted for six years.
I am calling an end there at hobart.
The concert to come wont be as good as this competition.
We have worked so very hard just for this competition,
and I am sure, the Lord is with us all the while, helping, guiding and lifting us up (:

(2005)
Six years ago, I just entered riverside.
I told myself i can join any CCA but definately not band
haha, i did that just to anger my piano teacher which i dislike very much :X
So i joined dance at first, with huiyi.
and regretted -.-
I cant dance for goodness sake! embarrass myself to the max T-T
In the end, after an extremely embarrassing occasion, i quit dance.
My classmates back then dragged me to band.
I remember my fascination when i first saw all the different instrument.
I was brought to Mr neo back then by xiaoqi.
He smiled at me and appointed xinzhi to help me
First time i saw clarinet, black beauty of the band (:

Over the course of the subsequent three months i spent learning clarinet.
haha, at first all i could do was squeak -.-
took me so long to finally be able to play all the notes
one day, i finally joined the band for rehearsal (:
first song i played, Centuria.
I cannot play as well as the rest of the secondary one.
But the first time i was in the band, playing with them, enjoying the music
I really loved the feeling.
Its magical. Really magical.
That moment i got that tinge of hope in music.

Band is different from piano as i learnt .
Pianist are soloist, the musician within a piano song are just the left and right hands.
Beautiful as the music is, it is a lonesome one.
The glory of it on the merit of one sole player.
But in a band, you learn what it meant to complement each other.
On one own's score the music does not make sense,
but when pieced up together, OUR music become a beautiful painting a really beautiful one (:
The music does not become mine and only mine.
Its ours (:

Slowly with the help of all my lovely seniors, i grew as a clarinetist.
I use to tremble when Mr Neo asked us to play our rythm one by one.
But with the encouragement from the seniors, I learnt to be confident with my notes
I played, I put my heart into it.
He beamed at my improvement (:
I glowed with pride under the praise and became complacent
slowly i forget to work hard, slowly i deproved
I disappointed my seniors.
I became lousy and demoralised.
I began to skip band.
I took band for granted.
Yet my seniors never gave up on me.
They looked for me when i skip band
they taught me with patience,
they helped me where i could not help myself with.

I will always remember the first band piece i played,
Centuria

(2006)
First national band competition in secondary two.
Acclamations

How tough that period was.
The secondary ones just entered the band, inexperienced players.
they were made to enter the competition before they had managed to grasp the basics.
Those long hours of stressful practise did not let us down (:
that day on victoria concert hall,
everything folded up nicely.
Mr Neo came out of the concert hall and beamed at us.
He told us well done, he told us he is proud of us.
Thats the only one time, i ever see a conductor so full of hope for us.
I remember when the results was announced.
The first taste of success for Riverside band.
We got a gold.
WE got a gold.
How marvelous that jubilation.
I cannot contain myself, running through the corridors of causeway point.
after I heard the results from a phonecall from the leaders
All we wanted is a silver, and we got a gold (:

Mr neo was the first conductor in my band life
He is one conductor who really place the band before himself
a true servant leader.
Conductors normally come in the band only for combined practise
but Mr Neo is always early for the band, even on sectionals day, he is there for us
Always looking out for good instruments and pieces to help the band.
He believed so much in riverside band, even though we often let him down.

(2007)
secondary three came the Singapore youth festival (:
We worked long hours after hours on the peice he prepared for us
Green hills fantasy

I really loved that song! haha because its one piece that has alot of clarinet melody (:
but through the scoldings and then encouragement
In the end it is decided that our band cannot make it for this song ):

Things started to went from bad to worse for the band.
Losing morales, one after another people left band.
I remember at that point the despair within the band
At times of needs, how could this people just leave us behind?
I remember those times day after day i went after the people trying to get them back
yet none stay): none.
First sound check in Singapore Concert Hall.
everything that can possibly go wrong went wrong.
What weve rehearsed never came out.
I came out feeling so sorry towards mr Neo that i dare not look him
Guess what? he came out not to scold us.
He came out told us we've got work to do, lets all work hard together.

Yet after the soundcheck something dramatic happened.
Mr neo's contract with riverside was terminated.
On came Mr er.
who drived the band hard.
extra practises, combined band camps sectionals after sectionals.
But he is not our conductor.
He never integrated with the band, he never call us as his band
he never encouraged, each time he came
you never miss his whinings about how lousy we are.
how we're going to be the only COP band in his list.
But he still drove us to greater heights.
I am grateful for his teachings.
Though miss chen isnt.

Remember the first time we went for test drive of SYF?
all the big and strong bands came along.
We're the lousiest. Really.
morale down, Mr ER came out being ashamed of us.
that day we came back, Miss chen told us
"Bands like TKGS are already polishing the top of their table,
while we are still forming the table"

So sad, so demoralised, yet we never gave up on each other
the most amazing thing about Riverside band is that we grow under discrimination
we strive we work hard, we encourage one another.
we extend our hands beyond sections, we really loved the band with our heart.
Even though the tuba's only senior left them,
tubas still have the lower woodwinds!
All those times of combined sectionals with tubas, all those while
paid off (:

"Riverside symphonic band.
We all sit side by side, i was holding on to munpheng's hand tightly
"SILVER!"
cheers uproar!
how things took a change that year, all the big and strong bands got silver
they may cry over a silver, but we rejoice, we sing with joy.
thats our pride.
that song is our story.
to challenge the skies heavens and above.
that lower woodwinds soli is my forever theme song.
I will never forget riverside band as it is.
I take pride as a riverside band member (:

After mr er left the band, on came mr tan aka KK ( King kong!)
haha (:
He changed the band.
changed it to become a even wonderful band as it is.
Nobody ever thought riverside band can play anything more difficult than james swearingen songs
But he denied that proclaimations.
He threw us songs like merry widow, pirates of the carribean, mononoke
We laughed at him but he told us we can

I was really touched by his faith in us.
He took us through our first band camp, our first band concert.
That year of band camp,
so many previous batches of seniors came back to visit us
our band room could not even contain them!
how warm that feeling, to find a second home in the band room.
To look around you, and see family members in the band room (:
that night was unforgettable.
The music the fun we had.

even though we performed merely in a school hall, and admission was free
our efforts are not free,
the music made are not cheap.
they are valuable beyond measure (:

Finally in the last year 2008
First band competition overseas
BEIJING!
on the first day we went for band exchange at a local school
with CHIJ (toapayoh) where i met dearest CLARISSA!
and a local band there
together we went through the same master class
together we were traumatised by the strength of the band before us.
IJTP'S band is so responsive and joyful ( though their way of moving around is funny :P)
but ours seemed so dead -.-

But mr tan as always never gave up on us.
He is disappointed but he never gave up.
never shout at us, but instead continue working with us.
On the stage, we gave it all, all for the band.
It was my last time playing with my beloved bass clarinet.
I wanted to make the best out of it.

By the end of the competition.
everyone left the concert hall happy except our band.
We sat behind, each face depressed.
Juliana lim was on the verge of tears!
We knew it was not done well..
but the news of yet another bronze will just kill our morale ):
EMO TALKS.. emo after emo..
and guess what, its a silver (:
relieved, we were so relived.
Its not the best award, i belive because the judges see we have the potential to walk a longer road
the next one will be better, the next one will be better (:

In RSSB, i am the only senior in the 2005 batch that does not have a post.
I remember the disappointment when the results for commitee members were announced.
I remember how i felt i qualified better than so many more people
and then jiahuan told me something that woke me up from the angst.
You're in RSSB not for the exco position
but because you love RSSB (:
i truly do.

riverside symphonic winds/band
You're the core to my love for band.
I've been lifted up high, dropped, and picked up again in riverside.
I've never been lonely in the band because you all are my family.
I never felt less happy anywhere else.
LIFE. i found life there in the band room of riverside (:
Ive found friends i will keep for life
JULIANA LIM
TAN JIA HUAN
ONG XINGYI
KOH WEIGUAN
CHEN XIAO QI
MUNPHENG
you are the reason i joined band in JC.
i enjoyed band too much with all of you (:
Thankyou riverside band.
thank you so much

Last year, in ajcsb.
it was one whole eventful year again.
the first soundcheck, familiarity of riverside came back
we trembled on stage, we were criticised.
but we worked even harder.
All we wanted was a gold.
But we came so far to reach Gold with Honors.

In AJ band, i've been polished over and over again.
I dare say, my playings improved with the help of tutors and sectionmates and mr alvin
But i dont enjoy the band as much as i do in riverside.

In AJ band, i found my first relationship, and there i lost mine too.
in the subsequent months, my band experience was tainted by my relationship problems.
I lost that drive in me.
I lost a reason for band.

But. Last year's rhapsody night concert.
I fell down at the truth rssb handed back to me.
"You're in band because you love band"
thats a more than enough reason to be in band, thats a more than enough reason to work my ass off (:

I remember around a month ago.
Mr alvin shouted his lungs off at us on a wednesday.
and after that we stayed back for one long emo talk together.
I remember seeing junyao and brian talk to the band
that light in their eyes.
they almost cried while voicing out,
"We're all in this together"
then i had a self realisation.
That used to be me.
In RSSB, i was the one willing to voice out to pull the band to encourage the band
i was the one telling people not to give up.
I used to do that.

But look at me now.
Jaded.
I lost that me.
and i felt ashamed of myself, i come to band and complain about the too long practices.
i complain about the lack of time for rest.
I complain non stop.
How different I used to be in RSSB.

I saw my crazy juniors like PECKYONG and LAH jiamin
how joyous they are, crazy bunch
I used to be like that after band last time
Singing and jumping around after band practises.
Crazying around with jiahuan

I've been polished too much
Jaded about band now.
This much i have lost myself in AJ band.
Yet i will not give up this last part of the journey.

I gave my all in the competition.
extra practises everyday, one after another.
I really never worked harder in my life.

Yesterday at the end of the test run through.
Mr alvin said something that triggered something inside

"I dont want techniques in the pieces,
the music is already inside you, it should come naturally.
Thats why cats and dogs dont play band music, but humans do.
Its inside us the feelings, use it."

This journey is long really long.
I will end it with a glorious note.
By God's will, i will (:

another random post

2010-03-15T11:30:00.002+08:00

I cried watching this.

disappointment

2010-03-14T21:51:00.065+08:00

Recently i've been going through and hearing alot of accounts on the worst feeling in the world.
so allow me to take this post and talk about what the Lord has shared with me about this issue :)
disappointment.

why is it the worst feeling?
Because, disappointment comes from the removal of elements of joy--hope
It meant hope forgone, tarnished, disappeared.
the hope in people you loved and trust, the hope for a situation, the hope in yourself.
the lost of hope brings disappointment,
but everybody goes through it, and many a times, it leaves huge, unforgettable stains in our life.

How do different people cope with disappointment?
Some people find friends and rant and complain to them.(myself included)
Some people try to run away from the fact,
busying themselves with distraction, and losing rest for the soul.
Some just tell themselves, I'll let time erase this feeling away.
but how much time is enough?
Some simply give in to disappointment, and sink themselves in depression.
How horrible is this feeling? how much people suffer because of disappointment :(.

So what can save us from disappointment?
The same thing that caused disappointment - hope.
Hope restored will defeat disappointment.
And who gives us hope?
Jesus.

I know this might be rather frustrating for the unbelievers,
that everything i tell you relates to God,
I've asked God about this, what about people who are still lost?
How can they help themselves?
I know they most proably will indulge in one of those solutions mentioned above,
but God told me thats not how He wants us to face disappointment.
while we are going through these horrible moments in life,
feeling lost and helpless,
can you hear a desperate voice in the darkness,
calling out to you
"LET ME HELP YOU! I want to see you smile again!"
I cannot find a better solution for you,
Jesus is the perfect, the most powerful, loving solution.
He is the one God sent in the world, to help to save and to restore.

Its not that Christian do not go through disappointment,
we do, and alot more than you can imagine.
some even resort to blaming God for their disappointment.
they often ask, "Why is this happening to me?"
but i read this somewhere, what we should not be asking "why?"
but rather, "What now Daddy?"
what do you need me to do, what should I do next?

There is something powerful when you place God into the picture,
put Him as the solution to your disappointment.
He gives you hope, and these hopes are not flimsy hope, on the verge of bringing along another disappointment.
but instead these are hopes that is definate, that is eternal.
God says hopes placed on Him for healing is a definate YES!
You'll DEFINATELY be healed!

sometimes, you went through a broken relationship, or your hopes for a patner was tarnished.
You placed your hopes for it to be mended, for the person to come back
but these hopes are not fulfilled :(
these does not mean God is not working for you.
my friend, it is just a wrong hope ><
what do i mean by wrong hope?
see this,
God wants us to establish Godly relationship, where we reflect His goodness in every r/s we establish.
If the person is not the perfect one God prepared for you, he/she will NEVER come back!
put your hope in God that
whatever happened,
He is at work, and you'll always end up happy!
so dont worry! the perfect partner will DEFINATELY be there in the future :)
for God has said in genesis, it is not good for man to be alone!
He has made us perfect for someone, and another perfect for us :)

there maybe millions of trials in life that comes our way,
take heart that God placed them there, NOT TO DESTROY US,
but to build us up :)
build our faith, as we let Him be the solution,
build our character, as we learn to adapt, learn to resolve.
build our relationship with Him :)
as He got more involved in our life, because we relate to Him for comfort and peace :)

I love Him so much :)
thank You for sharing this goodnews to me Daddy!
I hope by sharing it to you, it will help you too! :D

ONE MORE THING!
let me repeat this in case you dont know
I CHANGED MY NUMBER!
do ask me for it personally, or check out my fb :)
tata! BYE BYE!

Beautiful verse

2010-03-07T11:37:00.002+08:00

1 corinthians,chapter 13

1 If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love,
   I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal.
2 If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge,
and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing.
3If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames,
but have not love, I gain nothing.

4Love is patient, love is kind.
It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.
6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects, always trusts, always hope,always perseveres.

8 Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease
; where there are tongues, they will be stilled
; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
9 For we know in part and we prophesy in part,
10but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears.
11When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.
    When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.
12Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face.
    Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.

Did you read every word of that phrase?
If not read it again, especially the words in italics.
Read it again, feel the richness and beauty in those words :)
Do you feel it? Thats the power of God's word,
It all came from one word.
LOVE.

When God created the world, He started off with love.
He formed the earth first,
made it perfect with light, water and earth. before he created man.
He loved man so much he made sure the earth was perfect before man step forth on earth.
He gave man instructions to bless him, He made man a companion so that he wont be lonely
He warned man against danger to protect him
even when man failed him,
even when man rejected him.
My lord, still loved him so much,
He sent His ONLY SON, to die for man just to bring them back home into safety and hope

Thats my God :)

I felt God talking to me about this yesterday during service.
That all His words in the bible, only came down to one message
that is,
He really really loves us :)
Thats why when Jesus came and fulfilled the ten commandments for us,
His one sole commandment for us is to love.
Love our neighbours and our enemies as well.
For God is perfect in His love, he showers them all on the righteous and the unrighteous.
Thus we should follow His example amen? :)

Sometimes behind smiling face can hide broken hearts,
nobody may know, but the Lord knows.
He sees into our heart and He earns to heal .
He does not judge us, but He delights in sharing our burden and delivering us away from it.

Do you know, a Christian life is not one that is perfect, with no disasters and challenges.
Look at King david in the bible.
Half of his life, he spent escaping from saul's army and saul's plots to kill him.
That sure ain't an easy life ):
But what made the difference in david's life?

He showed us.
A Christian life is one that submits ALL areas of trial to God,
and allowing Him to bless us, turn things around for us!
that is the way- to glorify Him in all our circumstances :)

Do you know why God is willing to give his only son
in exchange for all our sins and shame?
Do you know why God wants us to live the christian life and to submit all our fear and shame to Him?
Do you know why God took us even when we had nothing to offer in return for His sacrifice?

one word,
Love

one more thing
i changed my number so do ask me personally about my new number :)

Emotional post on a public blog

2010-02-24T21:24:00.001+08:00

Pardon this emotional post.
OK maybe not very emotional, but still just pardon me.
Because tuesday is a very emotional day,
for which i could not have made it through without daddy God

SO! let me just share with you one part of the emotions that ran through at the last part of my day
during band practise.
Because we listened to the recording of ajcsb's life changing moment in history
That recording relived something dead in me.
I almost wanted to cry.
Because while i was listening to the beautiful music.
This is what i see.

I see, people in the band last year that had contributed their all for that magical moment.
but when I look around in the band room, the absence of some of these people looms.

I hear heart and voice's lowerwood winds soli,
and i thought of Carol, Pinru, Nigel, and i miss them so much ):
I hear the flutes harmonious entrance in overture one,
and I missed serene cai all over again ):
I hear the proffesional 5 clarinetis in overture, playing in extremely great intonation and balance.
and I am reminded of brotherly tecksoon,
not so nice whatshisname?
and shaoning and his GREAT jokes :)
I hear the chimes and clash and hihat coming in,
and I miss the times when passion do drive people futher, even amidst dissapointment.
I hear the toms( spelling??)
and I miss misato in the band, her unique character and her infectious laughter :(
I hear the trombones trying their best in the song
and i miss "princess" of the band :) xinyi
I hear so many sounds that had came from people who mattered so much to the band,
and all of them magically converged into a beautiful picture on the stage last year at TRCC.

Mr alvin says nobody will understand this feeling which we had last year
not till they really went through it,
scoldings, tears, despairing progession, extra rehearsal, late night home
all of these seems unbearable, but it all makes up to an extra beautiful experience
because now we see, how beautiful
how hard we worked to come this far :)
Its a God given experience, and thats why its so beautiful.

It reminded me of a time,
Once upon a time, when siying really loved band.
really loved going for band,
when siying quickens her footstep towards band
because, she knows beyond the band room door,
lay faces she wish to see,
lay her beloved instrument,
lay music she earns to play.
back then, even the most out of tune song, is heavenly to my ears
because it is the effort from EVERY SINGLE PLAYER.

the last time i was reminded of this was during beloved rss concert last year :)
i broke into uncontrollable tears when i hear them :)
because before my eyes i see passion and love for band burning in all my juniors faces.
the audience may only hear/ see the performnace.
but only the players know what lay beyond during the past months.

And that life changing moment will be engraved in your life once youve been through it:)
I'll never forget my first competition's piece-acclamations!
My first SYF- to challenge the heavens and above.
AJC's lifechanging moment- with hearts and voice

I want to embrace this experience again.
I want it all over again.
I'll do whatever it takes to go for this Australia competition
and Daddy God, show me grace please.
I trust you for favour :)

Thats all,
once again, pardon me for this emotional moment.

He hears

2010-02-20T12:45:00.000+08:00

No matter how big or small your prayers are, have faith, He hears :)
dont be intimidated by what you've seen, have faith, things will get better :)

Around one year ago, my aunt passed away.
and i heard from my relatives, that my cousin was devastated after the incident.
I used to be quite close with her when we were young,
playing and hanging out together,
and I knew how attached she is her mother.
after the incident, she went into a temporary state of extreme devastation..
it hurts so much to hear what was happening to her,
and that life seems to be turning for the worst for her.
Her father was nowhere to be found, her brothers just as helpless as her,
the financial status of their family had turned worst
as their family's breadwinner had been their mother.

I remember begging my parents to help,
I even suggested that they adopt her!
but my parents had told me there is a limit to what they can do as well..
what else can i do then if my parents are helpless too.
I can only pray.

One year after,
I met her, at my grandpa's house this year during CNY.
she changed :)
gone was that haunting period, and she smiled radiantly like i've never seen before.
seems like her brothers are taking up the responsibility of upholding the family.
and life is slowly back on track for her.
I know :) who is behind the smile on her face.
:)

In this one year, i have gone through so much that i forgot about what prayers i made in the past.
But God does not forgets :)
when i see my cousin so happy so healed, blessed.
There i saw God's faithfulness, in His grace and might of fulfilling all my prayers :)

God hears your prayers people,
no matter how small your request is,
have faith He will always find time for you.
Jesus died to promise that
<3

Authority in my words

2010-02-07T23:15:00.002+08:00

There are authority and power in my words :)
For these words lean back on the might and will of my Father <3
So now let me take this post to declare with authority!

I declare

1) ALL my family members, and close friends will be saved
2) ALL my family in christ to rest and receive plenty from Him :)
3) ALL depression in each part of all my friends life be gone in Jesus name!
4) Me to reign over ALL my exams, especially A levels this year!
5) I am set free from all bondage.
6) God will open up more souls in the world, and show them true joy :)
7) I will never lack anything, (food, money, friends, results, time, rest)
8) Band won the overall champion in Australia competition and SIBF
9) ALL the desires of me and everyone around me to be delivered :)
10) I will stop indulging in unhealthy habits, and rest more in His annointing
11) I will rise up to His call in my life.
12) God will create more more more more more miracles this year.
13) Nothing will hurt me or depress me anymore.
14) ALL the worries and frowns of the world be GONE!
15) Jesus will make His presence glaringly known in my life! :D
16) I will eat alot alot and not gain weight! (AMEN! :D)
17) I will be able to visit Israel!
18) I will enjoy EVERYDAY because it is prepared specially by Abba :)
19) I will post more happy posts in my personal blog!
20) I can go for caregroup more often!
21) I can go for all youth services and 313 concert!
22) I can serve in any ministry in church, bringing my service to the Lord :)
23) My parents will visit my may band concert!
24) God will multiply my time so i may do volunteer work this year.
25) I will trust Him for him!
26) God will deliver me away from Goliath!!!
27) I will be more rooted in His word this year!
28) I can meet up with my caregroup and daregroup and secondary school friends more often
29) ALL school work to NEVER stress me out!
30) I will never lose sight of Jesus
31) ALL my loved ones to be kept safe physically and mentally
32) Babehs to be able to go for all the youth services and 313 concert!
33) I will witness even MORE miracles and promises fulfilled by Him in my life!
34) I will pass the proficiency test in the march holidays with flying colors! :D
35) I will be able to go for the Australia competition!
36) I will complete all my homework in time (really need God in this :P)
37)
38)
39)
40)

ON AND ON
this list will never end :)
I trust Him <3

In Jesus most wonderful name,
Amen!

Love letter

2010-02-07T21:53:00.005+08:00

My Child,

    You may not know me,but I know everything about you.Psalm 139:1 I know when you sit down and when you rise up.Psalm 139:2 I am familiar with all your ways. Psalm 139:3 Even the very hairs on your head are numbered.Matthew 10:29-31 For you were made in my image.Genesis 1:27

    In me you live and move and have your being.Acts 17:28 For you are my offspring.Acts 17:28 I knew you even before you were conceived.Jeremiah 1:4-5 I chose you when I planned creation.Ephesians 1:11-12 You were not a mistake, for all your days are written in my book.Psalm 139:15-16 I determined the exact time of your birth
and where you would live. Acts 17:26 You are fearfully and wonderfully made.Psalm 139:14

     I knit you together in your mother's womb. Psalm 139:13 And brought you forth on the day you were born. Psalm 71:6 I have been misrepresented by those who don't know me.John 8:41-44 I am not distant and angry, but am the complete expression of love.1 John 4:16 And it is my desire to lavish my love on you.1 John 3:1 Simply because you are my child and I am your Father.1 John 3:1

    I offer you more than your earthly father ever could.Matthew 7:11 For I am the perfect father.Matthew 5:48 Every good gift that you receive comes from my hand.James 1:17For I am your provider and I meet all your needs. Matthew 6:31-33 My plan for your future has always been filled with hope.Jeremiah 29:11 Because I love you with an everlasting love.Jeremiah 31:3

    My thoughts toward you are countless as the sand on the seashore.Psalms 139:17-18 And I rejoice over you with singing.Zephaniah 3:17 I will never stop doing good to you. Jeremiah 32:40 For you are my treasured possession. Exodus 19:5 I desire to establish you with all my heart and all my soul. Jeremiah 32:41 And I want to show you great and marvelous things.Jeremiah 33:3

   If you seek me with all your heart, you will find me.Deuteronomy 4:29 Delight in me and I will give you the desires of your heart.Psalm 37:4 For it is I who gave you those desires.Philippians 2:13 I am able to do more for you than you could possibly imagine.Ephesians 3:20 For I am your greatest encourager. 2 Thessalonians 2:16-17

   I am also the Father who comforts you in all your troubles.2 Corinthians 1:3-4 When you are brokenhearted,
I am close to you. Psalm 34:18 As a shepherd carries a lamb, I have carried you close to my heart. Isaiah 40:11 One day I will wipe away every tear from your eyes.And I'll take away all the pain you have suffered on this earth.Revelation 21:3-4

   I am your Father, and I love you even as I love my son, Jesus.John 17:23 For in Jesus, my love for you is revealed. John 17:26 He is the exact representation of my being.Hebrews 1:3 He came to demonstrate that I am for you, not against you.Romans 8:31 And to tell you that I am not counting your sins.2 Corinthians 5:18-19 Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.2 Corinthians 5:18-19 His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you. 1 John 4:10

   I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love.Romans 8:31-32 If you receive the gift of my son Jesus,you receive me. 1 John 2:23 And nothing will ever separate you from my love again.Romans 8:38-39Come home and I'll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen.Luke 15:7 I have always been Father, and will always be Father.Ephesians 3:14-15

My question is…Will you be my child? John 1:12-13

I am waiting for you. Luke 15:11-32
Love, Your Dad
Almighty God

I'm with Him :) held by his love, are you?

Joyful toons :D

2010-01-31T11:56:00.000+08:00

Praise Jesus :) The One who loves us abundantly!

Little do you know

2010-01-30T21:30:00.000+08:00

Little do you know behind every face, there is a story to be told.

I thought the pains in my life are the worst anyone can imagine,
But how immature of me.
Look at the people in haiti!
People who are forced to endure the pain of losing someone they love
People who do not know of a loving Father out there who feels and desperately wants to care for them.
This thought made me realise how blessed i am,
at the same time really feels sad for these people.
I am healthy, beautiful,smart, blessed, and have great friends,
and unbelievably-a complete and loving family.

Wont you give Jesus a chance?
Give Him a chance to set things all right up again in your life.

Death seems so scary once upon a time in the life of Siying.
The idea of my loved ones leaving me for good, scared the creep out of me.
The closest person to me that has ever left was my grandpa,
back then, i was too young to fully understand pain, loss of losing someone dear to my heart.
I only knew how sad it was to see my mum cry that way.

That once when i truly experienced the torment death brings was when wacky left me.
My true friend, my loyal listener, my motivator to each day.

Death comes scary when it is presented as a absolute farewell,
absolute end to your time with the person, or with everyone.
Where? When? How? am i going to ever see you again?
How can i continue on without you?

But thank God i Jesus entered my life,
He said "No!" to death and judgement,
He overcomed the grave, and He had been the light to my life.
I know when i leave, i am going to a place He prepared for me
I am going to see wacky again, and I pray, believing
All my loved ones will be joining me.

This is a headless post,
things are flooding in my mind as i post.

Here's something i have been thinking about too.
There are dark and shameful secrets in everybody's life
The world may give judgement and condemnations when these secrets are exposed
But Jesus is the one who knows ALL your secret,
yet He loves you.
and He is the one willing to change what seems impossible to revert.
He is the one who says with authority
"Go, be clean."
and there you will be.

I hope you get something out of the post (:

Not the differences

2010-01-23T20:35:00.001+08:00

Its not differences that kills,
Sometimes similarities can kill too.
Anything can go wrong in our communication and connection with people all around.
Once something call "self" steps in.
When all you think about is yourself, when all you care about is yourself,
you get blinded,
SELF-pity will step in somewhere along the line when the "self" is compromised.

Nobody can stand a relationship if they're always expected to give in or to make the other party happy.
nobody wants to always be the one giving, they only want to be the receiving..

Thats when God came in and thought us selflessness.
He came and told us to love,
and not only that, but to love everybody.
not just people who are good to you, but also people who rejects, who cursed or hurt you.
Thats my God for you :) someone who came so selflessly to love you,
He died for you at calvary's hill, taking away all your fear and shame,
and to bring you back home,

I learnt from Jesus,
that in every relationship we established in this world,
lets seek to bless the other party,
let us be slow to blame each other, slow to curse each other, slow to shout or threaten
lets be quick to compliment, be quick to praise, be quick to encourage :)
lets show love rather than anger, hatred.
Forgive like its free flow for every single thing in this world :)
Dont hold it back, because it stings ><

On the basis of each relationship i have,
I want to enter it so that i can be given a chance to bless and love you,
like my heavenly Father had loved me

That, i feel is the key to a succesful relationship :)
selflessness

Jesus your creator and your maker

2010-01-17T18:51:00.001+08:00

I read this very old sms that was stored in my bro's handphone when i used it some time ago.
"When man try to place something broken back again,
it will never be as new or as good as before.
But when we hand it over to Jesus, our Lord and maker,
He heals the crack so wonderfully,and makes it even better than before."
I cant help but agree :)
My broken life is so much better now!
How great is my God, that accepted and loved me even when i had rejected and forgotten Him before..
I love you Jesus :)

God bless

2010-01-07T12:17:00.003+08:00

Want to know the coolest thing about the coming?

Not that the One who played marbles with the star, gave it up to play marbles with marbles.Or that the One who hung up the galaxies gave it up to hang doorjambs to the displeasure of a cranky client who wants everything yesterday, but could not pay anything till tomorrow.

Not that He , in an instant went from needing nothing , to needing air,food,a tub of hot water and salts for his tired feet, and more than anything else,needing somebody-anybody-- who was more concern on where they would spend their eternity than where they would spend their Friday's paycheck.

Or that He resisted the urge to fry two-bit, self appointed hall monitors of holiness who dared suggest that he was doing the work of the devil.

Not that He kept his cool while the dozen best friends he never had felt the heat and go out of the kitchen.Or that He gave no comments to the angels who begged.

"Just give the nod, Lord. One word and these demons wil be deviled eggs."

Not that he refused to defend himself when blamed for every sin of every slut and sailor since Adam. Or that he stood silent as a million guilty verdicts echoed in the tribunal of heaven, and the giver of light was left on the chill of a sinner's night.

Not even after three days in a dark hole, he stood into the Easter sunrise with a smile and a swagger and a question, for lowly lucifer

"Is that your best punch?"

That was cool. Incredibly cool.

But want to know the coolest thing about the One who gave up His crown of heaven for a crown of thorns?

He did it for YOU.Just for YOU.

I read this in a book new creation gave me as a gift one year ago :)
this was in my feb post last year,
i just thought it was awesome.
bears a beautiful reminder to all of us,
of the loving King who died for you, me, us,
not because we deserved it,
but because He loved us.

there is this feeling so personal when i worship and praise you with songs God
:)
its just between You and me,
for You know my heart better than i do,(since you're the creator)
worship is not a show of singing rock songs and tearing for no reason.
worship is my time with my loving Father,
in His embrace, where all the worries and sorrows of the world can never touch me.
the love that is so powerful and personal to my life,
it moves me to tears :)
thats worship,
not towards any idols, but to a real, warmth loving Father
nobody will understand how beautiful that feeling is,
untill they truly tried it and felt what we felt during our time with You :)

haha school is starting!
A lvl, J2 woah! here i am to reign over you :D

Not too dead for you

2010-01-02T22:58:00.004+08:00

AH HA!
Bet you didn't see this post coming did you!
the ah ha! is made larger so it sounds louder
when you read it in your mind hahaha
ok that's totally random crap
HAHA :)
how's siying?
yeah fine, blessed as always and recharged!~
just wanna wish all you peeps out there
HAPPY NEW YEAR :)
you may not know this, but every night before i sleep, alot of you readers are in my prayers :)
i pray for your happiness,
i pray that
THIS YEAR WILL BE AWESOME

so any point along this year if you feel really DOWN DOWN DOWN ):
reject it!
because that is just what the devil wants you to believe in the natural ><
Siying has prayed for you! so OWN THAT HAPPINESS!
haha, some people might just think i am some crazy freak -.-
but nevermind!
God bless you peeps!

i am just here to spread the good news :)
Dektos year 2009 just passed, and now 2010 is the year of
R and R
Rest and Reign!
Rest in His word and His annointing beloveds :)
you will reign for sure!

Haha, its Good news now that 2010 is going to be a year,
that you can have rest, dont tire yourself out with self effort anymore,
rest in Him, that the battle ahead of you is not yours but His :)
i'm gonna sit back and chill!
Let go and Let God :)
Amen!

hoho! stay tune for more Good news :)
i still love this blog <3

Thank you.

2009-12-06T22:53:00.006+08:00

I want to post this here too, not only in my new blog :)

Its the season of thanks giving.
the year is ending, but its not over yet!
lets come together and recap over the dektos year! the year of unearned undeserved favor!
:D
let me contribute this very long post to everyone i can think of :)

First and foremost, the priority of my life.
let me thank God.
thank God that i have been growing as a Christian this year through your guidance.
thank God for the trials i have faced in this year, thank God that you have used them to build me.

like the time i went for resilience training?
my terrible fear of heights was beyond what my human strength can take.
but my hope, my strength does not come from me, but from You.
Thank You that You allowed me to climb beyond i have ever climbed.

or the time i went for SYF?

Your promised stand when You said You will make your children the head and not the tail
thats the sole reason we rise in Your name as one of the only two bands with
Gold with Honors
Your grace, Yours alone :)

Thank You, that You have watched over my year,
blessed me with a great results to get in this blessed school and wonderful class
blessed me with great new friends, and a brand new school year :)
Thank you for letting me keep in touch with my new caregroup, as well as my daregroup
thank you for letting me grow closer with my new school mates,
at the same time stay close with my secondary school mates.

Thank You for standing faithful and loving for me,
Thank You for answering all my prayers, big or small :)
Thank You that while i forget about you,
You never left me, never forsake me, never stopped loving me.
Thank You. I love you Jesus :)

then let me thank my parents.
thank you for allowing me to come into this world
thank you for the many times in this year, that you came to custom to fetch me home
thank you for the many times that you sent me to singapore on your car
even though i knew you are really tired after work
even though i can see from the red eyes that you really need to sleep.
thank you for the times when you will call me randomnly in parts of the day
just to check if i have ate properly
thank you for understanding when i cannot be home for weeks or even months.
thank you that when i eventually went home after a long period,
you welcome me with loving hands,
you cook my favorite dish
you push away your work to find quality and precious time with me.
thank you for understanding and not pressing me for an answer when i was crying alone in the room
thank you for caring and loving me in your own way.
i love you daddy mummy,
i want to be a better daughter to you :)

thank you my dear brother in blood
my dear brother, thank you for listening to my complains and my cry
staying beside me, untill i told you i am fine
thank you for teaching me how to be a better person
even though i am the elder sister, believe me
you've been the one taking care of me,
you've been the one showing me what it means to be kind and caring
you've been the one matured and loving
thank you that each time i return home
your one sentence sends warmth to my shivering heart
"jie, i am glad you're home, i really missed you while you're not around"

next thank you my very long best friend wugui huiyi
piang eh, next year we'll know each other for ten years le!!!
haha, i dont say this much , but xie xie ni
thank you huiyi :) for helping me so much
for being a true friend,
thank you huiyi that on aj idol this year,
you helped go home to get my contact lens
and bought me honey lemon drink!
thank you huiyi, that on mooncake fest this year,
i made a call to you, crying.
it was late at night, and you immediately wanted to come over to look for me.
thank you while i was hurt and sad and depressed thinking about death and stuff.
thank you that you know me
you know me so well, even without counselling me, you knew i am going to pull through
thank you that you are such a good friend,
everytime i looked for you for help,
you never turn me down.
thank you for hitting my head and scolding i am stupid.
thank you for not spending time trying to talk me out of depression
but distracting me out of it.
thank you for being such a wonderful friend.
i am so glad that you're in my life :)

then let me thank my sisters in christ :)

Mindy!~Yinlin! Yanping!

you girls are really awesome you know that?
everytime i meet you girls,
no matter how sad i was after the outing, i always leave feeling so happy :)
its the special presence of God when we gather that feels my heart with overflowing joy!
thank you sisters,
thank you for letting me bother you and your family
letting me stayover and come to your house :)
thank you for coming out to meet me,
thank you for worrying about me, for caring about my well-being
i enjoy every moment spent with you guys,
mindy, and her times oogling at guys! haha ( going to ajisen to stalk GD lookalike!)
yanping and the times we spend together doing very stupid yet funny things
(making fun of linus on deepavali!)
yinlin and the times when she was so nice, she was willing to walk the through singapore with me :)

and the best memory this year is?----- watching coming soon together!
the scream choir uniting to scream out His glory!!
hahahhaha! it was so fun :)
i fell in love with horror movies because of you babes man!
i love you sisters!

thank you adeline, both cg and dg
dg adeline,
haha although i dont get to see you as much around, thank you for the times we met during dg dinners
thank you for teaching me how to skate,
i still remember that time you tried to save me from the bushes i was sliding to,
in the end you fell and bled T_T
thank you for saving me, and bleeding in my place
you truly glorify Jesus!:D

cg adeline
thank you for being such a nice and caring sister
everytime i see you in service, you remind me of how gentle, loving God is:)
you're such a nice girl :) glorifying God's beauty in you!

thank Juliana juubs!
thank you for the late night walks with me
thank you for the post you posted for me
thank you for listening me out while i was lost, confused while i needed someone
thank you for coming out to meet me, for talking to me,
for including me, for asking for me when you needed help
thank you for not excluding me, because i want to there for you,
thank you for letting our friendship stay close, even while we're in the different school
thank you for remembering me, thank you for the hugs and the love you remind me of
Juliana, you're really a great friend, a great person
a talented person, so believe in yourself :) my dear, belive in you!
you are much more much more better than you know!
so, live in confidence, and smile for all the right reasons
2010 will be a better year for you :)

and then there is thank jiahuan :)
jiahuan, you're the only one within us 7 that went to poly
but i respect your decision :)
you're a strong person with great choices made in your life :)
thank you jiahuan, for times that you call me up to ask how am i
thank you for times when you will look me up to spend time with you
thank you for times when you smack me real hard on the back to get me back to reality
thank you that even you're a terrible counsellor, you still try to pick me up while i am down
thank you jiahuan :)
you're my forever shifu!

thank you yuting!
thank you fish babeh, haha
its been awhile i caught up with you, but thank you
thank you for appearing in the point of the year that i needed friends most
thank you for coming out to meet me when i feel really helpless
thank you for being such a good friend that listens and gives great advice
do get back to me when you're done with your school projects :)
i really miss you!

next let me thank my brothers in christ :)
darren, thank you that you're always the first one to remind me of the word of God
thank you that when i am depressed, and i put them up on the internet, you immediately contact me
thank you for loving me as a brother :)
thank you for reminding me of the greatest love we all share- God, our father's wonderful love.
thank you for lending me your sermon cds,your mp3, and your time
God showed me so much love through you!
thank you for being a wonderful brother!

linus, shengxian ! thank you for always turning up when i ask you guys out :)
thank you for coming out, setting some time for the dg
thank you for not rejecting me! though i dont share much of my problems with you guys,
your companies shoo them all away while i am with all of you! :D

russell!
oh yeah, its been awhile since i talked to you!,
but thank you for talking to me when you had the time,
thank you for being my brother in christ :)

Thank you albert and eric and shen wei
you guys gave me one of the best joy ever this year :)
the day i saw your hands (albert eric) raised up high with pride to recieve the most wonderful saviour.
i was so happy i could not stop crying :)
Thank you for the days after band prac when i feel really down and you guys will have dinner with me
Thank you for the "bek cek" band members hanging out time!
Thank you for all the funny times, all the laughters you have shared with me :) thank you

all the people i want to thank shall be coming into my mind randomnly haha
the order of people does not reflect their importance in my life :)

thank you robin!
robin, i met you in volunteer work. and man you truly shine
something in you really sets you apart from anybody else i met in my life
the glory of God, that planted peace and joyfulness in you!
thank you for letting me talk and share my journey with God with you
thank you for sharing your problems with me, thank you for praying for me
i praise God for the work He has done for you! awesome man!
He is a turnabout God, and amen, he turned your situation around for your GOOD!
thank God i met you, and you really encouraged me along with your testimony :)

thank you jimmy!
jimmy, thank you for being such a great cg leader,
although i never went for one caregroup before,
you never stopped sending emails or msgs to me to invite me for caregroups or church events!
thank you for that time in Little india?
yeah, the time i first joined the cg for games with the arrow jc cluster
i was shy, and nervous about playing captain ball..
so i sort of shy away from the ball, trying not to be involved with the ball while we're plaing
but you, you caught the ball and deny me of excluding myself
you passed it to me is such a way that i can catch it effortlessly
thank you jimmy, for being such a great leader:)
thank you :)

thank you my aj band seniors
like CAROL CHIN
you're a great section leader, sectionals had never been as much fun, till i experienced it with you!
the karaoke sessions, the chichat, the heart to heat talks
i really love it,
thank you for making them so fun:)
thank you for being a very encouraging senior, who always come to my help when i cant play well
i dont play very well, but while you were my section leader,
i improved :)
thank you Carol :)

thank you nigel goh!
although we always make fun of you with nasty names,
you know i always really admire you?
you're very cheerful, and actually you're really a kind person:)
thank you for taking mr alvin's scoldings for me
thank you for cheering me on while i am really sleepy in band practise
thank you for buying us donuts!
thank you for being the joke, that makes me smile!
hahha
thank you nigel, i mean it from my heart :)

thank you vanessa and clarise!
thank you for understanding how difficult some point of life had been for me
thank you for understanding my need to skip practises sometimes
thank you for helping me catch up with practise,
thank you while i thought i had to walk out of band practise alone , you girls walked with me out
you girls who encourage and believes in me :)
thank you!

thank my classmates
Suhail Chrislyn Yichun
you guys are wonderful wonderful pw mates
while i was on A lvl mother tongue papers,
while i was depressed, and crying away,
you guys were there beside me, you guys took away my share of the pw work, and did it for me
you guys believed in me, and trusted me with work i cannot trust myself with,
thank you for being such great pw mates and friends
that each pw task sucks, but thank God i still have you guys!

thank you chunhong
though you're sarcastic, repulsive, mean
you motivated me to sink into God's work more and know Him better!
thank you for the times you wait for me, so we can take the train back together
thank you for the times you helped me with econs and history question i cannot answer
thank you :)

thank you kelly,
for being such a random and sweet friend
someone can be lost in a sad world,
but they cant help but smile when they hear your funny random comments!
hahahaha!

thank you 3809
thank you for being such a unique bunch of people,
thank you for being so nice, so different, that you gave me a new perspective of interaction!

thank you Peckyong
thank you for being the one who knows exactly the meaning behind every word i use
thank you for encouraging me
thank you :)

thank you Guanyan
yeah, i wont miss you out :)
you're one wierd person i ever meet
but, thank you for always repeating this words to me
"lol, cheer up ba"
always to cheer up :)
i am cheering up! :D
thank you for worrying, thank you for your motivational talks, thank you for talking to me
thank you for being my friend :)

thank you sihao! (ajc)
thank you for being such a funny person, that your stupidness always makes me burst in laughters
first sight at you i thought you're a gangster or something
haha
but after i got to know you, i realise you're someone really innocent sometimes -.-
lol so wierd,..
yeah, the thoughts you think of are sometimes really brainless, but really innocent
grow to become a great gentleman yeah? and be a great guy for her :)
thank you for making me laugh, and showing me my first experience in jamming
thank you or believing i can sing :)

thank you qc.
haha i wanted to avoid this part. but its alright.
thank you for giving me the opportunity to love you.
thank you for teaching me how to appreciate mayday songs, xin yue tuan
thank you for teaching me how it feels like to miss to be protected to be taken care of .
thank you for teaching me how to break down my own walls, to reach and give genuine love.
thank you for taking me through my first love.
and then now, i am learning to throw away and move on.

thank you to her too.
thank you for recieving him away from me.
take care of him yea? he is really fragile at times
treat with extreme care.

thank your family too
thank you siyi :)
you're a very sweet girl who loves her parents alot
i remember the first time i went with dinner with you all?
haha i felt awkward.
but thank you for joking with me, thank you for making me feel at ease:)
thank you for always wanting me to stay longer
though not now anymore, but i do miss you ):

thank you auntie uncle,
thank you for the effort to accept me.
i know i came in for the wrong reasons, but its alright, i'm out now
i will continue praying for the best for all of you (:

thank you jessica
thank you for trying to make friends with me
for encouraging me
thank you for understanding how difficult it is too.

thank you pastor Benjahmin
thank you pastor for the wonderful sermons you preached,
everytime i go for service i feel so recharged,
where i eject everything ugly the world has given me,
and recieve the wonderful things God has in store for me
thank you reminding the youths of the wonderful love we inherited from God :)

thank you pastor Prince
thank you for the wonderful message you had on the sermons cds
thank you for the messages, that encourages and guide me in this walk with the Lord
thank you for building my faith, and showing me the way:)
God's glory and honor radiates from every part of you pastor,
thank you for telling me, whatever he does to Jesus, its for you and for me too:)
thank you spiritual father :)

the list will grow on, but i am really tired to think of more :)

but God has connected my life with so many others,
this year had been good
whatever is left of it, i will live with even better and shining heart!
For who He is inside me!

lastly thank you reader of this blog
for being faithful and loyal
haha
even when i say its the last post, you still return!
thank you,
i hope you survived this long post
i took four hours to finish it with my heart :)

Right way

2009-12-05T10:53:00.000+08:00

I am such a copycat><
here,is a post which i got from my friend's blog, which she got from another person too! haha

Did you know that God has already recorded every part of your life from the beginning to the end? He knows every disappointment, every loss, every challenge; and the good news is that your story ends in victory! God has written out a plan to bless and prosper you. Your final chapter concludes with you fulfilling your God-given destiny. Here’s the key: when you go through a disappointment, when you go through a loss, don’t stop on that page in your life. You’ve got to decide to keep moving forward. There’s another chapter in front of you, but you’ve got to be willing to take the next step.Sometimes, we get so focused on what didn’t work out that we stay stuck, reliving the disappointment. If that’s you, recognize that you’ve been on that page long enough. It’s time to let it go and turn the page to the new chapter God has in store. You may not understand, it may not have been fair, but remember, the next chapter is full of blessing, full of favor, and full of victory! Make the decision to let go of the old so you can move forward into the abundant life God has in store for you!

Joel osteen.

thats comforting really.
yes, let go of this chapter in my life,and to the next.
this page is all wet with tears, but God is here to dry it away!
Heavenly father, have been talking to me.

forgive him,
forgive him, for you should know better why.
forgiving someone you love should be easy isn't it?
forgive him because you know, you know that he never did it out of a evil heart.
forgive, and love forgive love forgive and love forgive and love
thats the way God taught me.
thats the way he wants me to reflect of my creator.
as he is gentle, mild, loving,forgiving.
so will i be, i cannot help it. for He lives within me.

i know, i know, its just you, its just the way you handle things.
its just the way you're not used to being alone.
its just the way you fall in love easily.
its just the way you like to be for someone.
its just the way you forget , give up easily.

dont give up from now on, dont give up on things in your life.
they really earn more attention, more love from you.
treat them right, treat them with love.
love everyone, everything but yourself.
let others love you, but dont let you love yourself.
thats when selfsh grows. kill it, dont nurture it.

God move me, take away my self effort, bring me to the next chapter.
take me out of this chapter.
let me smile and be glad.
let unhealthy hope die.
let hope be on You.

this is the 370th post.
the right last post.
the last word for this chapter.

i love you, really loved you.
but now i am out of your life.

Dissapear

2009-11-29T20:56:00.001+08:00

This is the last post of gift-ofgrace.blogspot.com
i'm moving on to a new blog.

~~out of your life, because you dont need me anymore.~~
~~you're so special to my heart, that is why everything you do is destroying me.~~
~~i've never felt as terrible, as broken up like this for so long.~~
the last time that did, i lost wacky.
i lost a part of me where wacky filled up.

~~i found another part of me when i met you.~~
~~i loved you, gave you all, everything i could have given to this world.~~
~~and then, it destroyed me.~~
~~i'm no longer who i am,~~
~~for you took it away and killed that part of me.~~

~~tender, my heart had been to you, i wanted to know you better,~~
~~only to realise you're a prick, that killed me.~~
i've been finding life back, bit by bit,
through the ~~distraction from you.~~
through the love of Christ, that restore, and breath life back to whatever is left of me.

~~This is one thing i can do for you.~~
~~for her too.~~
~~i will be gone.~~
dont do it to her, really, its more than what a human can bear.

COVERED by Jesus's blood! <3

Five people you meet in heaven

2009-11-28T19:52:00.001+08:00

i read the fourth person Eddie met, and it was more than i can take.
haha, a good book really.
i like his life, as boring he thought it was,
it was peaceful, and made perfect with love.
even while he was blind to the love around him while he was in earth,
he learnt and found it back in heaven.
i am going to finish the book.
~~haha, in tears again.~~

Love like rain, can nourish from above, drenching the couples with a soaking joy.
But sometimes, under the angry heat of life,
Love dries on the surface and must nourish from below,
tending to its roots, keeping itself alife.

-Mitch Albom

~~i have learnt to shut up.~~

COVERED by Jesus's blood! <3

物是人非

2009-11-27T17:59:00.002+08:00

~~I looked at the dark hallway before me.~~
~~every footstep i take creates an echo.~~
~~hollow sounds, something in this dark hallway is pulling me, on and on.~~
~~"am i strong enough to take this?"~~

~~just a few more steps before i reach the place.~~
~~one,two,three.~~
~~i open my eyes, and saw the large picture before me.~~
~~there, i found it. the brown spot which belonged to us once.~~
~~just for a minute, i feast my eyes there.~~
~~just for a minute, i seem to hear, the laughters and heartbeat that sounded here before.~~
~~just for a minute, i seem to hear something small in my heart thumping furiously.~~
~~just for a minute.~~
~~then i looked away, and walked away.~~
~~that minute, i looked back.~~
~~i'm not sad, just happy my life once was made beautiful by such a memory.~~
~~yeah, you got it right, memory :)~~

its been awhile since ive touched my computer
totally worn out this week,
with band practise and stuff T_T
its been so long since i was so tired when i got home that,
the minute i reached my bed, i cant even finish my conversation with Daddy God, before i fell asleep -.-
but wanna know something awesome?
im finding back my love for this band!
why? because God answered my prayers before every band practise.
to make every practise effortless, only through His strength :)
the band is truly small now, but we can still be as mighty!
people left and lost faith in us, so its up to us, the remaining ones to believe in ourselves!
yeah! i'll never give up on the band :)!

let me just share with you,
a conversation with yanping on tuesday, while we were on the train
we were talking about our future:)

when we grow up, we're definately going meet a special life partner God has prepared for us,
a marriage that way will be so so blessed!
and then each of us will start "reproducing" hahah
mindy wants 5 children ( waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa)
yanping wants 4! (waaaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaaaaaa)
yinlin wants 4! ( waaaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaaaaa waaaaaaaaaaaaa)
and me :) 3! hahaha
then we will be the "gan ma" of each other's children!
haha my child will have alot alot of gan ma!
like huiyi, mindy, yanping,yinlin,juliana,jiahuan, on and on~~~~
haha
and then all our children will go to the same school, same class, hahaha
yanping even thought of match making them -.-
piang so far~
haha and every thanksgiving, good friday, christmas,
we will gather around for parties at each other's house
hahaha

that day on the train, the both of us went wild with our imaginations about our future:)
on and on we went
last time i talked to mindy about a future too :)
we're gonna have a radio station when we're really old, when our careers are stable
then through the radio station, we will have gospel and testimonies shared
to encourage each other in the walk with the Lord :)
can imagine that day already
"halo everybody, welcome to we love Christ fm! i am dj siying and dj mindy is just beside me! today we have wonderful testimonies to share!"
hahaha that was lame

but i know, the picture God has painted for all his children's life is so beautiful :)
i rest in Him, that no matter what happens before me,
it is no accident, but for His purpose :)
everything is taken care of, for he paid everything on the Cross.
my friends, i have plenty of space here in this picture God has given me for my future:)
join me if you like, of my future:)
why dont you ask Him for a future he planned for you?

haha that was a really long post!
:) hope you survived reading it :P

COVERED by the blood of Jesus! <3

Strong

2009-11-23T22:56:00.002+08:00

What is past, remains in the past ;
i will only look forward to a wonderful future, You hold :)
~~for the Love i lost,~~
~~for the strength i lost,~~
~~for the smile i lost,~~
~~for the me i lost,~~
He will restore :)

Thank you though, for letting this happen to me,
so that i can realise the little significant things in my life, which are so much more genuine,
which are worth so much so much more than the promises, the love you gave

today, i find smiles and laughters all around me,
its not a difficult, but a beautiful day.

i thought i had to spend the day wallowing in pain and darkness,
but God does not allow me to even have a single day spent in pain.
He picked me up where you abandoned me, and lifted the corners of my mouth.

not lies, but the truth.
the dog can bark but the sun shines as brightly as ever.

thats final, last post, last words that ever has ~~you~~ in it.
i wont ever remember a ~~date~~ like this again :)
it has been a difficult, but wonderful one month without you

Forget about guilt, because the last thing i want is condemnation on you.
Christ saved me so that i can have the wonderful great love without condemnations,
being taught such a love, i love everybody this way, no condemnations :)

Overflowing

2009-11-22T14:50:00.000+08:00

(:
yesterday was awesome, really..
haha actually, almost each day is awesome, and its BY HIS GRACE AND FAVOUR (:

before i went for service,
i was listening to the songs in Darren's mp3
(which i gotta return soon T_T)
i heard this song, Hillsong- Always,
and i was thinking, how i wish we can sing this during praise and worship (:
God answers all prayers, amen? (:
even the smallest one like a wish for a worship song!
haha
yesterday's praise and worship was COMPLETELY AWESOME!
its was extended, and i gave it all out, really, not for anybody else, but You God(:
Jump, Cry, Shout , Sing to your heart's content :D
Let the world say what they want, but all i do is for You, for the One who loves me so dearly (:

I'm so happy that Tavin and Adeline joined us yesterday (:
its been awhile since i catch up with sec friends,
Thank God for such a wonderful chance (:
and its then i realise i really miss them ><

" You put a gleam in my eye, you put a skip in my feet,
when my Hope was gone, it place it back there again,
You put a song in my mouth, and a sword in my hand,
my heart overflows with the Goodness of the Lord!"

" You're alive and i am free! you are everything, everything we need!"

"Only You can mend the broken heart ,And cause the blind to see
Erase complete the sinners past .And set the captives free
Only You can take the widows cry ,And cause her heart to sing
Be a Father to the fatherless ,Our Savior and our King
We will be Your hands, we will be Your feet
We will run this race
On the darkest place, we will be Your light
We will be Your light!"

the lyrics may not be right, but they're playing over and over in my heart (:
God, my heart overflows with Your goodness!
i cant wait for the next service man ><

tomorrow, will be a day i need extra extra strenght to face
extra extra extra extra strenght,
and i am praying believing i'll be strong (:

Awesome, truly awesome

2009-11-20T02:12:00.000+08:00

this is the best part of the entire movie
the very best part (:

Just go and watch it wont you?
God is so good , so good,
look how he can transform our lives (:
From weeping, from darkness, from sadness
to Hapiness, bliss, peace, comfort!

Someone tells me, in the real adult world,
no such thing as dating on the basis of Love.
no such thing as true love.
But, i tell you, there is.
that is On the Cross.

the ultimate, true, real genuine love.
If you dont know a love like that,
if you dont learn a love like that, how do you love then?

Its not about you, its not about your desire, your happiness in every relationship
its about the opposite person.
its about the person you love.
You do everything for her, you show her your care.
even if she spat at you, even if she rejected you, even if she is ungrateful.
you still love her dont you?
thats TRUE LOVE

you can only do it, when you understand the most powerful real love
the sacrifice on the Cross.
the person who DIED for you and for me,
for us who did not deserve it.
who never stopped loving us, even while we rejected Him over and over again.

Once you understood such a love, you cannot help but love like He do.
What i offer in a relationship, as a daughter of God,
is not anyone in this world can offer.
because, God taught me to love like He did.

My love is not as perfect as His still.

but i believe in a day, God, sends one for me
the perfect life partner for me (:
where he loves me the way i love him - God's way (:

A man, who loves God, even more than he loves me (: